Well....the potty training was a complete bust today. After two accidents, Katie went willingly into a diaper at nap time, and it didn't get any better after that! ???? Scott said to not push her, because she is already dealing with so much. Anyway, we made the most of today. I took them to the park and they rode their new big wheels on the basketball court and down the grassy hills (small). Katie enjoyed it more than Conner did. We played in the front yard and the back. (Hard on my allergies, but otherwise, fun). Katie seems to still be doing great, and she looks good, but she is asking me to carry her more - so I am wondering if her blood counts are down - I guess we will find out on Thursday. If it is low, she will need a blood transfusion and that will move her chemo treatments back a few days.
"Certainly we have never passed through more than the Savior did, nor as much. But He through all His life remained true and faithful to His Father and to His calling as the Savior of the world. He prayed a great deal, and He mourned before the Lord over the sins of the world. Today He is in our midst. He is our Advocate with the Father. [D&C 29:5] He is watching over us, and He will do all that he can for our salvation.... If we are faithful and obedient in times of trial the Lord will strengthen us and use adversity to help us prepare for celestial glory" (Wilford Woodruff, Millennial Star, March 5, 1896, 150).
Today I am glad (grateful) we have a Savior who is an advocate with the Father for us.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Day 82
Katie has decided to potty train herself, I guess. She said on Saturday that she wanted to use the "potty chair" and wanted to wear underwear. She did the same yesterday (however, we did diapers yesterday because of church). Today she woke up with a dry diaper, and she said she wanted to go potty and wear underwear. Then she announced to me this afternoon that she would not wear diapers anymore. So...we'll see how that goes! (She hasn't had an accident yet today). I know girls potty train earlier than boys, and we tried, but she just wasn't ready before (the cancer). Which actually was a blessing, because of all the IV fluids in the hospital, not being able to walk for so long, etc... Katie would have had to revert back to diapers, and that would have been traumatizing. I wasn't ready to potty train her yet, I was still going to wait, because she goes back on steroids in mid-March, and that can make her need to urinate a lot during the night (for some reason). But, Katie is on her own time table, cancer or no cancer. Sweet girl!
"Remember, faith and doubt cannot exist in the mind at the same time, for one will dispel the other. Cast out doubt. Cultivate faith. Strive always to retain that childlike faith which can move mountains and bring heaven closer to heart and home" (President Thomas S. Monson, New Era, September 2005, 7).
"Remember, faith and doubt cannot exist in the mind at the same time, for one will dispel the other. Cast out doubt. Cultivate faith. Strive always to retain that childlike faith which can move mountains and bring heaven closer to heart and home" (President Thomas S. Monson, New Era, September 2005, 7).
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Day 81
Katie has her next treatment on Thursday. We are not sure what to expect, because she has done so well so far, during this particular phase. We have been told she will start "crashing" - but so far so good! Katie went to church again today. Scott went to nursery with her. Katie was so excited to be there! It is so good to see her face light up and to see her smile her Katie smile.
C. S. Lewis said, "God made us: invented us as a man invents an engine. A car is made to run on petrol, and it won't run properly on anything else. Now God designed the human machine to run on Himself. He Himself is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn, or the food our spirits were designed to feed on, there isn't any other. That's why it's just no good asking God to make us happy in our own way without bothering about religion. God can't give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it isn't there. There's no such thing" (The Case for Christianity, [New York City; MacMillan, 1948], p.43). Sometimes, I think teenagers think they "run" on themselves...they are sure they are so much smarter and know so much more than their parents. Frustrating! Tonight I am glad teenagers grow up, and that it isn't a permanent condition. - Acutally, what I am truly glad about is the blessing of having a family. It's not always fun or easy, but family does bring JOY.
C. S. Lewis said, "God made us: invented us as a man invents an engine. A car is made to run on petrol, and it won't run properly on anything else. Now God designed the human machine to run on Himself. He Himself is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn, or the food our spirits were designed to feed on, there isn't any other. That's why it's just no good asking God to make us happy in our own way without bothering about religion. God can't give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it isn't there. There's no such thing" (The Case for Christianity, [New York City; MacMillan, 1948], p.43). Sometimes, I think teenagers think they "run" on themselves...they are sure they are so much smarter and know so much more than their parents. Frustrating! Tonight I am glad teenagers grow up, and that it isn't a permanent condition. - Acutally, what I am truly glad about is the blessing of having a family. It's not always fun or easy, but family does bring JOY.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Day 80
Katie had another great day! We went on a bike ride this morning to see the horses. Then we went to buy her a tricycle - couldn't find one her size, so we bought a girly big wheel. Hope that will work for her. She seems to be doing fine. She woke up twice last night (darn) and her legs and feet are hurting, but overall she is doing surprisingly well.
"Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith" (President Thomas S. Monson, Ensign, May 2009, 92).
"Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith" (President Thomas S. Monson, Ensign, May 2009, 92).
Friday, January 27, 2012
Day 79
Katie's legs and feet started hurting today. We were expecting that. Scott rubbed her legs and feet several times today. Scott also took Katie to her physical therapy appointment. The therapist said Katie's right leg is weaker than her left. She told us to buy her a tricycle, and to help her walk up and down the stairs to help strengthen her.
My husband bought a dozen roses for me today - I should have bought them for him (so to speak). I had a grumpy day today. I am going to try and get out of the house (by myself tomorrow)... I have a little bit of "cabin fever". So, here is a good reminder for me, by President Thomas S. Monson, "We can lift ourselves...when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest virtues." (Ensign, May 1992, 54)
My husband bought a dozen roses for me today - I should have bought them for him (so to speak). I had a grumpy day today. I am going to try and get out of the house (by myself tomorrow)... I have a little bit of "cabin fever". So, here is a good reminder for me, by President Thomas S. Monson, "We can lift ourselves...when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest virtues." (Ensign, May 1992, 54)
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Day 78
It is my allergy season, here in Mesa, and it is just about to do me in! So, I am going to keep this short... Katie slept through the night again! I don't mean to keep going on about that, but after 80 days of very little sleep, it is amazing to us how simple the solution was - who would have guessed she just needed to be with her brother! I find that incredibly sweet!...and relieving!
Katie is still doing remarkably well! She will go to physical therapy tomorrow morning to help strengthen her muscles and improve her walking skills. Alma 58:10 syays, "We did pour out our soul in prayer to God and he did strengthen us." Today we are glad that God has strengthend us - all of us.
Katie is still doing remarkably well! She will go to physical therapy tomorrow morning to help strengthen her muscles and improve her walking skills. Alma 58:10 syays, "We did pour out our soul in prayer to God and he did strengthen us." Today we are glad that God has strengthend us - all of us.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Day 77
Katie slept through the night again! I find that amazing... Apparently, having her brother sleep in the same room as her is just what she needed. Now, if mommy and daddy can start sleeping soundly again, then life will be so much easier! Katie is still doing super today...I find that even more amazing! We are very grateful.
"I am only one, but I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. And what I can do, with the help of God, I will do" (Unknown). Today I am glad for the help of God, so I can do, what I need to do!
"I am only one, but I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. And what I can do, with the help of God, I will do" (Unknown). Today I am glad for the help of God, so I can do, what I need to do!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Day 76
Thank you for your prayers. We have been so blessed. Our sweet Katie is doing great. Today she is better than she ever has been after a chemo treatment - and they doubled her dose this time! So far she has only had tummy aches, which have been manageable on the anti-nausea medication. Honestly, she is doing so well, that if I hadn't watched them put the chemo into Katie yesterday, I would think they didn't do it. We are surprised at how well she is doing, but happy! Some side effects can still appear in about a week...but right now she is doing great. Our biggest concern at the moment, is her liver. Her liver functions are too high. So, we are specifically adding to our prayers asking that her liver will function properly and won't have long term damage.
My sister made a comment about teaching a lesson at church, from Elder Robert D. Hales talk, "Waiting upon the Lord: Thy Will Be done." I read it again and the part that really stood out to me last night was this:
"In your daily Christlike ministry, you are waiting upon the Lord and doing your Heavenly Father's will. His assurance to you is clear: 'Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.' He knows your sacrifices and your sorrows. He hears your prayers. His peace and rest will be yours as you continue to wait upon Him in faith.
"Every one of us is more beloved to the Lord than we can possibly understand or imagine. Let us therefore be kinder to one another and kinder toward ourselves. Let us remember that as we wait upon the Lord, we are becoming 'saints through His atonement,...submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon us, even as a child doth submit to his father." (Mosiah 3:19)... I express Gratitude that 'in my Gethsemane' and yours, we are not alone. He that watches over us 'shall neither slumber nor sleep.' His angels here and beyond the veil are 'round about us, to bear us up'. (D&C 84:88) I bear my special witness that our Savior's promise is true, for He says, 'They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31) May we wait upon Him by pressing forward in faith, that we may say in our prayers, 'Thy will be done,' and return to Him with honor."
Today I am glad for "angels here and beyond the veil who are round about us to bear us up". Our family has been strengthened and blessed. We know we have not been left alone. We believe in angels - here and beyond the veil. Katie's strength has been "renewed". - It may not always be so (physically), but for now it is -and whatever comes, we will accept the Lord's will in all things. Thank you again for all of your prayers!
