Conner went to a Primary pizza party yesterday afternoon. We took Katie with us to pick him up. Katie ran around with all the other kids. I noticed, she was just a tad slower, but she ran just as far and just as long. She so desperately wants to keep up and to do what all the other kids are doing! She was wiped out by bedtime last night - but it was fun to see her playing with all the other children! Conner got through another day with his "thumb cast" on (well a new one - it gets stinky and dirty fast - he is on his 3rd cast!) We are hoping this will work for him.
I got a call yesterday from Phoenix Children's Hospital, reminding me about Katie's next appointment on March 7th, at 8:00 a.m. Katie is to go to the appointment fasting, and they will start with blood work and then do a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) at 9:30 a.m., and then she will get a couple more doses of chemo and steroids (all that day). When I hung up the phone I started crying. I don't know why really....It just hit me - a sudden sadness - I wish Katie didn't have to go through any more. She is stronger than I am. But we will get through this. We know there are also good things to come.
Elder Jeffery R. Holland has stated, "Joy in the gospel is...our privilege now, this very day. We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. There will always be more blessings than burdens - even if some days it doesn't seem so" (Ensign, Octobe 2006, 15).
"Some things don't change; they are true always and forever. One of those vital sureties of life is that the Lord will stand by us, uphold and sustain us, if we turn to Him, trust Him, and rely upon the enabling power of His grace. He will surely bless us. The Savior said, "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly" (John 10:10). We are here to have "life more abundantly" here and now, not just hereafter in the heavenly realm. An abundant life is one that sees the blessings of the Lord and the gospel all around; a life that recognizes that blessings far outnumber burdens even at those times when it doesn't seem so; a life that has enough faith and confidence in the Lord and in His heart to know that the Lord will not abandon or forsake us. '[WE] are that [we] might have joy' (2 Nephi 2:25), right here, right now, this day and always." (Lloyd D. Newell, He Shall Fulfill All of His Promises, 205).
Today I am glad for family, friends and simple abundance. P.S. Thanks for yesterdays comments and for lending your strength and support to me! (CeCe and Kelly, thanks for sharing your humor! You both made me laugh).
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Day 111
Katie's head is now covered with bumps, bruises and scabs, because she has been falling down so much lately. She is still good humored and playful - just a bit "weak in the knees". She will comment every once in awhile that her legs hurt, or her tummy hurts, but she seems to take it all in stride. She has this next week "off" of treatments, so she can gather up some strength for this next phase. We have repeatedly been told by our doctor that it will be a very hard 8 weeks. Judging from the treatment plan I was given last week, I believe it will be hard. It will be the most intensive treatment phase she has gone through yet (with the exception perhaps being the first few weeks of treatment). But for now, we will concentrate on getting her strong, and enjoy the good days while we have them.
Conner has done well with his "cast" on. He only complained at nap time and bedtime. He said it was hard to sleep (because he is so used to sucking his thumb to soothe him to sleep). We made it through our first full day though! I hope this will work for him.
It was suggested to me by a friend a while back to interject some humor into my life and blog. I know my posts lack humor, but honestly, there just hasn't been much to find humorous in our life (for quite a long time). I used to be funny (or at least I thought so), but have I lost my sense of humor somewhere a long the way. It is hard to be light hearted when there are soul crushing events happening in your life - over and over. Hopefully, we are done getting "crushed" and can find our way back to a more peaceful happy state of being. It will not happen over night though. It took years to squelch my humor, and it will take time to find my way back. I am a work in progress! But for now, I am what I am, and the blog is what it is.
My objective in writing this blog was not for any ones entertainment anyway. This blog is about Katie, her story and her progress. I don't have the energy or desire to make it more than it is. I give you what I've got. I appreciate those of you who have stayed with us, in reading Katie's blog, despite my lack of wittiness! The quotes, thoughts and scriptures I post are for me. They are where I am, what I am reading, needing, doing. It helps me to write (type) it out. Hopefully at times it helps some of you too. I am glad for all of you who have "stayed" with us. We appreciate your continuing support and concern for our Katie. There are still some rough days ahead!
Seeking, asking....receiving. Grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who knows how to give good gifts to His children!
Conner has done well with his "cast" on. He only complained at nap time and bedtime. He said it was hard to sleep (because he is so used to sucking his thumb to soothe him to sleep). We made it through our first full day though! I hope this will work for him.
It was suggested to me by a friend a while back to interject some humor into my life and blog. I know my posts lack humor, but honestly, there just hasn't been much to find humorous in our life (for quite a long time). I used to be funny (or at least I thought so), but have I lost my sense of humor somewhere a long the way. It is hard to be light hearted when there are soul crushing events happening in your life - over and over. Hopefully, we are done getting "crushed" and can find our way back to a more peaceful happy state of being. It will not happen over night though. It took years to squelch my humor, and it will take time to find my way back. I am a work in progress! But for now, I am what I am, and the blog is what it is.
My objective in writing this blog was not for any ones entertainment anyway. This blog is about Katie, her story and her progress. I don't have the energy or desire to make it more than it is. I give you what I've got. I appreciate those of you who have stayed with us, in reading Katie's blog, despite my lack of wittiness! The quotes, thoughts and scriptures I post are for me. They are where I am, what I am reading, needing, doing. It helps me to write (type) it out. Hopefully at times it helps some of you too. I am glad for all of you who have "stayed" with us. We appreciate your continuing support and concern for our Katie. There are still some rough days ahead!
