Day 475

     Katie had a low grade fever twice this week (on Monday and Friday).  Both times, we braced ourselves for having to go to the hospital - but we prayed we wouldn't have to.  And both times, we were blessed to have Katie's temperature go back down to normal.  We are glad we did not have to go to the hospital!  Katie has a runny nose and a little cough, so unfortunately I guess we will have to keep her home again this week.  I was hoping to let her go to church and school, but Scott said we still need to wait.  I feel like she is missing out on so much, but I know Scott is right, it isn't worth the risk - we need to keep her home.
     Katie has a very sunny disposition, and her "yellow" personality always shines through.  She has daily taken to asking, "What can we do today that will be really, really, really fun?"  (Which isn't an easy thing to answer when we are "stuck" at home- so we have been playing a lot of make believe!)  Katie is all about fun and games.  She loves to laugh and she can find humor in almost any situation.  She is the comic relief in our home, and she is fun to be around.
     On the front cover of last weeks edition of the Deseret News, there was an article entitled, "What About Me?"  The article talks about how siblings of kids with serious illnesses face their own challenges.  The article states, "Serious illness seldom settles only on one child.  It engulfs and changes brothers and sisters, too.  Experts say if the 'other' children are not handled with care, results can be as devastating as the disease that started it all."  Scott & I have been aware of this from the beginning, and we have gone to great lengths to ensure that Conner and Nathan have had time and attention from us too.  It has been a challenge.  There are times when through necessity Katie takes priority.  However, we have tried to make Nathan and Conner the priority when a need arises.  It has required some juggling - and sacrificing.  Scott and I have been worn thin, at times, just trying to make sure all our kids are okay. 
     Katie's illness has changed us - all of us.  At times, Nathan has said he has felt like burden.  Conner has been very traumatized by everything that has happened in the past year or two - especially in the beginning, when Katie was in the hospital so much, and Scott and I were gone so much.  Conner has come a long way though, but he still doesn't like to let me out of his sight much, and he worries a lot.  To some degree, we have all been shaped and are being reshaped by Katie's cancer.  It is hard to know how all of this has effected Katie.  She was only 2 years old when she was diagnosed.  But there is no doubt Katie has been, and will be, changed by all she is going through.  When I think back to how she was one year ago - her hair had fallen out and she was pumped full of steroids and she was getting weekly chemo treatments - it breaks my heart!  And I pray she will not relapse and have to go through that again.  It hurts to look at pictures of her - with her shaved head and puffy face - and remember how it was when she stopped talking, walking, smiling, and when all she could do was lay in my arms and moan.  But I am so grateful for the miracles and blessings we have had.  I rejoice in how she looks and acts now.  I revel in her laughter and energy. 
     The article in the newspaper also translated disease-specific numbers into something familiar like "kids and classrooms."  The nation's average is 25 children in a classroom.  "The 13,400 new cases of cancer diagnosed in kids this year would fill 536 classrooms that size.  You could fill 54 a year with children who won't survive cancer, often after years of illness."  ...54 classrooms a year of children who won't survive... That is heartbreaking!  And it makes me cry every time I think about it.  However, the article also reminded me of how blessed we are.  The paper had a graph chart from the American Childhood Cancer Organization.  In 1997 only 58% of children with ALL survived 5 years out, compared to an 87%  survival rate in 2001.  All of the childhood cancers have shown an increase in survival rates!  How grateful I am (once again) that Katie was born in 2009 and not in 1999!  We are blessed and we are so grateful that Katie is doing so well!...And Conner & Nathan too.

Day 468

      It has been a long time since I have been this sick.  I had a fever for 5 days.  The doctor said I had some type of virus that caused the fever, body aches, and made ulcers develop on the back of the throat - plus I had a bad cough - it was not a fun combination - my throat was raw!  Then Scott got sick a few days ago - not as bad as me, but still sick.  Conner continues to have a cough and a runny nose, and Scott & I still have a cough.  So it has been a long week.  However, we feel super blessed that Katie has not come down with anything!  Katie got her chemo on Monday, but she also started her steroids and her IGG level was up - all of which meant her immune system was up.  The timing couldn't have been better and we are glad! 
     Katie's chemo is starting to kick in now....so we are hoping our good fortune will hold out and that she will not get this.  My biggest worry was her needing to go to the hospital when I, Scott and Conner were all sick!  I am so grateful that did not happen!  The strangest thing about all of this, is that our family has never tried so hard to be healthy!  We got flu shots, we are eating healthier than we ever have, washing hands, hand sanitizer, etc, etc... But it has just been one illness after another, after another!  We are looking forward to spring!
      "The Lord is in all of our lives. He loves us. He wants to bless us. He wants us to seek His help. As He guides us and directs us and as He hears and answers our prayers, we will find the happiness here and now that He desires for us." (Thomas S. Monson, Consider the Blessings," Ensign, November 2012).

Day 461

      We seem to have a revolving door of sickness around here.  Conner has been super sick the past couple of days.  He has had the croup and a fever.  His tonsils and epiglottis were so swollen that he has really been struggling to breathe.  At one point yesterday, he jumped up off the couch, his eyes wide as saucers and his mouth open - nothing was coming out - or going in.  I frantically asked him if he could breathe, his eyes got larger and he opened his mouth wide again - and again nothing.  He started to panic.  I started to panic.  Thankfully Scott was home - and he didn't panic!  It was a very frightening experience.  After that, Scott took him to Phoenix Children's Urgent Care.  The doctor gave him an Epinephrine SVN that immediately reduced the inflammation, and an oral steroid that will last the next few days.  I am so glad there are medications like that available!  (During those brief moments when Conner couldn't breathe, I envisioned having to do a tracheotomy on him!)  Conner is doing much better.  He still has the croupy cough, but he is able to breathe freely and his fever is gone.
      I, on the other hand, am sick.  I now have the cough and fever.  I just finished 10 days of antibiotics for another UTI - and now this....  We are just praying Katie doesn't get it.  Scott has feverishly cleaned and disinfected our house, trying to keep the germs at bay.  Katie has an appointment tomorrow afternoon for her monthly chemo treatment.  She will also start her steroids and that should help boost her immune level - I hope.  We will just keep praying Katie won't get sick - we do not want her to end up in the hospital again!  We are looking forward to the flu season ending and better days ahead.
     "Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come."  (Jeffrey R. Holland, "An High Priest of Good Things to Come", Ensign, November 1999)

Day 454

     We have continued to keep Katie at home - which hasn't been much fun for Katie or me... But Katie's cough seems to have actually gotten worse this week, so...we are staying home.  She has had no fevers though - for which we are grateful and glad!
     As a mother, every once in awhile, I have a moment that touches me to the core.  I had such a moment a couple of days ago, Katie was half running, half skipping - more like flitting - down the sidewalk, with pure joy and radiance shinning from her whole being... I said to Scott, "Look at her!"  We both laughed and smiled at her.  It was a moment that touched me to my core.  She looked so happy, so full of joy and life.  She was radiant!  It was a moment to always remember and treasure.
     "We are commanded 'to give thanks in all things.'  So isn’t it better to see with our eyes and hearts even the small things we can be thankful for, rather than magnifying the negative in our current condition?"
(Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Of Regrets and Resolutions", Ensign, October 2012)