P.S. I forgot to mention one of the most important things! Katie slept through the night last night - she didn't even cry once! Amazing! I guess tonight we will see if that was a fluke or not. =)
My sister made a comment about teaching a lesson at church, from Elder Robert D. Hales talk, "Waiting upon the Lord: Thy Will Be done." I read it again and the part that really stood out to me last night was this:
"In your daily Christlike ministry, you are waiting upon the Lord and doing your Heavenly Father's will. His assurance to you is clear: 'Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.' He knows your sacrifices and your sorrows. He hears your prayers. His peace and rest will be yours as you continue to wait upon Him in faith.
"Every one of us is more beloved to the Lord than we can possibly understand or imagine. Let us therefore be kinder to one another and kinder toward ourselves. Let us remember that as we wait upon the Lord, we are becoming 'saints through His atonement,...submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon us, even as a child doth submit to his father." (Mosiah 3:19)... I express Gratitude that 'in my Gethsemane' and yours, we are not alone. He that watches over us 'shall neither slumber nor sleep.' His angels here and beyond the veil are 'round about us, to bear us up'. (D&C 84:88) I bear my special witness that our Savior's promise is true, for He says, 'They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31) May we wait upon Him by pressing forward in faith, that we may say in our prayers, 'Thy will be done,' and return to Him with honor."
Today I am glad for "angels here and beyond the veil who are round about us to bear us up". Our family has been strengthened and blessed. We know we have not been left alone. We believe in angels - here and beyond the veil. Katie's strength has been "renewed". - It may not always be so (physically), but for now it is -and whatever comes, we will accept the Lord's will in all things. Thank you again for all of your prayers!
P.S. I forgot to mention one of the most important things! Katie slept through the night last night - she didn't even cry once! Amazing! I guess tonight we will see if that was a fluke or not. =)
Monday, January 23, 2012
Day 75
If you ever start to feel sorry for yourself, I recommend sitting in the waiting room at a children's clinic...It is a sure cure for self pity! I never knew there were so many sick children. The children I see are so brave and courageous! My heart goes out to all the children and their parents. Today I met a dad in the waiting room, his daughter is just a few months older than Katie, and she has a brain tumor. It sounded like her chemo treatments are more short term than Katie's, but more intense. She was bald and had a patch over one eye. I don't know what her prognosis is... The dad told me their older daughter had gone through the same thing - same brain tumor. They are the only people anywhere who has ever had two children with that type of brain tumor. I can't even imagine how hard that would be - to have to go through something like this with two of your children! Now matter how hard our situation is, I keep getting reminded that there are others, who are going through so much worse!
Katie and I spent 6 hours in the clinic today. I had forgotten we were getting a 3rd type of medication today in addition to the 2 chemo treatments - and that is why it took a little longer. Katie is doing fine. She didn't feel like eating dinner, but the good news she hasn't had any tummy troubles yet. They gave her a dose of anti-nausea medication prior to her treatments, but I am still surprised (grateful) she is doing as well as she is.
Last night Katie had nightmares. In an effort to prepare Conner for me being gone today, I told him last night (in front of Katie) that we would be going to the doctor today. Katie got upset and said she didn't want to go. I know Katie was having nightmares about it last night. She woke up hysterical and was almost inconsolable. She was restless for the rest of the night. After talking with Dr. Dana about our "night time troubles", I think we are going to try and have Katie and Conner sleep in the same room tonight. Katie and Conner were sharing a room prior to Katie getting sick and I switched her to her own room (for multiple reasons) prior to her coming home from that first hospital visit. Since then, Katie has been waking up multiple times a night, and it is hard to discern if she is hurting, scared, or just in the habit of being comforted. (When we were in the hospital - both times - I would sleep in the bed with her so she wouldn't be scared or to help her when she was hurting) The problem is that she is still wanting/needing that. Anyway, it hadn't even occurred to me, that she might feel better/safer if she were sleeping in the same room as her brother again. So, we are going to give it a try...that and a little tough love. Which is tough, because it is hard to discern when she is hurting or just "milking it". But mom and dad need some sleep too...
At Christmas time we gave our neighbors 7-UP soda with 7-up-lifting thoughts for the new year. Here is my favorite thought, thought #7, by President Thomas S. Monson: "It is important that we recognize that whatever has happened to us has happened to others. They have coped and so must we. We are not alone. Heavenly Father is near." Today I am glad to be reminded that I am not alone. My sister posted the nicest post on Facebook and others commented. Scott's parents were here to help. The Biggs brought us dinner. And our long day at clinic was made so much easier by watching movies and playing games on the I-Pad, that friends gave Katie. Thank you all for your support, help and prayers. Heavenly Father is near!
Katie and I spent 6 hours in the clinic today. I had forgotten we were getting a 3rd type of medication today in addition to the 2 chemo treatments - and that is why it took a little longer. Katie is doing fine. She didn't feel like eating dinner, but the good news she hasn't had any tummy troubles yet. They gave her a dose of anti-nausea medication prior to her treatments, but I am still surprised (grateful) she is doing as well as she is.
Last night Katie had nightmares. In an effort to prepare Conner for me being gone today, I told him last night (in front of Katie) that we would be going to the doctor today. Katie got upset and said she didn't want to go. I know Katie was having nightmares about it last night. She woke up hysterical and was almost inconsolable. She was restless for the rest of the night. After talking with Dr. Dana about our "night time troubles", I think we are going to try and have Katie and Conner sleep in the same room tonight. Katie and Conner were sharing a room prior to Katie getting sick and I switched her to her own room (for multiple reasons) prior to her coming home from that first hospital visit. Since then, Katie has been waking up multiple times a night, and it is hard to discern if she is hurting, scared, or just in the habit of being comforted. (When we were in the hospital - both times - I would sleep in the bed with her so she wouldn't be scared or to help her when she was hurting) The problem is that she is still wanting/needing that. Anyway, it hadn't even occurred to me, that she might feel better/safer if she were sleeping in the same room as her brother again. So, we are going to give it a try...that and a little tough love. Which is tough, because it is hard to discern when she is hurting or just "milking it". But mom and dad need some sleep too...
At Christmas time we gave our neighbors 7-UP soda with 7-up-lifting thoughts for the new year. Here is my favorite thought, thought #7, by President Thomas S. Monson: "It is important that we recognize that whatever has happened to us has happened to others. They have coped and so must we. We are not alone. Heavenly Father is near." Today I am glad to be reminded that I am not alone. My sister posted the nicest post on Facebook and others commented. Scott's parents were here to help. The Biggs brought us dinner. And our long day at clinic was made so much easier by watching movies and playing games on the I-Pad, that friends gave Katie. Thank you all for your support, help and prayers. Heavenly Father is near!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Day 74
Today Katie went to nursery (at church) for the second week in a row. I don't want her to miss out on the lessons and socialization. So, while her immune system is up high, we decided to let her go. I have gone in with her and I make sure she keeps her mask on and I use lots of hand sanitizer and Clorox wipes as we go, but she loves it! For almost 3 hours straight, Katie keeps her mask on at church, because she knows she has to if she is going to be there. It is amazing to me how much a 2 year old can understand, and how much it means to her to be at church! (I can barely stand to wear the mask for even 10 minutes, it is hot and hard to breathe and Katie does it for 3 hours!)
None of us are looking forward to tomorrow. It is day of 2 doses of chemo (higher doses than before). Katie and I will be at the Phoenix clinic for about 3 -5 hours. We expect the side effects will be worse this time and longer lasting. Katie is still having some side effects from the last dose (tummy aches, feet and hands hurting, hand tremors). If Katie is up to it, we will also start physical therapy on Thursday, to help with her muscle weakness. We are told to expect things to start getting worse again after this or the next round of chemo. So, we will see how it goes. No matter what, tomorrow is not a fun day. Accessing her port is still very traumatizing for her (and me), it is a long day with immediate side effects. But, we will take it as it comes.
President Kimball said, "Is there not wisdom in his giving us trial that we might rise above them, responsibilities that we might achieve, work to harden our muscles, sorrows to try our souls? Are we not exposed to temptations to test our strength, sickness that we might learn patience, death that we might be immortalized and glorified?
"If all the sick for whom we pray were healed, if all the righteous were protected and the wicked destroyed, the whole program of the father would be annulled and the basic principle of the gospel, free agency, would be ended. No man would have to live by faith.
"If joy and peace and rewards were instantaneously given the doer of good, there could be no evil - all would do good but not because of the rightness of doing good. There would be no test of strenght, no development of character, no growth of powers, no free agency, only satanic controls.
"Should all prayers be immediately answered according to our selfish desires and our limited understanding, then there would be little or no suffering, sorrow, disappointment, or even death, and if these were not, there would also be no joy, success, resurrection, nor eternal life and godhood" (Faith Precedes the Miracle, p97).
Today I am glad my life isn't run according to my limited understanding, but rather by a Father in Heaven who is loving, constant and unchanging. I am grateful that all things are in His hands and according to His will. I put my trust in Him.
None of us are looking forward to tomorrow. It is day of 2 doses of chemo (higher doses than before). Katie and I will be at the Phoenix clinic for about 3 -5 hours. We expect the side effects will be worse this time and longer lasting. Katie is still having some side effects from the last dose (tummy aches, feet and hands hurting, hand tremors). If Katie is up to it, we will also start physical therapy on Thursday, to help with her muscle weakness. We are told to expect things to start getting worse again after this or the next round of chemo. So, we will see how it goes. No matter what, tomorrow is not a fun day. Accessing her port is still very traumatizing for her (and me), it is a long day with immediate side effects. But, we will take it as it comes.