Luke11: 9 "And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
10 "For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
11 "If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent?
13 "If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?"
D & C 88:63 "Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."
Seeking, asking....receiving. Grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who knows how to give good gifts to His children!
Monday, February 27, 2012
Day 110
Katie is sweet and caring. She is always "taking care" of someone if they are sad or upset. She says things like, "It's okay, I am here, it's okay, I'll take care of you, it's okay." She will say this, while holding on or comforting the person with her hands. Last night, her brother was the recipient of such care and concern.
Conner has not been able to stop sucking his thumb, despite all our efforts and incentives. Even the yucky tasting polish only deterred him for one hour (whereas I had another parent tell me, their daughter stopped sucking her thumb for two weeks, with just one application of the polish!) So, in a desperate effort to help him, we made a makeshift cast on his left hand (as that is the thumb of choice). The cast is made out of gauze and duct tape - wrapped loosely around his thumb and hand. Conner thought if was funny last night...we'll see how it goes today! The funny part was Katie - Conner was laughing about it as we put it on, but Katie was concerned about it, and lent Conner her comfort and support. She is a sweet little thing!
Katie is still running around and playing, but she is a bit weaker than before. She fell down a couple of stairs yesterday (tile stairs), and she needs help getting up on the couch and bed. She lays at the bottom of the stairs and says, "Help me" when she wants up. Still...she is doing remarkably well. Please keep her in your prayers. She has a rough couple of months ahead!
Sister Ardeth G. Kapp has said, "Knowing and remembering who we are and whose we are, we become guided by a force affecting our attitude and our conduct" (Ensign, May 1992, 79). Today I am glad for "whose" I am. I am grateful that I am a daughter of God, who loves me and I love Him. I am so grateful for the gift of my children, who are also His children. What a responsibility - but what a gift!
Conner has not been able to stop sucking his thumb, despite all our efforts and incentives. Even the yucky tasting polish only deterred him for one hour (whereas I had another parent tell me, their daughter stopped sucking her thumb for two weeks, with just one application of the polish!) So, in a desperate effort to help him, we made a makeshift cast on his left hand (as that is the thumb of choice). The cast is made out of gauze and duct tape - wrapped loosely around his thumb and hand. Conner thought if was funny last night...we'll see how it goes today! The funny part was Katie - Conner was laughing about it as we put it on, but Katie was concerned about it, and lent Conner her comfort and support. She is a sweet little thing!
Katie is still running around and playing, but she is a bit weaker than before. She fell down a couple of stairs yesterday (tile stairs), and she needs help getting up on the couch and bed. She lays at the bottom of the stairs and says, "Help me" when she wants up. Still...she is doing remarkably well. Please keep her in your prayers. She has a rough couple of months ahead!
Sister Ardeth G. Kapp has said, "Knowing and remembering who we are and whose we are, we become guided by a force affecting our attitude and our conduct" (Ensign, May 1992, 79). Today I am glad for "whose" I am. I am grateful that I am a daughter of God, who loves me and I love Him. I am so grateful for the gift of my children, who are also His children. What a responsibility - but what a gift!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Day 109
To the casual observer, Katie would seem as strong as ever...but to her dad and I, we have noticed some changes in her overall strength and stamina. Although, she is still doing remarkably well and going strong (considering all she has gone through). She is having some tummy trouble, but we are medicating for that.
Scott and Nathan spent the better part of the day yesterday, digging holes and cementing in a play structure in our backyard. So, today we are glad and excited that Katie and Conner will soon have a slide and swings to play on. We are grateful for the Christmas "gift" that helped make this possible. Hopefully, they will enjoy playing on this play structure, for years to come.
Elder Robert D. Hales has said, "To receive the Lord's comfort, we must exercise faith. The questions Why me? Why our family? Why now? are usually unanswerable questions. These questions detract from our spirituality and can destroy our faith....I have come to understand how useless it is to dwell on the whys, what ifs, and if onlys for which there likely will be given no answers in mortality....We need to spend our time and energy building our faith by turning to the Lord and asking for strength to overcome the pains and trials of this world and to endure to the end for greater understanding." (Ensign, Nov. 1988, 14-15).
Scott and Nathan spent the better part of the day yesterday, digging holes and cementing in a play structure in our backyard. So, today we are glad and excited that Katie and Conner will soon have a slide and swings to play on. We are grateful for the Christmas "gift" that helped make this possible. Hopefully, they will enjoy playing on this play structure, for years to come.
Elder Robert D. Hales has said, "To receive the Lord's comfort, we must exercise faith. The questions Why me? Why our family? Why now? are usually unanswerable questions. These questions detract from our spirituality and can destroy our faith....I have come to understand how useless it is to dwell on the whys, what ifs, and if onlys for which there likely will be given no answers in mortality....We need to spend our time and energy building our faith by turning to the Lord and asking for strength to overcome the pains and trials of this world and to endure to the end for greater understanding." (Ensign, Nov. 1988, 14-15).
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Day 108
Katie is a remarkable girl. We are seeing some minor side effects, but nothing that isn't managable. Overall, she is doing super! She is happy and playful. She is strong and determined. Thank you for your prayers, they have helped her! We are glad she is doing so well.