President Kimball said, "Is there not wisdom in his giving us trial that we might rise above them, responsibilities that we might achieve, work to harden our muscles, sorrows to try our souls? Are we not exposed to temptations to test our strength, sickness that we might learn patience, death that we might be immortalized and glorified?
"If all the sick for whom we pray were healed, if all the righteous were protected and the wicked destroyed, the whole program of the father would be annulled and the basic principle of the gospel, free agency, would be ended. No man would have to live by faith.
"If joy and peace and rewards were instantaneously given the doer of good, there could be no evil - all would do good but not because of the rightness of doing good. There would be no test of strenght, no development of character, no growth of powers, no free agency, only satanic controls.
"Should all prayers be immediately answered according to our selfish desires and our limited understanding, then there would be little or no suffering, sorrow, disappointment, or even death, and if these were not, there would also be no joy, success, resurrection, nor eternal life and godhood" (Faith Precedes the Miracle, p97).
Today I am glad my life isn't run according to my limited understanding, but rather by a Father in Heaven who is loving, constant and unchanging. I am grateful that all things are in His hands and according to His will. I put my trust in Him.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Day 73
Tired tonight....Dreading Monday and chemo treatments. "There are purposes that you cannot perceive or comprehend. You may never understand - At least not in this life - But you must never let go of your faith" (Dr. James Dobson) "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1) Today we are glad for 3 Disney dress-up princess dresses we bought at a garage sale for a dollar each.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Day 72
Last night was another long night of little sleep. "Accepting" that as the new norm, didn't seem to help in making us any less tired today! =) Today we went to see Toy Story 3 Disney on Ice. It was paid for by a group called Hope Kids - they have free events for children who have cancer and their families. We had a fun day together. Tonight we bought Katie and Conner a balloon at the dollar store. Scott later said, "If I had known it would make her laugh like that, I would have bought her 10 balloons!" It is so wonderful to hear her laugh again.
The month before we found out Katie had Leukemia, we watched the movie Pollyanna twice (two different versions). We had discussed the "glad" game with our children. So that movie was fresh in our minds when we started this blog, and that is part of the reason we decided to look for something to be "glad" about every day. Tonight I read something that mentioned the book Pollyanna. The book was originally published in 1913 and Pollyanna's creator, Eleanor Hodgman Porters said, "Pollyanna did not pretend that everything was good. Instead she represented a cheery, courageous acceptance of the facts. She understood that unpleasant things are always with us, but she believed in mitigating them by looking for whatever good there is in what is." Today I am glad for that reminder! We are looking for whatever good there is in what is. "Be Glad. Be Good. Be Brave" (Eleanor Hodgman Porter).
The month before we found out Katie had Leukemia, we watched the movie Pollyanna twice (two different versions). We had discussed the "glad" game with our children. So that movie was fresh in our minds when we started this blog, and that is part of the reason we decided to look for something to be "glad" about every day. Tonight I read something that mentioned the book Pollyanna. The book was originally published in 1913 and Pollyanna's creator, Eleanor Hodgman Porters said, "Pollyanna did not pretend that everything was good. Instead she represented a cheery, courageous acceptance of the facts. She understood that unpleasant things are always with us, but she believed in mitigating them by looking for whatever good there is in what is." Today I am glad for that reminder! We are looking for whatever good there is in what is. "Be Glad. Be Good. Be Brave" (Eleanor Hodgman Porter).
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Day 71
Katie's appetite seems to be returning. She is eating a little more today than yesterday. She has had a good day today. The nights are still long. Katie has been crying during the night, on the average of 3 times a night. Today I decided to stop waiting for that to stop. Every night, I think, "Maybe tonight we will get a full nights sleep." But, I think we are in this for the long haul - the long nights. So, we am ready to accept this as part of our "new routine". Katie has her next chemo treatment on Monday, so we will make the most of this weekend!
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow" (Melody Beattie). Today we are glad for the gifts gratitude brings.
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow" (Melody Beattie). Today we are glad for the gifts gratitude brings.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Day 70
Another long night. Katie's tummy was hurting. Although, she woke up first thing this morning and said, "I want breakfast." Which of course she didn't eat...but she did eat TWO bananas! Katie also ate her lunch, so I was hopeful, but she didn't eat dinner - only a handful of blueberries - but that is more than she has been eating, so it was good. She seems strong this week. She is walking really well and she even wanted to try the stairs today (with my help). We are told to expect things to get worse again within the next few weeks, but we are glad she is doing as well as she is for now!
We have just under 2 years of treatments left. Dr. Dana said the first 9 months would be hard, but it should get easier after that. We have already done the first 2 months - so only 7 more (hard months) to go (we hope). Elder Neal A. Maxwell stated: "When in situations of stress we wonder if there is any more in us to give, we can be comforted to know that God, who knows our capacity perfectly, placed us here to succeed. No one was foreordained to fail or to be wicked. When we have been weighed and found wanting, let us remember that we were measured before and we were found equal to our tasks; and, therefore, let us continue, but with a more determined discipleship. When we feel overwhelmed, let us recall the assurance that God will not over program us; he will not press upon us more than we can bear ("Meeting the Challenges of Today," BYU Speeches of the Year, 1978) (D&C 50:40-44) I was feeling a little down today...tonight, I opened a book to this quote and read these scriptures...so, guess I'll be okay. =) Today I am glad for the assurance that God will not over program us - and for the beauty and joy I find each day within my own family.
We have just under 2 years of treatments left. Dr. Dana said the first 9 months would be hard, but it should get easier after that. We have already done the first 2 months - so only 7 more (hard months) to go (we hope). Elder Neal A. Maxwell stated: "When in situations of stress we wonder if there is any more in us to give, we can be comforted to know that God, who knows our capacity perfectly, placed us here to succeed. No one was foreordained to fail or to be wicked. When we have been weighed and found wanting, let us remember that we were measured before and we were found equal to our tasks; and, therefore, let us continue, but with a more determined discipleship. When we feel overwhelmed, let us recall the assurance that God will not over program us; he will not press upon us more than we can bear ("Meeting the Challenges of Today," BYU Speeches of the Year, 1978) (D&C 50:40-44) I was feeling a little down today...tonight, I opened a book to this quote and read these scriptures...so, guess I'll be okay. =) Today I am glad for the assurance that God will not over program us - and for the beauty and joy I find each day within my own family.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Day 69
Today Katie didn't eat breakfast or dinner, but she ate lunch. So, she is averaging about one meal a day, right now. Although today she did eat a little bit of fruit after her nap and tonight. Katie told me this afternoon that her tummy hurts. The doctor told us she would loose weight during this phase, so we were expecting that, but it is hard to see her not eating. Katie doesn't go back to the doctor for her next treatment until Monday. She goes in every ten days during this phase. We were told the second or third dose of chemo (during this phase) is when she will probably start having more trouble
President Ezra Taft Benson made a statement suggesting how we might make a difference in our homes. "The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in... The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment" (Ensign, Nov. 1985, p.6). - Food for thought. I am grateful we have to opportunity to change, grow and progress. Today we are glad for Katie and Conner's laughter.
President Ezra Taft Benson made a statement suggesting how we might make a difference in our homes. "The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in... The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment" (Ensign, Nov. 1985, p.6). - Food for thought. I am grateful we have to opportunity to change, grow and progress. Today we are glad for Katie and Conner's laughter.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Day 68
Katie wouldn't eat breakfast again and only ate a couple bites of lunch - she did eat dinner though. This afternoon Katie wanted her toenails painted, but the twist is, she wanted her dad to paint them. Nathan came in halfway through and asked if his dad could help him with something. I told him his dad was painting Katie's toenails. Nathan said, "that's...awkward.". I told him that wasn't awkward. I said, "now if dad were painting his toenails, or Conner's, then THAT would be awkward." I told him, "Your dad painting Katie's toenails is just about the sweetest thing I have ever seen!" - Of course the batteries in the camera were dead - so I told Scott he will have to do it again. Today we are glad to have such a sweet daddy.
President David O. McKay said: "Every person who lives in this world wields an influence, whether for good or for evil. It is not what he says alone; it is not alone what he does. It is what he is....every person radiates what he or she really is...It is what we are and what we radiate that affects the people around us" (Man May Know for Himself,108).
President David O. McKay said: "Every person who lives in this world wields an influence, whether for good or for evil. It is not what he says alone; it is not alone what he does. It is what he is....every person radiates what he or she really is...It is what we are and what we radiate that affects the people around us" (Man May Know for Himself,108).
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Day 67
There are a lot of ups and downs, but overall, Katie is doing fine. I was up with Katie off and on during the night, so not a lot of sleep (again - still). For most of the day however, Katie was cheerful. She didn't eat any breakfast or lunch, but at church she ate snacks, and then she ate a few bites of dinner. Katie's hands have been trembling for the past few days and she complains of them hurting, along with her feet and head. On the up side though, she is still walking really well, and she even managed to bend over and pick up a few toys today. That was surprising to see. We are glad she is doing as well as she is. "And if ye do always remember me ye shall have my Spirit to be with you." ( 3 Nephi 18:7)
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Day 66
We had a good day. Katie ate a little more today. We are glad she is doing as well as she is. Our doctor said things will start getting "hard" about the 2nd to 3rd treatment in this phase.