Richard Carlson, PH.D., in speaking about making peace with imperfection has stated: "I've yet to meet an absolute perfectionist whose life was filled with inner peace. The need for perfection and the desire for inner tranquility conflict with each other. Whenever we are attached to having something a certain way, better than it already is, we are, almost by definiton, engaged in a losing battle. Rather than being content and grateful for what we have, we are focused on what's wrong with something and our need to fix it. When we are zeroed in on what's wrong, it implies that we are dissatisfied, discontent.
"Whether it's related to ourselves - a disorganized closet, a scratch on the car, an imperfect accomplishment, a few pounds we would like to lose - or someone else's 'imperfections' - the way someone looks, behaves, or lives their life - the very act of focusing on imperfection pulls us away from our goal of being kind and gentle. This stategy has nothing to do with ceasing to do your very best but with being overly attached an dfoucused on what's wrong with life. It's about realizing that while there's allways a better way to do something, this doesn't mean that you can't enjoy and appreciate the way things already are.
"The solution here is to catch yourself when you fall nto your habit of insisting that things should be other than they are. Gently remind yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now. In the absence of your judgment, everything would be fine. As you begin to eliminate your need for perfection in all areas of your life, you'll begin to discover the perfection in life itself."(Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and It's All Small Stuff, 7).
Richard Carlson, PH.D., in speaking about making peace with imperfection has stated: "I've yet to meet an absolute perfectionist whose life was filled with inner peace. The need for perfection and the desire for inner tranquility conflict with each other. Whenever we are attached to having something a certain way, better than it already is, we are, almost by definiton, engaged in a losing battle. Rather than being content and grateful for what we have, we are focused on what's wrong with something and our need to fix it. When we are zeroed in on what's wrong, it implies that we are dissatisfied, discontent.
"Whether it's related to ourselves - a disorganized closet, a scratch on the car, an imperfect accomplishment, a few pounds we would like to lose - or someone else's 'imperfections' - the way someone looks, behaves, or lives their life - the very act of focusing on imperfection pulls us away from our goal of being kind and gentle. This stategy has nothing to do with ceasing to do your very best but with being overly attached an dfoucused on what's wrong with life. It's about realizing that while there's allways a better way to do something, this doesn't mean that you can't enjoy and appreciate the way things already are.
"The solution here is to catch yourself when you fall nto your habit of insisting that things should be other than they are. Gently remind yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now. In the absence of your judgment, everything would be fine. As you begin to eliminate your need for perfection in all areas of your life, you'll begin to discover the perfection in life itself."(Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and It's All Small Stuff, 7).
Friday, February 24, 2012
Day 107
After Katie's blood tests yesterday, the doctor came back in and said, "Are we even giving her chemo!? Her numbers are perfect. I can't believe she is doing so well!" Today we are glad for the power of prayer! There is no other explanation for how well Katie has done.
Katie and I spent 5 hours at the clinic. She complained of her tummy hurting during treatment and later at home - but that didn't stop her, she still wanted to play! Last night she woke up several times during the night with tummy aches and bad dreams. Conner also had bad dreams last night - I am not sure if he ever actually woke up, but I woke up! I also had bad dreams last night. Scott had to wake me up at one point, because I was crying out. So...not the best nights sleep for any of us. Although, Katie seems to be feeling okay this morning - my guess is she won't eat breakfast - but at least she isn't crying.
"The simple secret is this: put your trust in the Lord, do your best, then leave the rest to Him." (Joseph B. Wirthilin, Ensign, November 2008, 28).
Katie and I spent 5 hours at the clinic. She complained of her tummy hurting during treatment and later at home - but that didn't stop her, she still wanted to play! Last night she woke up several times during the night with tummy aches and bad dreams. Conner also had bad dreams last night - I am not sure if he ever actually woke up, but I woke up! I also had bad dreams last night. Scott had to wake me up at one point, because I was crying out. So...not the best nights sleep for any of us. Although, Katie seems to be feeling okay this morning - my guess is she won't eat breakfast - but at least she isn't crying.
"The simple secret is this: put your trust in the Lord, do your best, then leave the rest to Him." (Joseph B. Wirthilin, Ensign, November 2008, 28).
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Day 106
Well, Katie and I are headed to the clinic this morning for another long day of tests and chemo. I always seem get a little on edge before we go. Conner heard me on the phone with his grandma Epps, planning what time she would come and help today. As a result, he asked me twice yesterday evening, "Grandma's just coming to help tomorrow, right? You're not going anywhere in the morning, right? You're not going to the hospital or anything, right mom?" He asked this (both times) in front of Katie and I had to tell him I would talk with him about it later - the second time I took him in the other room and explained what the plans were for today. I have learned not to say anything in front of Katie (the day before) because she gets upset and has bad dreams. I will tell her this morning just before we leave - because I have to put a "so called" numbing cream on her port before we leave the house, and she knows what that means. So, today is not our favorite day, but we will get through it. I have packed a lunch and downloaded the movie "Dumbo" for her to watch. Thanks again, to all the friends who donated the iPad for Katie. What a great gift and blessing that has been! Katie can listen to music, play games and watch videos during her long hours of treatment. We are glad for the iPad, it has been such a help! Also, thanks to everyone for your prayers. We know it is because of all of the prayers offered in our behalf, that Katie has done so well. So, please keep praying!