"Scripture tells us to expect suffering and hardship, yet encourages us to be thankful and 'of good cheer.' How can we be triumphant and under intense pressure at the same time? That is a mystery that 'transcends all understanding.' But peace is available - even in times of storm. (Dr. James Dobson) "Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
"Scripture tells us to expect suffering and hardship, yet encourages us to be thankful and 'of good cheer.' How can we be triumphant and under intense pressure at the same time? That is a mystery that 'transcends all understanding.' But peace is available - even in times of storm. (Dr. James Dobson) "Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
Friday, January 13, 2012
Day 65
I can't begin to explain the relief we feel, in finally having a doctor we like and have confidence in. A huge weight has been lifted! I forgot to mention yesterday, that we had reached the official two year mark. Day one of Interim Maintenance meant Katie has exactly two years left of treatment (if all goes well anyway). However, yesterday we were given a reminder that there are no guarantees. There is a girl who had the same type of Leukemia as Katie, and same survival rate, but after a year of treatment, her Leukemia relapsed - no rhyme, no reason. So, we aren't out of the woods yet. Please keep Katie in your prayers!
Katie wouldn't eat anything for breakfast or lunch today - she would drink, but not eat - she did eat some soup for dinner. Katie woke up at 4:30 this morning and wanted a drink. She couldn't fall back asleep, so I stayed with her. I asked her if she liked the new doctor, and she said she did. I told her the new doctor was going to help her get rid of the cancer, and then her hair would grow back. About an hour (and three drinks) later, Katie turned to me and said, "She will help me get my hair back?" I told her she would, and then Katie said, "And then I can have a ponytail again?" I said, "Yes, and then you can have a ponytail again". Katie smiled her biggest smile and hugged me tight. It was a sweet moment.
Other than not eating and the diarrhea, Katie has done fine today. She has cried and complained about hurting - "tummy" and "everywhere" - but she seems to be doing fine. Scott had the day off, so we took Katie and Conner to the park for a picnic lunch and to play. When we left, Katie said, "that was a lot of fun!" We said, "Yes Katie, that was a lot of fun." Another sweet moment!
I don't want to take anything for granted. I don't want to miss any moments with her. I remember when this all started, Scott said to me, "I don't want to live every day, for the next two years, like she is dying." I said, "Really? Because I do!" We were both right in our own way. I told Scott that if Katie ended up dying, I didn't want to look back and have any regrets. Really though, no matter what, I suppose that is how we should all live each day, because there are no guarantees for any of us.
President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "I wonder what will happen to you in the next 10 years. Where will you be? What will you be doing? That will depend on the choices you make, some of which may seem unimportant at the time but which will have tremendous consequences" (Ensign, May 2004, 112-113). "The choices we make expand or limit our opportunities. We can use our agency to choose to obey, or we can use our agency to choose to disobey. In every case, we receive blessing and consequences, rewards and punishments based on the choices we make...God will not force us to be righteous and make good choices, and the devil cannot compel us to choose evil - we are free to choose (Helaman 14:30-31) Remember, that which produces a sense of joy and peace and sweet assurance comes of God, and that which confuses and darkens comes of the devil (Moroni 7:12 -17). Our future, here and hereafter, depends on the choices we make" (Lloyd D. Newell, "He Shall Fulfill All of His Promises"). Today I am glad for that reminder.
Katie wouldn't eat anything for breakfast or lunch today - she would drink, but not eat - she did eat some soup for dinner. Katie woke up at 4:30 this morning and wanted a drink. She couldn't fall back asleep, so I stayed with her. I asked her if she liked the new doctor, and she said she did. I told her the new doctor was going to help her get rid of the cancer, and then her hair would grow back. About an hour (and three drinks) later, Katie turned to me and said, "She will help me get my hair back?" I told her she would, and then Katie said, "And then I can have a ponytail again?" I said, "Yes, and then you can have a ponytail again". Katie smiled her biggest smile and hugged me tight. It was a sweet moment.
Other than not eating and the diarrhea, Katie has done fine today. She has cried and complained about hurting - "tummy" and "everywhere" - but she seems to be doing fine. Scott had the day off, so we took Katie and Conner to the park for a picnic lunch and to play. When we left, Katie said, "that was a lot of fun!" We said, "Yes Katie, that was a lot of fun." Another sweet moment!
I don't want to take anything for granted. I don't want to miss any moments with her. I remember when this all started, Scott said to me, "I don't want to live every day, for the next two years, like she is dying." I said, "Really? Because I do!" We were both right in our own way. I told Scott that if Katie ended up dying, I didn't want to look back and have any regrets. Really though, no matter what, I suppose that is how we should all live each day, because there are no guarantees for any of us.
President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "I wonder what will happen to you in the next 10 years. Where will you be? What will you be doing? That will depend on the choices you make, some of which may seem unimportant at the time but which will have tremendous consequences" (Ensign, May 2004, 112-113). "The choices we make expand or limit our opportunities. We can use our agency to choose to obey, or we can use our agency to choose to disobey. In every case, we receive blessing and consequences, rewards and punishments based on the choices we make...God will not force us to be righteous and make good choices, and the devil cannot compel us to choose evil - we are free to choose (Helaman 14:30-31) Remember, that which produces a sense of joy and peace and sweet assurance comes of God, and that which confuses and darkens comes of the devil (Moroni 7:12 -17). Our future, here and hereafter, depends on the choices we make" (Lloyd D. Newell, "He Shall Fulfill All of His Promises"). Today I am glad for that reminder.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Day 64
Today we had a strange twist of events, but it turned out to be a blessing in the end. The doctor we were scheduled to meet with (Dr. Henry), had a family emergency, and he wasn't there for our appointment. I about blew a gasket - I didn't though, because a family emergency is an emergency, it couldn't be avoided, but still very frustrating! We had made an appointment with this doctor (quite awhile ago) prior to Katie's last hospitalization - but Katie happened to be in the hospital on the day of that appointment. So, we were told the doctor would meet with us before we left the hospital. That didn't happen. I was then told to make another appointment with him, which I tried to do, and I was told I was not "allowed" to make a consultation appointment with him (per him). I didn't understand that, or appreciate that, but what choice did I have? So I did what I was told to do, which was to make Katie's next treatment appointment there (the Phoenix clinic) and then he would talk with us and go over Katie's treatment plan to clear up all of the discrepancies, etc... I wasn't sure if we even wanted him for our doctor, that is why I wanted to consult with him first, but I knew we needed to make a change, so we went ahead and made our appointment with him in Phoenix. Then when we get there today, two weeks later, a nurse practitioner came in and said she would be meeting with us instead of Dr. Henry. I was not happy! The nurse practitioner, Britt, was very understanding and handled it very well and we were grateful.
The good news is, this actually turned out for the best. We ended up meeting with one of the department heads, who is a Leukemia specialist, and we loved her, and after talking to her in depth, we asked her if she could be Katie's doctor, and long story short, she is now Katie's doctor. We are extremely impressed with her - more so than any other doctor we have met throughout this entire process - and we have met a lot - between both hospitals. Her name is Dr. Dana Salzberg. She is about the same age I am, she was very nice, and she is very knowledgeable. I feel like she will be a perfect fit for us and Katie's needs. She actually specializes in working with children whose Leukemia relapses - and heaven forbid that happens, but if it does, we already have the right doctor. It was a tender mercy today to find her - she is an answer to our many prayers and concerns about finding the right doctor. (I would be overjoyed if it weren't for the fact that I have a splitting headache right now).
Katie is doing just fine. It was a long day. We were there from 10:30 a.m. until about 3:00 p.m. Katie got a dose of anti-nausea medicine along with her double dose of chemo, so she is feeling okay for now. It will take about a week for the muscle weakness to kick in. Dr. Dana (she goes by her first name) is setting up physical therapy for Katie to help her to get the strength to stand up, do stairs and improve her walking skills. Dr. Dana also said this phase may not be as bad as we had previously been lead to believe - it may, or it may not be - we will just have to see how it goes. Katie didn't eat one bite of dinner tonight. She has had 5 diaper changes since we got home. So, it begins...
Today we are so glad and grateful to have found Dr. Dana. We feel blessed! Thank you to all those who brought by gifts and food this evening. We are grateful! "I would that ye should remember, that as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day. (Alma 38:5)
The good news is, this actually turned out for the best. We ended up meeting with one of the department heads, who is a Leukemia specialist, and we loved her, and after talking to her in depth, we asked her if she could be Katie's doctor, and long story short, she is now Katie's doctor. We are extremely impressed with her - more so than any other doctor we have met throughout this entire process - and we have met a lot - between both hospitals. Her name is Dr. Dana Salzberg. She is about the same age I am, she was very nice, and she is very knowledgeable. I feel like she will be a perfect fit for us and Katie's needs. She actually specializes in working with children whose Leukemia relapses - and heaven forbid that happens, but if it does, we already have the right doctor. It was a tender mercy today to find her - she is an answer to our many prayers and concerns about finding the right doctor. (I would be overjoyed if it weren't for the fact that I have a splitting headache right now).
Katie is doing just fine. It was a long day. We were there from 10:30 a.m. until about 3:00 p.m. Katie got a dose of anti-nausea medicine along with her double dose of chemo, so she is feeling okay for now. It will take about a week for the muscle weakness to kick in. Dr. Dana (she goes by her first name) is setting up physical therapy for Katie to help her to get the strength to stand up, do stairs and improve her walking skills. Dr. Dana also said this phase may not be as bad as we had previously been lead to believe - it may, or it may not be - we will just have to see how it goes. Katie didn't eat one bite of dinner tonight. She has had 5 diaper changes since we got home. So, it begins...
Today we are so glad and grateful to have found Dr. Dana. We feel blessed! Thank you to all those who brought by gifts and food this evening. We are grateful! "I would that ye should remember, that as much as ye shall put your trust in God even so much ye shall be delivered out of your trials, and your troubles, and your afflictions, and ye shall be lifted up at the last day. (Alma 38:5)
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Day 63
Today...hmm...what to say about today. I kept calling Katie, Cozy. Conner choked on his lunch and I had to do the child heimlich maneuver on him, as I am yelling for Scott's mom to call 911. Thankfully, whatever I did, worked before she dialed. Also, the freezer we got, less than a month ago, stopped working. Never mind that I have spent the past two weeks, double cooking meals, so I could freeze one each time - because I knew the next two months are going to be hard and I wanted to have meals ready to go. They went alright! - All in one day. Yah...what to say about today....
AND, what to say about tomorrow...Katie starts her Interim Maintenance I phase. Starting tomorrow, she will go in every 10 days or so, for a double dose of chemo, getting higher doses each time, until her body just can't take it anymore. The common side effects we are to expect during the next two months are: mouth sores, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, constipation, stomach ache, hair loss (the few hairs she has left), irritation of nerves - numbness, tingling of fingers and toes, muscle weakness (meaning she won't be able to walk again) and abnormal liver functions. The less common side effects are: kidney damage, headache, drowsiness, blurred vision, double vision, low blood counts, skin sensitivity, drooping eyelids, jaw pain and seizures. Yah...what to say about tomorrow...
Elder D. Todd Christofferson tells a story in this month's Ensign about his mother. He starts by saying,
"Sometimes all we can handle is one day - or even just part of one day - at a time. In the 1950s my mother survived radical cancer surgery, which was followed by dozens of painful radiation treatments. She recalls that her mother taught her something during that time that has helped her ever since: 'I was so sick and weak, and I said to her one day, 'Oh, Mother, I can't stand having 16 more of those treatments.' 'She said, 'Can you go today?' 'Yes.' 'Well, honey, that's all you have to do today.' "It has helped me many times when I remember to take one day or one thing at a time. The Spirit can guide us when to look ahead and when we should deal just with this one day, with this one moment."
Scott is out getting us another freezer, and right now, I am dealing with this one moment, because I am tired of dealing with everything else. Tomorrow I will deal with tomorrow. One treatment at a time.
Today I am glad we took Katie to the park. No one was there, we put her mask on, didn't let her play in the sand, and sanitized her when it was over - but she had fun! I wanted her to have fun, on the last day we know she will feel good. It worked. She and Conner had a blast!
AND, what to say about tomorrow...Katie starts her Interim Maintenance I phase. Starting tomorrow, she will go in every 10 days or so, for a double dose of chemo, getting higher doses each time, until her body just can't take it anymore. The common side effects we are to expect during the next two months are: mouth sores, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, constipation, stomach ache, hair loss (the few hairs she has left), irritation of nerves - numbness, tingling of fingers and toes, muscle weakness (meaning she won't be able to walk again) and abnormal liver functions. The less common side effects are: kidney damage, headache, drowsiness, blurred vision, double vision, low blood counts, skin sensitivity, drooping eyelids, jaw pain and seizures. Yah...what to say about tomorrow...
Elder D. Todd Christofferson tells a story in this month's Ensign about his mother. He starts by saying,
"Sometimes all we can handle is one day - or even just part of one day - at a time. In the 1950s my mother survived radical cancer surgery, which was followed by dozens of painful radiation treatments. She recalls that her mother taught her something during that time that has helped her ever since: 'I was so sick and weak, and I said to her one day, 'Oh, Mother, I can't stand having 16 more of those treatments.' 'She said, 'Can you go today?' 'Yes.' 'Well, honey, that's all you have to do today.' "It has helped me many times when I remember to take one day or one thing at a time. The Spirit can guide us when to look ahead and when we should deal just with this one day, with this one moment."
Scott is out getting us another freezer, and right now, I am dealing with this one moment, because I am tired of dealing with everything else. Tomorrow I will deal with tomorrow. One treatment at a time.
Today I am glad we took Katie to the park. No one was there, we put her mask on, didn't let her play in the sand, and sanitized her when it was over - but she had fun! I wanted her to have fun, on the last day we know she will feel good. It worked. She and Conner had a blast!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Day 62
Katie played with Play dough today. She loves Play dough. She also talked a lot today - still not as much as before, but it was so wonderful to hear her chatter on with her Play dough "babies" that mommy and Grandma made for her. She is such a sweet little thing. She loves to play "mommy" - and even cuter, recently, she loves to play like she is a baby. She is funny.
Last night we had a difficult event in our lives. After I posted on the blog, my dog of 15+ years, unexpectedly died. She was fine and then she wasn't...and then she was gone. Her name is Cozette. We called her Cozy. She was a gift to me from my parents when I moved to Arizona, at the age of 28. When I moved here I was single and alone. I had roommates for a couple of years, but after that, it was just Cozy and I. Cozy became more than a dog to me. Because I was "old" and single, she became my "baby". At times, she was the only companionship I had. My family lives out of state and I lived alone. Cozy was my constant companion for all those years - she kept me company and was my friend. When my parents got sick and my dad died, she helped me get through all of those changes. When I got married, I was almost 39 years old, and Cozy 10. Scott came to the marriage with 4 children, I came with Cozy. Then came Conner and Katie. That dog and I went through a lot of life changes together. She helped me get through each one. She was a constant source of comfort and love. This past 2 months, she has been especially comforting to me, and in her own way, she helped get me through it.
Cozy had her quirks, but no one could doubt her love or faithfulness to me. Cozy was literally my shadow for 15 years. I was never alone, she was always within arms reach. She never left my side. She followed me wherever I went, room to room. Even when I showered, she would wait on the bath mat in the bathroom. (Which to some, I am sure, that sounds irritating, but to me, it was endearing). Cozy had an unconditional love for me that can not be described or replaced. I grieve her loss. She didn't know she was a dog...I "humanized" her when I was single and she never learned otherwise.
After me, Katie was the one, who loved Cozy the most. Katie loves puppies, but especially her Cozy. Conner was right after her, he just didn't like Cozy's "stinky kisses". Katie, Conner and I would often play like Cozy was a Polar Bear or a White Tiger, we would play peek-a-boo with her and hide and go seek. Cozy would go with our family on bike rides, walks, and car rides. Cozy always came home with us to New Mexico. And when she was left at home, what a greeting we would get, every time, upon returning! -Even if we just went to the grocery store. She was a good, faithful, loving and loyal dog. She can not be replaced. I will miss all the laughter she brought into our home with Katie and Conner. I will miss her unconditional love. I will miss my little "shadow".
Today I am glad Cozy lived such a long life. I may have taken care of her, but really, she is the one who took care of me, all these years. I am grateful to her.
Last night we had a difficult event in our lives. After I posted on the blog, my dog of 15+ years, unexpectedly died. She was fine and then she wasn't...and then she was gone. Her name is Cozette. We called her Cozy. She was a gift to me from my parents when I moved to Arizona, at the age of 28. When I moved here I was single and alone. I had roommates for a couple of years, but after that, it was just Cozy and I. Cozy became more than a dog to me. Because I was "old" and single, she became my "baby". At times, she was the only companionship I had. My family lives out of state and I lived alone. Cozy was my constant companion for all those years - she kept me company and was my friend. When my parents got sick and my dad died, she helped me get through all of those changes. When I got married, I was almost 39 years old, and Cozy 10. Scott came to the marriage with 4 children, I came with Cozy. Then came Conner and Katie. That dog and I went through a lot of life changes together. She helped me get through each one. She was a constant source of comfort and love. This past 2 months, she has been especially comforting to me, and in her own way, she helped get me through it.
Cozy had her quirks, but no one could doubt her love or faithfulness to me. Cozy was literally my shadow for 15 years. I was never alone, she was always within arms reach. She never left my side. She followed me wherever I went, room to room. Even when I showered, she would wait on the bath mat in the bathroom. (Which to some, I am sure, that sounds irritating, but to me, it was endearing). Cozy had an unconditional love for me that can not be described or replaced. I grieve her loss. She didn't know she was a dog...I "humanized" her when I was single and she never learned otherwise.
After me, Katie was the one, who loved Cozy the most. Katie loves puppies, but especially her Cozy. Conner was right after her, he just didn't like Cozy's "stinky kisses". Katie, Conner and I would often play like Cozy was a Polar Bear or a White Tiger, we would play peek-a-boo with her and hide and go seek. Cozy would go with our family on bike rides, walks, and car rides. Cozy always came home with us to New Mexico. And when she was left at home, what a greeting we would get, every time, upon returning! -Even if we just went to the grocery store. She was a good, faithful, loving and loyal dog. She can not be replaced. I will miss all the laughter she brought into our home with Katie and Conner. I will miss her unconditional love. I will miss my little "shadow".