Yesterday, I posted a quote from President Harold B. Lee about building our "house upon the rock." As a take off from that, here is a quote by him, regarding building our "houses upon the sand." --- "The enemies of your own human 'fortress' are both physical and spiritual...they may include an unexpected sorrow, a family disgrace, a shock in your finances, the disloyalty of a supposed friend, or a secret sin against the laws of God. When such things happen in our lives we require and additional supply from spiritual sources....If you have lost contact with the Church by carelessness and your faith in God has dwindled, if you have not understood by study and learning the way to a forgiveness of your transgression, or if you have not obtained through prayerful understanding the assurances of a future reward for sacrifices and pain, then you have cut your spiritual supply lines and the strength that you soul needs is sapped....Your fortress is doomed to certain capture by Satan's forces. You are then as the foolish man who built his house upon the sands, and when the storms came great will be the fall thereof (see Matthew 7:24-27).
"And so I beg of you...to live each day so that you might receive from the fountain of light the nourishment and strength sufficient to every day's need. Take time to be holy each day of your lives." (Teachings of Presidents of the Church, 175).
Yesterday, I posted a quote from President Harold B. Lee about building our "house upon the rock." As a take off from that, here is a quote by him, regarding building our "houses upon the sand." --- "The enemies of your own human 'fortress' are both physical and spiritual...they may include an unexpected sorrow, a family disgrace, a shock in your finances, the disloyalty of a supposed friend, or a secret sin against the laws of God. When such things happen in our lives we require and additional supply from spiritual sources....If you have lost contact with the Church by carelessness and your faith in God has dwindled, if you have not understood by study and learning the way to a forgiveness of your transgression, or if you have not obtained through prayerful understanding the assurances of a future reward for sacrifices and pain, then you have cut your spiritual supply lines and the strength that you soul needs is sapped....Your fortress is doomed to certain capture by Satan's forces. You are then as the foolish man who built his house upon the sands, and when the storms came great will be the fall thereof (see Matthew 7:24-27).
"And so I beg of you...to live each day so that you might receive from the fountain of light the nourishment and strength sufficient to every day's need. Take time to be holy each day of your lives." (Teachings of Presidents of the Church, 175).
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Day 105
Katie goes in tomorrow morning for her final treatment in this phase. Hopefully she will tolerate it as well as she has been - which has been remarkable! I am glad she has done so well!!! If all goes well this time, then she will get two weeks "off" prior to starting her next phase of treatment.
Yesterday, I met a woman who said her daughter had had ALL, just like Katie. I asked her how old her daughter was when she got it. Her daughter was 15 when she was diagnosed. Naturally, my next question was, "So how is your daughter now?" The woman paused, and then she told me her daughter had died. Her daughter sucessfully went through treatments at age 15 (the cancer went into remission), but then at age 20, her cancer came back and she didn't survive. Granted, the survival rate for ALL is better if diagnosed at a younger age, so I am not really trying to draw a comparison there. However, her story did hurt my heart... I told her I was sorry, and that I have wondered how long I will need to worry about Katie's cancer coming back. One year, five years, ten? Her response was, "I think as a mom, you will always worry about it coming back."
I talked with Scott about it last night. Living in permanent worry about Katie relapsing, would be a hard way to live. It is a fear. It is a possibility. It is a part of our reality. However, Scott said we just need to accept it, knowing that it could happen and knowing that someday we could loose Katie. He said we need to "walk the talk." Live our life according to our beliefs, accept the Lords will in all things and trust in him. And then he went into how it is one thing to believe in something and it is quite another to be tried in it. I laughed and told him I had wrote that in my blog last week - I said, haven't you been reading my blog? =) Poor man is feeling overwhelmed and behind in everything right now. Anyway, at least Scott and I are on the same wave length! We will walk through this life together, hand in hand, sharing in the joys and in the sorrows that life brings.
President Harold B. Lee said, "Every soul that walks the earth, you and I, all of us - whether rich or poor, whether good or bad, young or old - every one of us is going to be tested and tried by storms of adversity, winds that we must defend ourselves against. And the only ones who won't fail will be those whose houses have been built upon the rock. And what's the rock? It's the rock of obedience to the principles and teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ as the Master taught.
"I make no apologies...in asking you this morning, to believe with me in the fundamental concepts of true religion - of faith in God and in His Son Jesus Christ as the Savior of the world and that in His name miracles have been and are being wrought today and that only by a full acceptance of these truths can you and I be anchored to unfailing moorings when the storms of life rage about us.
"I invite you therefore, to humble yourselves...and with prayerful hearts dare to believe all that the holy prophets have taught us of the gospel from the Holy Scriptures from the beginning.
"So the all important thing in life isn't what happens to you, but the important thing is how you take it. That's the important thing. In the closing of the Sermon on the Mount, you remember, the Master gave a parable. He said:
"Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:
"And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock...." (Matthew 7:24-25).
"What was he trying to impress? He was trying to say that the winds of adversity, the floods of disaster, the difficulties, are going to beat upon every human house upon this earth; and the only ones who will not fall - when the bank fails, when you lose a loved one, in any other disaster - the only thing that will hold us through all these storms and stresses of life is when we've built upon the rocks by keeping the commandments of God." (Teachings of Presidents of the Church, 211).
Yesterday, I met a woman who said her daughter had had ALL, just like Katie. I asked her how old her daughter was when she got it. Her daughter was 15 when she was diagnosed. Naturally, my next question was, "So how is your daughter now?" The woman paused, and then she told me her daughter had died. Her daughter sucessfully went through treatments at age 15 (the cancer went into remission), but then at age 20, her cancer came back and she didn't survive. Granted, the survival rate for ALL is better if diagnosed at a younger age, so I am not really trying to draw a comparison there. However, her story did hurt my heart... I told her I was sorry, and that I have wondered how long I will need to worry about Katie's cancer coming back. One year, five years, ten? Her response was, "I think as a mom, you will always worry about it coming back."
I talked with Scott about it last night. Living in permanent worry about Katie relapsing, would be a hard way to live. It is a fear. It is a possibility. It is a part of our reality. However, Scott said we just need to accept it, knowing that it could happen and knowing that someday we could loose Katie. He said we need to "walk the talk." Live our life according to our beliefs, accept the Lords will in all things and trust in him. And then he went into how it is one thing to believe in something and it is quite another to be tried in it. I laughed and told him I had wrote that in my blog last week - I said, haven't you been reading my blog? =) Poor man is feeling overwhelmed and behind in everything right now. Anyway, at least Scott and I are on the same wave length! We will walk through this life together, hand in hand, sharing in the joys and in the sorrows that life brings.
President Harold B. Lee said, "Every soul that walks the earth, you and I, all of us - whether rich or poor, whether good or bad, young or old - every one of us is going to be tested and tried by storms of adversity, winds that we must defend ourselves against. And the only ones who won't fail will be those whose houses have been built upon the rock. And what's the rock? It's the rock of obedience to the principles and teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ as the Master taught.
"I make no apologies...in asking you this morning, to believe with me in the fundamental concepts of true religion - of faith in God and in His Son Jesus Christ as the Savior of the world and that in His name miracles have been and are being wrought today and that only by a full acceptance of these truths can you and I be anchored to unfailing moorings when the storms of life rage about us.
"I invite you therefore, to humble yourselves...and with prayerful hearts dare to believe all that the holy prophets have taught us of the gospel from the Holy Scriptures from the beginning.
"So the all important thing in life isn't what happens to you, but the important thing is how you take it. That's the important thing. In the closing of the Sermon on the Mount, you remember, the Master gave a parable. He said:
"Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:
"And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock...." (Matthew 7:24-25).
"What was he trying to impress? He was trying to say that the winds of adversity, the floods of disaster, the difficulties, are going to beat upon every human house upon this earth; and the only ones who will not fall - when the bank fails, when you lose a loved one, in any other disaster - the only thing that will hold us through all these storms and stresses of life is when we've built upon the rocks by keeping the commandments of God." (Teachings of Presidents of the Church, 211).
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Day 104
Okay, so you know how I said Katie loves going to nursery, because she missed it so much, when she was too sick to go? Well, it is the same way with walking! I think she missed walking so much, that she loves it now! Whenever we go somewhere - anywhere - Katie wants to walk, not ride in a cart, not ride in a stroller, not be carried. She wants to walk! That girl will go, go, go, until she just can't go anymore. We are constantly amazed at her strength and strong will!
...The older I get, and the more I understand
“Let me stay.” No, he will probably be saying,
Have you ever had a day(s) when you feel like you have fallen short? Well, that is how I felt yesterday. By the end of the day (well, even by the middle of the day) I felt like I had fallen short - in everything. I wasn't how I wanted to be, things didn't go how I wanted them to go, nothing was how I thought it should be. Frustrating and disheartening....But then last night, for Family Home Evening, (in a "what can I teach for FHE" hurry and grab something moment) I grabbed my BYU Magazine. A couple of weeks ago I had started reading an article by Brad Wilcox, titled, "His Grace is Sufficient." I had gotten sidetracked and had never gotten back to finishing the article - but knew I wanted too - so FHE last night was my chance to "finish" it and to share it with my family. I think it is one of the best talks on Grace I have ever read! Here is a (long) exerpt. (Sorry for the length and how it is narrow, I copied and pasted - I hope that is legal - someone tell me if it isn't !) Anyway....here it is:
"Elder Bruce C. Hafen has written, “The great
Mediator asks for our repentance not because
we must ‘repay’ him in exchange for his paying
our debt to justice, but because repentance
initiates a developmental process that, with
the Savior’s help, leads us along the path to a
saintly character” (The Broken Heart [Salt Lake
City: Deseret Book, 1989], 149;
Elder Dallin H. Oaks has said, referring to
Elder Dallin H. Oaks has said, referring to
President Spencer W. Kimball’s explanation,
“The repenting sinner must suffer for his sins,
but this suffering has a different purpose than
punishment or payment. Its purpose is
change" (The Lord's Way, Salt Lake City
1991], 223;).
...I have born-again Christian friends who say
...I have born-again Christian friends who say
to me, “You Mormons are trying to earn your
way to heaven.”
I say, “No, we are not earning heaven. We
are learning heaven. We are preparing for it
(see D &C 78:7). We are practicing for it.”
They ask me, “Have you been saved by
grace?”
I answer, “Yes. Absolutely, totally, completely,
thankfully—yes!”