Today I am glad Cozy lived such a long life. I may have taken care of her, but really, she is the one who took care of me, all these years. I am grateful to her.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Day 61
Katie had a good day. She did some things today that she hasn't been able to do since she got sick. She got out of bed this morning and came in my room to wake me up. Later, she scooted down the stairs on her bum bum. I was very surprised to find her downstairs and not upstairs where I left her! She was in a better mood today, even though she was up at least 3 times last night, with her tummy hurting. This morning I took Katie and Conner to buy donuts for breakfast, and then tonight we went out to dinner for Scott's dad's birthday. I am wanting her go and do while she still can. We are trying to make the most of each day. It was so fun to watch her play with her dolls are barbies today. She is such a sweet girl and she makes me laugh.
"We talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ...that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins." (2 Nephi 25:26) "It is not enough simply for parents to provide food and shelter for their children's physical well-being. There is an equal responsibility to provide nourishment and direction to the spirit and the mind and the heart." (Gordon B. Hickley) What a huge responsibility we have to our children! I am so grateful for the gift Heavenly Father gave me, in allowing me the privilege, of having children in this life. My children have brought new meaning and joy to my life, that is beyond description. I am thankful everyday for them. What a blessing they are! What a gift! I love them so very much!
"We talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ...that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins." (2 Nephi 25:26) "It is not enough simply for parents to provide food and shelter for their children's physical well-being. There is an equal responsibility to provide nourishment and direction to the spirit and the mind and the heart." (Gordon B. Hickley) What a huge responsibility we have to our children! I am so grateful for the gift Heavenly Father gave me, in allowing me the privilege, of having children in this life. My children have brought new meaning and joy to my life, that is beyond description. I am thankful everyday for them. What a blessing they are! What a gift! I love them so very much!
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Day 60
Katie had a fussy day...not sure why. Today in church I referred to a quote from the old Relief Society Manual (Come Unto Me, p.4). The full quote is: "We need the support of our sisters in the gospel at all times, but especially when adversity comes into our lives. 'The brotherhood and sisterhood of the gospel is never more priceless than at such times when it is needed most. Social aloneness leads to aloneness of the spirit, and that is the ultimate tragedy'... No woman need feel alone when she is sustained by the love of the sisters of the Relief Society. - Everyone needs associations with others, 'for none of us liveth to himself' (Romans 14:7)"
I affirm this to be true. "Social support" leads to an increase of the spirit. Today I am glad for being sustained by the love of my sisters in Relief Society and all others who have strengthened and supported us. Please keep praying for Katie!
I affirm this to be true. "Social support" leads to an increase of the spirit. Today I am glad for being sustained by the love of my sisters in Relief Society and all others who have strengthened and supported us. Please keep praying for Katie!
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Day 59
We love to see Katie smile and laugh! Katie is doing a little better every day. She is wanting to do more every day. She is getting stronger every day. That is why I wake up every day, dreading January 12th, more and more. Katie goes back on Thursday (the 12th) to start her next "phase" of treatments. She will get sick again and loose her ability to walk - again. That breaks my heart! She has been so proud of herself these past two weeks and has loved regaining some of her independence. So, this next phase is going to be hard on multiple levels.
Although I wake up each morning dreading what is coming, I am still trying to enjoy how good she is feeling and doing now. I have also tried to remind myself the most important thing is that Katie is responding to the treatments. It will be a long and difficult two years, but as long as she continues to respond, then at the end of all this, she will be alive.
James E. Talmage wrote, "The Parable of the Owl Express". In it, he tells of being stranded at a train station during a bad storm. The train arrived late, long after midnight, because it had been delayed by the storm. Brother Talmage was concerned about all the worrisome possibilities - even probabilities - of troubles on the ride ahead. So, he asked the Engineer of the train if he was concerned. "In effect the engineer responded: Look at the engine head-light. Doesn't that light up the track for a hundred yards or more? Well, all I try to do is to cover that hundred yards of lighted track. That I can see, and for that distance I know the road-bed is open and safe...The light of the engine is always ahead of me!"
Brother Talmage compared that to our lives. "We may not know what lies ahead of us in the future years, nor even in the days or hours immediately beyond. But for a few yards, or possibly only a few feet, the track is clear, our duty is plain, our course is illuminated. For that short distance, for the next step, lighted by the inspiration of God, go on!" So, go on we will, thankful for the light (of Christ) ahead...
Today we were glad to spend a "feel good day" together (in between Katie's tummy aches and diarrhea). Scott and I are still tired/exhausted and stressed, so the "feel good" feeling kind of ebbs and flows that way too. However, we are trying to focus on the positive and tomorrow is another day.
Although I wake up each morning dreading what is coming, I am still trying to enjoy how good she is feeling and doing now. I have also tried to remind myself the most important thing is that Katie is responding to the treatments. It will be a long and difficult two years, but as long as she continues to respond, then at the end of all this, she will be alive.
James E. Talmage wrote, "The Parable of the Owl Express". In it, he tells of being stranded at a train station during a bad storm. The train arrived late, long after midnight, because it had been delayed by the storm. Brother Talmage was concerned about all the worrisome possibilities - even probabilities - of troubles on the ride ahead. So, he asked the Engineer of the train if he was concerned. "In effect the engineer responded: Look at the engine head-light. Doesn't that light up the track for a hundred yards or more? Well, all I try to do is to cover that hundred yards of lighted track. That I can see, and for that distance I know the road-bed is open and safe...The light of the engine is always ahead of me!"
Brother Talmage compared that to our lives. "We may not know what lies ahead of us in the future years, nor even in the days or hours immediately beyond. But for a few yards, or possibly only a few feet, the track is clear, our duty is plain, our course is illuminated. For that short distance, for the next step, lighted by the inspiration of God, go on!" So, go on we will, thankful for the light (of Christ) ahead...
Today we were glad to spend a "feel good day" together (in between Katie's tummy aches and diarrhea). Scott and I are still tired/exhausted and stressed, so the "feel good" feeling kind of ebbs and flows that way too. However, we are trying to focus on the positive and tomorrow is another day.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Christmas Pictures 2011 (Day 58)
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| Christmas Morning Excitement |
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| Katie's Barbie House (Palace) |
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| Sleepy Head Conner |
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| Laughter is the Best Medicine |
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| Our Super Hero |
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| Fairy Princess |
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| Mule Riding |
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| "You Could Even Say it Glows" |
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| Lots of Lights |
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| Sleeping Beauty |
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Day 57
Well, school started again yesterday for Nathan, and wouldn't you know it, he came home early today with the stomach flu!! It is a bad one too - he is hurting. Katie is having tummy troubles today also, I hope she isn't getting it! Today was nice, I helped at Conner's preschool, while Grandma Epps took care of Katie. They both seemed to enjoy their day.
You know...there are some people out there, who seek to make others miserable, like unto themselves. I just pulled myself out of the carnage of that wreckage, and I have absolutely no intention of ever getting back on that misery train - ever again. Unfortunately, I can not completely shield myself or my family from the misery. It is a parallel reality we have to deal with. However, I believe the two parallel realities should cross as infrequently as possible. Misery may love company, but this misery is going to have to find company elsewhere. I will take care of myself and my family. A line has been drawn in the sand and misery is not allowed to cross.
I was looking for a scripture to post today, I thought I had one marked and I couldn't find it. As I thumbed through my Bible, I stopped at 2 Corinthians 6. I didn't really have anything marked there, but I felt compelled to read it. It was a good reminder to me of what to do and how to do it.
"We then, as workers together with Him, beseech you also that ye receive not the grace of God in vain.
"Giving no offence in any thing, that the ministry be not blamed:
"But in all things approving ourselves as the ministers of God, in much patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses,
"In stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labours, in watchings, in fasting:
"By pureness, by knowledge, by long suffering, by kindness, by the Holy Ghost, by love unfeigned,
"By the word of truth, by the power of God, by the armour of righteousness on the right hand and on the left...
"As sorrowful, yet alway rejoicing: as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things.
"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers; for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?
"And what concord hath Christ with Belial? Or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
"And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
"Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing: and I will receive you.
"And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty" (2 Cor 1-7, 10, 14-18).
All this is about and for Katie (and the rest of my family). Today, Scott and I are glad to be equally yoked. The stronger I am, the better able I am to care for my family. This I will do. My focus is on getting Katie well and taking care of the physical,emotional and spiritual well being of all.
You know...there are some people out there, who seek to make others miserable, like unto themselves. I just pulled myself out of the carnage of that wreckage, and I have absolutely no intention of ever getting back on that misery train - ever again. Unfortunately, I can not completely shield myself or my family from the misery. It is a parallel reality we have to deal with. However, I believe the two parallel realities should cross as infrequently as possible. Misery may love company, but this misery is going to have to find company elsewhere. I will take care of myself and my family. A line has been drawn in the sand and misery is not allowed to cross.
I was looking for a scripture to post today, I thought I had one marked and I couldn't find it. As I thumbed through my Bible, I stopped at 2 Corinthians 6. I didn't really have anything marked there, but I felt compelled to read it. It was a good reminder to me of what to do and how to do it.