Then I ask them a question that perhaps
they have not fully considered: “Have you
been changed by grace?" They are so excited
about being saved that maybe they are not
thinking enough about what comes next. They
are so happy the debt is paid that they may
not have considered why the debt existed in
the first place. Latter-day Saints know not only
what Jesus has saved us from but also what He
has saved us for. As my friend Brett Sanders
puts it, “A life impacted by grace eventually
begins to look like Christ’s life.” As my friend
Omar Canals puts it, “While many Christians
view Christ’s suffering as only a huge favor He
did for us, Latter-day Saints also recognize it as
a huge investment He made in us.” As Moroni
puts it, grace isn’t just about being saved. It
is also about becoming like the Savior (see
Moroni 7:48).
The miracle of the Atonement is not just that
we can live after we die but that we can live
more abundantly (see John 10:10). The miracle
of the Atonement is not just that we can be
cleansed and consoled but that we can be
transformed (see Romans 8). Scriptures make it
clear that no unclean thing can dwell with God
(see Alma 40:26), but, brothers and sisters, no
unchanged thing will even want to....The older I get, and the more I understand
this wonderful plan of redemption, the
more I realize that in the final judgment it will
not be the unrepentant sinner begging Jesus,“Let me stay.” No, he will probably be saying,
“Get me out of here!” Knowing Christ’s
character, I believe that if anyone is going to be
begging on that occasion, it would probably be
Jesus begging the unrepentant sinner, “Please,
choose to stay. Please, use my Atonement—not
just to be cleansed but to be changed so that
you want to stay."
The miracle of the Atonement is not just that
we can go home but that—miraculously—we
can feel at home there. If Christ did not require
faith and repentance, then there would be no
desire to change. Think of your friends and
family members who have chosen to live without
faith and without repentance. They don’t
want to change. They are not trying to abandon
sin and become comfortable with God. Rather,
they are trying to abandon God and become
comfortable with sin. If Jesus did not require
covenants and bestow the gift of the Holy
Ghost, then there would be no way to change.
We would be left forever with only willpower,
with no access to His power. If Jesus did not
require endurance to the end, then there would
be no internalization of those changes over
time. They would forever be surface and cosmetic
rather than sinking inside us and becoming
part of us—part of who we are.
...Elder Bruce C. Hafen has written, “The
Savior’s gift of grace to us is not necessarily
Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear;
WOW, wasn't that GREAT!? If you want to read Brad Wilcox's entire speech, you can find it at speeches.byu.edu. I cried the whole way through the second half of this talk, as I was reading it out loud to my family last night. Towards the end, Katie came over to me and put her hand on my arm, touched my face with her hand, and kept saying, "It's okay mommy, it's okay." -- Yes Katie, it is okay! Today I am glad (and so very grateful) for the grace of God and the supreme gift of our Savior's atonement!
Savior’s gift of grace to us is not necessarily
limited in time to ‘after’ all we can do. We may
receive his grace before, during and after the
time when we expend our own efforts” (The
Broken Heart [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book
1989], 155). So grace is not a booster engine
that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted.
Rather, it is our constant energy source. It is
not the light at the end of the tunnel but the
light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace
is not achieved somewhere down the road. It
is received right here and right now. It is not a
finishing touch; it is the Finisher’s touch (see
Hebrews 12:2).
The first company of Saints entered the Salt
Lake Valley on July 24, 1847. Their journey
was difficult and challenging; still, they sang:
Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear;
But with joy wend your way.
Though hard to you this journey may appear,
Grace shall be as your day.
“Grace shall be as your day”—what an
interesting phrase. We have all sung it hundreds
of times, but have we stopped to consider
what it means? “Grace shall be as your
day”: grace shall be like a day. As dark as
night may become, we can always count on
the sun coming up. As dark as our trials, sins,
and mistakes may appear, we can always have
confidence in the grace of Jesus Christ. Do we
earn a sunrise? No. Do we have to be worthy
of a chance to begin again? No. We just have
to accept these blessings and take advantage
of them. As sure as each brand-new day,
grace—the enabling power of Jesus Christ—is
constant. Faithful pioneers knew they were not
alone. The task ahead of them was never as
great as the power behind them.
The grace of Christ is sufficient—sufficient
to cover our debt, sufficient to transform us,
and sufficient to help us as long as that transformation
process takes. The Book of Mormon
teaches us to rely solely on “the merits, and
mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah” (2 N ephi
2:8). As we do, we do not discover—as some
Christians believe—that Christ requires nothing
of us. Rather, we discover the reason He
requires so much and the strength to do all
He asks (see Philippians 4:13). Grace is not theabsence of God’s high expectations. Grace is the
presence of God’s power (see Luke 1:37).WOW, wasn't that GREAT!? If you want to read Brad Wilcox's entire speech, you can find it at speeches.byu.edu. I cried the whole way through the second half of this talk, as I was reading it out loud to my family last night. Towards the end, Katie came over to me and put her hand on my arm, touched my face with her hand, and kept saying, "It's okay mommy, it's okay." -- Yes Katie, it is okay! Today I am glad (and so very grateful) for the grace of God and the supreme gift of our Savior's atonement!
Monday, February 20, 2012
Day 103
We were able to go to church again yesterday, as a family. Katie gets so excited about going to nursery! I believe she is extra excited about going, because she missed going, when she was so sick. Scott and I are still taking turns going with her, to make sure she keeps her mask on. It has been fun for us to watch her interact with the other children.
I know I had previously mentioned that Scott was working "days' due to a shoulder surgery. However, I don't remember mentioning that when he was released from light duty, he asked to stay on "days" working in the downtown office. He was worried that as a Firefighter/Paramedic he could be exposed to something and then could possibly expose Katie. Plus, he knew it would be easier on me to have him home every night. The department is holding his spot open at his station (near our home) and has granted him permission to continue working at the downtown office, on day shift, until June. Which is good timing, because Katie will be finishing the "hard" part of her treatments about then. It has been great to have Scott home every night - and every Sunday! I know an office job is not what he enjoys doing and I am grateful for his selfless sacrifice for our family!
At Cardon's hospital, we were told they would keep Katie's port in for the full two years plus of treatment. However, Dr. Dana told us last week, that they will be removing her port at the beginning of this summer, when she finishes the last of the difficult treatments and Katie moves into what is called "Maintenance". Maintenance will last for about a year and a half, during which time, if all goes well, she will be getting chemo treatments "just" once a month. Getting the port out will be one less worry, as the port is a constant threat to her health, although it is needed at this time. Once the port is out, she will be able to have a little more freedom, like being able to go swimming and to the beach. So, the timing works out great, as it will be the beginning of summer. We are happy about that. We just need to get through the next few months. So, please keep praying for Katie! Your prayers have been heard and they have helped!!! Katie has done FAR better than anyone expected. We know that is due to all the prayers offered in her (and our) behalf. So please don't stop! We still need your prayers!!
Last night on LDS.org, I read an article and watched a video about a seminary teacher, who found out he had cancer, when he was a newly wed (they had only been married for 3 weeks). He had stage-four cancer, the doctors told him he would probably loose his leg, and he was given a 30% chance to live. His cancer has returned twice since his initial diagnosis. He has undergone 20 rounds of chemotherapy and 10 surgeries. I found their story touching and inspirational! Here are just a few of his words...
"I'm looking forward to seeing what the Lord has in store for me....What lessons He'll teach me. How He'll stretch me and school me. And most of all, what He will turn me into. Where I see myself going and who I see myself becoming are very different from where God sees me going and who He sees me becoming. Gut each step of the way, I can see that where He has taken me is a much better place than I ever thought of for myself." Today I am glad for this couples words, testimonies and story. I am sad for their pain, yet grateful for their inspiration! You can watch a short video about their experience on the cover page of LDS.org - It is titled, "What Trials Can Teach Us." Be sure and read the article below the video, it gave even more insight into this couples life and struggles.
I know I had previously mentioned that Scott was working "days' due to a shoulder surgery. However, I don't remember mentioning that when he was released from light duty, he asked to stay on "days" working in the downtown office. He was worried that as a Firefighter/Paramedic he could be exposed to something and then could possibly expose Katie. Plus, he knew it would be easier on me to have him home every night. The department is holding his spot open at his station (near our home) and has granted him permission to continue working at the downtown office, on day shift, until June. Which is good timing, because Katie will be finishing the "hard" part of her treatments about then. It has been great to have Scott home every night - and every Sunday! I know an office job is not what he enjoys doing and I am grateful for his selfless sacrifice for our family!
At Cardon's hospital, we were told they would keep Katie's port in for the full two years plus of treatment. However, Dr. Dana told us last week, that they will be removing her port at the beginning of this summer, when she finishes the last of the difficult treatments and Katie moves into what is called "Maintenance". Maintenance will last for about a year and a half, during which time, if all goes well, she will be getting chemo treatments "just" once a month. Getting the port out will be one less worry, as the port is a constant threat to her health, although it is needed at this time. Once the port is out, she will be able to have a little more freedom, like being able to go swimming and to the beach. So, the timing works out great, as it will be the beginning of summer. We are happy about that. We just need to get through the next few months. So, please keep praying for Katie! Your prayers have been heard and they have helped!!! Katie has done FAR better than anyone expected. We know that is due to all the prayers offered in her (and our) behalf. So please don't stop! We still need your prayers!!
Last night on LDS.org, I read an article and watched a video about a seminary teacher, who found out he had cancer, when he was a newly wed (they had only been married for 3 weeks). He had stage-four cancer, the doctors told him he would probably loose his leg, and he was given a 30% chance to live. His cancer has returned twice since his initial diagnosis. He has undergone 20 rounds of chemotherapy and 10 surgeries. I found their story touching and inspirational! Here are just a few of his words...
"I'm looking forward to seeing what the Lord has in store for me....What lessons He'll teach me. How He'll stretch me and school me. And most of all, what He will turn me into. Where I see myself going and who I see myself becoming are very different from where God sees me going and who He sees me becoming. Gut each step of the way, I can see that where He has taken me is a much better place than I ever thought of for myself." Today I am glad for this couples words, testimonies and story. I am sad for their pain, yet grateful for their inspiration! You can watch a short video about their experience on the cover page of LDS.org - It is titled, "What Trials Can Teach Us." Be sure and read the article below the video, it gave even more insight into this couples life and struggles.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Day 102
Scott got home from the snow camp yesterday, and as predicted he didn't get much (if any) sleep. Nathan said he slept great in his snow cave! I guess that's the difference between a 15 year old and a 45 year old - oh the difference 30 years can make! =)
Katie is doing good. She had a rough night last night (and consequently so did we). She seems fine and happy this morning. She seems to get tired more easily than before, but she is still going strong. She is our little energizer bunny!