"We then, as workers together with Him, beseech you also that ye receive not the grace of God in vain.
"Giving no offence in any thing, that the ministry be not blamed:
"But in all things approving ourselves as the ministers of God, in much patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses,
"In stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labours, in watchings, in fasting:
"By pureness, by knowledge, by long suffering, by kindness, by the Holy Ghost, by love unfeigned,
"By the word of truth, by the power of God, by the armour of righteousness on the right hand and on the left...
"As sorrowful, yet alway rejoicing: as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things.
"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers; for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?
"And what concord hath Christ with Belial? Or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
"And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
"Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing: and I will receive you.
"And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty" (2 Cor 1-7, 10, 14-18).
All this is about and for Katie (and the rest of my family). Today, Scott and I are glad to be equally yoked. The stronger I am, the better able I am to care for my family. This I will do. My focus is on getting Katie well and taking care of the physical,emotional and spiritual well being of all.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Day 56
How do you thank a teenage girl who gave such a selfless, gracious, generous, thoughtful and perfect gift to sweet Katie...I don't know how to show our appreciation, but THANK YOU ASHLYN! Thank you also to the other generous donors, for helping add to this wonderful gift for Katie.
Katie slept through the night last night...too bad I had insomnia!!! =) Katie is doing good right now. There are still a lot of things she can't do, but she is getting around pretty well - which is so nice for both of us! I have been trying to make special "mommy time" for everyone (even Nathan - and Scott). Things seem kind of "normal" right now. Back into a routine. I am at home during the day to care for Katie & Conner and thankfully, Scott is still on light duty, and is home every night and weekend. Conner is a handful, as fast as I clean up, he makes a mess. He is definitely a four year old boy!...But as sweet as could be! (Tonight he broke the lid off of the toilet - how he managed that, I don't know). As for Katie, she has had a cough for a month now, which keeps me worried. She is still on a daily chemo pill, the only side effects I notice are that she gets frequent stomach aches (which make her sad or grumpy), and she doesn't always want to eat. She has another week before she has to go in for her next treatment. So, for now, we will just enjoy - now.
Yesterday, in the quote by President Uchtdorf, he quoted the Apostle Paul. So, today I was thinking about Paul and remembered I had recently read some accounts about Paul in a book ("What the Scriptures Teach Us about Adversity" by S. Michael Wilcox). The author says:
"I think it evidence of God's wisdom that the greatest and most often repeated lessons come from those who have experienced the deepest opposition to their happiness and well-being...One such was the Apostle Paul. Next to the Savior himself, I can think of no other individual in the New Testament who faced greater adversity and trial than Paul...
"We do have some idea of Paul's sufferings... for he wrote of his experiences to the Corinthian Saints, describing the hardships of his life in the following brief passage:
"In stripes above measure, in prisons more frequent, in deaths oft. Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; in journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; in weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness' (2 Corinthians 11:23-27)
"I think we can conclude without equivocation that Paul knew something of suffering and adversity... Here is a man who knew pain and had also seen the future glory in store for the faithful. With his grasp of those opposing realities, Paul still affirmed that we cannot compare the two: The glory surpasses the pain." (Paul is the author of the amazing scriptures in Romans 8:18, 8:28, 8:35-39 - I have already quoted these scriptures without realizing they were written by Paul and without understanding there full scope and meaning. These scriptures take on added meaning when you consider the author and his life experiences). (I am learning line upon line, precept upon precept).
In an Epistle to the Romans, Paul teaches the way God can change our negatives to positives. Romans 5:1-5 "Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
"by whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
"And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
"And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
"And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."
I have come to understand that it is in adversity that we gain experience, and through that experience we gain character - hopefully to increase our gifts of patience, mercy, compassion, long suffering and kindness. "Paul knew this and gloried in the assurance that the difficult trials of his life were making him, through his patience, a better man - a refined tool in the hands of the Lord...As our character continues to be refined through our tribulations and our patience, the hope that we are accepted of God becomes firmer and firmer, and we sense the Lord's approval and love." (S. Michael Wilcox)
Today I am glad to be reassured that good will come from adversity (as long as I remain humble, grateful and faithful). I am so grateful for the example of Paul. I am strengthened by his faith, words and testimony!
Katie slept through the night last night...too bad I had insomnia!!! =) Katie is doing good right now. There are still a lot of things she can't do, but she is getting around pretty well - which is so nice for both of us! I have been trying to make special "mommy time" for everyone (even Nathan - and Scott). Things seem kind of "normal" right now. Back into a routine. I am at home during the day to care for Katie & Conner and thankfully, Scott is still on light duty, and is home every night and weekend. Conner is a handful, as fast as I clean up, he makes a mess. He is definitely a four year old boy!...But as sweet as could be! (Tonight he broke the lid off of the toilet - how he managed that, I don't know). As for Katie, she has had a cough for a month now, which keeps me worried. She is still on a daily chemo pill, the only side effects I notice are that she gets frequent stomach aches (which make her sad or grumpy), and she doesn't always want to eat. She has another week before she has to go in for her next treatment. So, for now, we will just enjoy - now.
Yesterday, in the quote by President Uchtdorf, he quoted the Apostle Paul. So, today I was thinking about Paul and remembered I had recently read some accounts about Paul in a book ("What the Scriptures Teach Us about Adversity" by S. Michael Wilcox). The author says:
"I think it evidence of God's wisdom that the greatest and most often repeated lessons come from those who have experienced the deepest opposition to their happiness and well-being...One such was the Apostle Paul. Next to the Savior himself, I can think of no other individual in the New Testament who faced greater adversity and trial than Paul...
"We do have some idea of Paul's sufferings... for he wrote of his experiences to the Corinthian Saints, describing the hardships of his life in the following brief passage:
"In stripes above measure, in prisons more frequent, in deaths oft. Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; in journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; in weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness' (2 Corinthians 11:23-27)
"I think we can conclude without equivocation that Paul knew something of suffering and adversity... Here is a man who knew pain and had also seen the future glory in store for the faithful. With his grasp of those opposing realities, Paul still affirmed that we cannot compare the two: The glory surpasses the pain." (Paul is the author of the amazing scriptures in Romans 8:18, 8:28, 8:35-39 - I have already quoted these scriptures without realizing they were written by Paul and without understanding there full scope and meaning. These scriptures take on added meaning when you consider the author and his life experiences). (I am learning line upon line, precept upon precept).
In an Epistle to the Romans, Paul teaches the way God can change our negatives to positives. Romans 5:1-5 "Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
"by whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
"And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
"And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
"And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."
I have come to understand that it is in adversity that we gain experience, and through that experience we gain character - hopefully to increase our gifts of patience, mercy, compassion, long suffering and kindness. "Paul knew this and gloried in the assurance that the difficult trials of his life were making him, through his patience, a better man - a refined tool in the hands of the Lord...As our character continues to be refined through our tribulations and our patience, the hope that we are accepted of God becomes firmer and firmer, and we sense the Lord's approval and love." (S. Michael Wilcox)
Today I am glad to be reassured that good will come from adversity (as long as I remain humble, grateful and faithful). I am so grateful for the example of Paul. I am strengthened by his faith, words and testimony!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Day 55
Katie still has her "steroid cheeks", I am beginning to wonder if they will ever go back to normal. Katie is happier now (by far) than she was on the steroids, but still not the same as before - not as happy, not as talkative, not as full of sunshine. I hope she will be able to find her joy again.
Conner still asks me at least 10 times a day if I will "be here in the morning" or if I am "going to the hospital" or "if I am leaving". He clings to me all day, and now it is a competition between the two of them (Katie & Conner), both want mommy. I hope in time that will ease too.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf is always a good source to read if you need a pick me up. The last few paragraphs of his conference address in October brought me to tears, as it was so meaningful. I have read his talk twice since then, and it still "works". I always feel better afterward. Here is my favorite part:
"...Please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him. Have hope and faith in that promise. Learn to love your Heavenly Father and become His disciple in word and in deed.
"Be assured that if you but hold on, believe in Him, and remain faithful in keeping the commandments, one day you will experience for yourselves the promises revealed to the Apostle Paul: 'Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.'
"Brothers and sisters, the most powerful Being in the universe is the Father of your spirit. He knows you. He loves you with a perfect love.
"God sees you not only as a mortal being on a small planet who lives for a brief season - He sees you as His child. He sees you as the being you are capable and designed to become. He wants you to know that you matter to Him.
"May we ever believe, trust, and align our lives so that we will understand our true eternal worth and potential." ("You Matter to Him", President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Ensign, November 2011)
Today I am glad to be reminded of my true eternal worth and potential.
Conner still asks me at least 10 times a day if I will "be here in the morning" or if I am "going to the hospital" or "if I am leaving". He clings to me all day, and now it is a competition between the two of them (Katie & Conner), both want mommy. I hope in time that will ease too.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf is always a good source to read if you need a pick me up. The last few paragraphs of his conference address in October brought me to tears, as it was so meaningful. I have read his talk twice since then, and it still "works". I always feel better afterward. Here is my favorite part:
"...Please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him. Have hope and faith in that promise. Learn to love your Heavenly Father and become His disciple in word and in deed.
"Be assured that if you but hold on, believe in Him, and remain faithful in keeping the commandments, one day you will experience for yourselves the promises revealed to the Apostle Paul: 'Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.'
"Brothers and sisters, the most powerful Being in the universe is the Father of your spirit. He knows you. He loves you with a perfect love.
"God sees you not only as a mortal being on a small planet who lives for a brief season - He sees you as His child. He sees you as the being you are capable and designed to become. He wants you to know that you matter to Him.
"May we ever believe, trust, and align our lives so that we will understand our true eternal worth and potential." ("You Matter to Him", President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Ensign, November 2011)
Today I am glad to be reminded of my true eternal worth and potential.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Day 54
Katie has been waking up, on the average, three times a night. Last night, it was at least six times. Scott and I take turns with her. Last night I asked her if she was hurting and she said "yes". This morning I asked her if she was hurting, and she said "no". I said, "Then why did you cry so much last night?" In a very matter of fact voice, she said, "because I wanted you!" I laughed...and said, "Well, that's great for you Katie, but mommy needs some sleep!" So, I am not sure if her waking up in the night has just become a habit and she is looking for some love and comfort, or if she is hurting and looking for some love and comfort. Probably a little of both, because when I checked on her early this morning she was clammy and it did seem like she was hurting.
It is fun to watch her try and walk. It is a funny little walk - Scott says it is "sweet" and it is. She doesn't have the strength to go up steps, to stand up, or reach down to pick something up, but each day she is improving. It is hard to know that we will be going backwards again soon...but we will enjoy how it is for now!
Having looked back yesterday, I continue to feel so grateful for all the help we received during the first month and a half of Katie's treatment. That was such a difficult time, and we were blessed with so much help from friends and family. I am especially grateful to my family who came and helped us, and for Scott's mom who came every day (that my family wasn't here and Scott was working). I found this scripture and when I read it, I thought they exemplified it - And for me, it is a good reminder. 1 John 4:7-11
"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
"He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
"In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.
"Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
"Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another."
Again today, I am glad for all those who have loved us and served us. Thank you for your continued prayers on our behalf! YOU have made a difference.
It is fun to watch her try and walk. It is a funny little walk - Scott says it is "sweet" and it is. She doesn't have the strength to go up steps, to stand up, or reach down to pick something up, but each day she is improving. It is hard to know that we will be going backwards again soon...but we will enjoy how it is for now!
Having looked back yesterday, I continue to feel so grateful for all the help we received during the first month and a half of Katie's treatment. That was such a difficult time, and we were blessed with so much help from friends and family. I am especially grateful to my family who came and helped us, and for Scott's mom who came every day (that my family wasn't here and Scott was working). I found this scripture and when I read it, I thought they exemplified it - And for me, it is a good reminder. 1 John 4:7-11
"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.
"He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
"In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.
"Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
"Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another."
Again today, I am glad for all those who have loved us and served us. Thank you for your continued prayers on our behalf! YOU have made a difference.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Day 53
HAPPY NEW YEAR! Katie is doing great! She is walking - and loving it! She had her last spinal tap for awhile (last Thursday). Actually, she gets the next two weeks "off". Katie continues with her daily chemo pill, but she won't have another treatment until January 12th. Katie will need this time to get her strength up for the next phase, which is called "Interm Maintenance". During this phase Katie will get all of her levels tested and if her numbers are up, they will specially formulate two different types of chemo to put into her port. This will be done about every ten days, for eight weeks. Each time Katie goes in, they will check her levels, if they are down, she will get blood or platelets or whatever she needs and then when her levels are within normal range they will give her the treatment. Each treatment they will "up" the dose of the chemo until her body "can't tolerate it anymore". --Meaning, mouth and throat sores and/or her levels drop so low that the doctor decides her body can't take anymore. We aren't sure what to expect - but it doesn't sound good.
I know this is "Katie's Blog", but as the writer, I can only write from my perspective. I write things as they are, how they are happening, and how they are changing Katie, me, our family. I am Katie's mother and her illness has changed me. So, on a personal note (that I will tie back into Katie's illness), I am happy to say good-bye to 2011! As someone said in church today, "2011 was not my favorite year". Ditto. Looking back, at the year my mom had a stroke and my dad died, that was a hard year, but this year rivaled that in a way. The "trials" during the year my dad died and my mom had a stroke, could be considered "God's will". Whereas, most of the things our family went through this year were brought on by "others will". People using their free agency/choice in such a way, that it drastically impacted our life. God will not interfere with a person's free agency. He allows us to be tried and tested to see what they, and we, will do. (There is a point to all of this). My point is, having gone through both types of adversity (intensely) this year - "God's will" with Katie, and "others will", I have learned a thing or two. I won't share all that I have learned, just one.
I felt very isolated and alone while living through the ongoing impact of "others will". I was isolated and to some degree alone. By November, I was barely treading water - effectively drowning. So, you would naturally think that Katie getting cancer would have "sunk" me. However, in a way I cannot explain I have been greatly strengthened. -- Well, I couldn't explain it, until I recently read a quote by President Thomas S. Monson, where he asked us to go "to the rescue" and serve others. He said, "We will discover that those whom we serve, who have felt through our labors the touch of the Master's hand, somehow cannot explain the change which comes into their lives. There is a desire to serve faithfully, to walk humbly, and to live more like the Savior. Having received their spiritual eyesight and glimpsed the promises of eternity, they echo the words of the blind man to whom Jesus restored sight, who said, 'One thing I know, that, whereas I was blind, now I see.'" ("To the Rescue", Ensign, May 2001)
Anyone who talked to me in October, verses, talking to me today, would verify this change in me. I have been strengthened! My perspective has grown. I have an increased desire to serve faithfully, to walk humbly, and to live more like the Savior. I have felt the touch of the Master's hand through the labors of others. I was rescued. It took Katie's cancer to make it happen, but I was rescued. Whereas I was blind, now I see. My focus has shifted. I am grateful for those who took action and served. I know the beginning of a new year is just a change of numbers, and in and of itself, doesn't change anything. However, it gives me a chance to have closure on the afflictions and tribulations of the past 12 (and more) months. I am glad to have it done with. I believe in a patient and loving Heavenly Father. I am grateful for His help, love, mercy and compassion. I am just sorry for Katie's pain. We have made it through the year. I am done looking back. We are looking forward to a new year! We believe there are good things to come. (I asked Scott if there was anything he wanted to add or change, and he said, "Ditto for me").
I know this is "Katie's Blog", but as the writer, I can only write from my perspective. I write things as they are, how they are happening, and how they are changing Katie, me, our family. I am Katie's mother and her illness has changed me. So, on a personal note (that I will tie back into Katie's illness), I am happy to say good-bye to 2011! As someone said in church today, "2011 was not my favorite year". Ditto. Looking back, at the year my mom had a stroke and my dad died, that was a hard year, but this year rivaled that in a way. The "trials" during the year my dad died and my mom had a stroke, could be considered "God's will". Whereas, most of the things our family went through this year were brought on by "others will". People using their free agency/choice in such a way, that it drastically impacted our life. God will not interfere with a person's free agency. He allows us to be tried and tested to see what they, and we, will do. (There is a point to all of this). My point is, having gone through both types of adversity (intensely) this year - "God's will" with Katie, and "others will", I have learned a thing or two. I won't share all that I have learned, just one.
I felt very isolated and alone while living through the ongoing impact of "others will". I was isolated and to some degree alone. By November, I was barely treading water - effectively drowning. So, you would naturally think that Katie getting cancer would have "sunk" me. However, in a way I cannot explain I have been greatly strengthened. -- Well, I couldn't explain it, until I recently read a quote by President Thomas S. Monson, where he asked us to go "to the rescue" and serve others. He said, "We will discover that those whom we serve, who have felt through our labors the touch of the Master's hand, somehow cannot explain the change which comes into their lives. There is a desire to serve faithfully, to walk humbly, and to live more like the Savior. Having received their spiritual eyesight and glimpsed the promises of eternity, they echo the words of the blind man to whom Jesus restored sight, who said, 'One thing I know, that, whereas I was blind, now I see.'" ("To the Rescue", Ensign, May 2001)
Anyone who talked to me in October, verses, talking to me today, would verify this change in me. I have been strengthened! My perspective has grown. I have an increased desire to serve faithfully, to walk humbly, and to live more like the Savior. I have felt the touch of the Master's hand through the labors of others. I was rescued. It took Katie's cancer to make it happen, but I was rescued. Whereas I was blind, now I see. My focus has shifted. I am grateful for those who took action and served. I know the beginning of a new year is just a change of numbers, and in and of itself, doesn't change anything. However, it gives me a chance to have closure on the afflictions and tribulations of the past 12 (and more) months. I am glad to have it done with. I believe in a patient and loving Heavenly Father. I am grateful for His help, love, mercy and compassion. I am just sorry for Katie's pain. We have made it through the year. I am done looking back. We are looking forward to a new year! We believe there are good things to come. (I asked Scott if there was anything he wanted to add or change, and he said, "Ditto for me").
Day 51 & 52
Helping my sister out by letting everyone know that Anndrea's computer has a virus. As she said, "Why wouldn't the computer get sick, everyone else in the house has been." She said to let you all know she will post updates when it (the computer) decides to cooperate.
Keep praying,
Nannette
Keep praying,
Nannette
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