As for Conner, the "yucky" polish didn't work, wrapping his hand in gauze didn't work, putting a band aide on his thumb didn't work. However, he seems to understand he needs to stop, so he told me he didn't need anything on his thumb, that he would stop on his own. I can tell he is sincerely trying - but sometimes he forgets, and out of pure habit the thumb goes in. I hope he (we) will be able to break this on his own. It is a process - we will see how it goes! By the way, since we are on the subject of Conner, it bares worth mentioning that Scott FINALLY found the missing part to the new vacuum!! (We have been using our old vacuum, just in case anyone was wondering). We were certain the part (the canister) had gone out in the trash, as we have made numerous searches throughout the house, with no luck. We had finally given it up for not, and were in the process of contacting the company for a replacement part. However, Scott turned over an antique chair (that has a skirt) in the corner of our bedroom and to our astonishment, there was the missing part! So we can finally use our new vacuum! Silly boy Conner...today Scott couldn't find the lid to the milk - so of course we asked Conner if he knew where it was - he said yes he did. He had put the lid inside one the cereal boxes!
President Harold B. Lee said, "The purpose of our being here is clearly spelled out in the Lord's revelation to Moses. he said, 'This is my work and my glory - to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.' (Moses 1:39) 'Eternal life of man' means a return back to the presence of God the Father and His son to live eternally with Them. Now, He didn't say it was His purpose that all His children should live here upon the earth in the lap of luxury, with wealth and ease and they should have no pain and no sorrow. He didn't say that. For sometimes, as Isaiah put it, from out of the briar bush my come forth a beautiful myrtle tree (see Isaiah 55:13)..... What may seem for the moment to be a tragedy may, as we see the whole picture from the beginning to the end, in the wisdom of our Father, be for one of the great blessings instead of a tragic ending as we have supposed (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church, 210).
I have a new depth of understanding about many of the things I have been taught my whole life. It is one thing to believe in something - and quite another to be tested in it. Today I am glad for all I have been taught and have learned.
Katie is doing good. She had a rough night last night (and consequently so did we). She seems fine and happy this morning. She seems to get tired more easily than before, but she is still going strong. She is our little energizer bunny!
As for Conner, the "yucky" polish didn't work, wrapping his hand in gauze didn't work, putting a band aide on his thumb didn't work. However, he seems to understand he needs to stop, so he told me he didn't need anything on his thumb, that he would stop on his own. I can tell he is sincerely trying - but sometimes he forgets, and out of pure habit the thumb goes in. I hope he (we) will be able to break this on his own. It is a process - we will see how it goes! By the way, since we are on the subject of Conner, it bares worth mentioning that Scott FINALLY found the missing part to the new vacuum!! (We have been using our old vacuum, just in case anyone was wondering). We were certain the part (the canister) had gone out in the trash, as we have made numerous searches throughout the house, with no luck. We had finally given it up for not, and were in the process of contacting the company for a replacement part. However, Scott turned over an antique chair (that has a skirt) in the corner of our bedroom and to our astonishment, there was the missing part! So we can finally use our new vacuum! Silly boy Conner...today Scott couldn't find the lid to the milk - so of course we asked Conner if he knew where it was - he said yes he did. He had put the lid inside one the cereal boxes!
President Harold B. Lee said, "The purpose of our being here is clearly spelled out in the Lord's revelation to Moses. he said, 'This is my work and my glory - to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.' (Moses 1:39) 'Eternal life of man' means a return back to the presence of God the Father and His son to live eternally with Them. Now, He didn't say it was His purpose that all His children should live here upon the earth in the lap of luxury, with wealth and ease and they should have no pain and no sorrow. He didn't say that. For sometimes, as Isaiah put it, from out of the briar bush my come forth a beautiful myrtle tree (see Isaiah 55:13)..... What may seem for the moment to be a tragedy may, as we see the whole picture from the beginning to the end, in the wisdom of our Father, be for one of the great blessings instead of a tragic ending as we have supposed (Teachings of the Presidents of the Church, 210).
I have a new depth of understanding about many of the things I have been taught my whole life. It is one thing to believe in something - and quite another to be tested in it. Today I am glad for all I have been taught and have learned.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Day 101
So, I totally got the wind sucked out of my sails. I had written the last post in the middle of the night because I couldn't sleep. When I woke up yesterday morning, I had a fever of 101-102 and the flu. I can't seem to get my mind, body and spirit in sync! My fever broke this morning, but I still feel lousy. Although, I would dare to say, I slept better than Scott and Nathan who are on a scout snow camp out - they had to dig a snow cave and sleep in it - I am sure they didn't sleep much!
Katie on the other hand is doing super! She only complained of her tummy hurting in the morning yesterday. She seems fine today. She was upset last night because I couldn't hold her (Scott's mom came to help). But if Katie gets even a slight fever we have to take her to the hospital. It 's been frustrating to not be able to do things for her and Conner. Although, Conner did an amazing job of helping take care of Katie last night. Once again, we are glad for Scott's mom and all she does to help us. I am also glad Scoot will be home today!
Katie on the other hand is doing super! She only complained of her tummy hurting in the morning yesterday. She seems fine today. She was upset last night because I couldn't hold her (Scott's mom came to help). But if Katie gets even a slight fever we have to take her to the hospital. It 's been frustrating to not be able to do things for her and Conner. Although, Conner did an amazing job of helping take care of Katie last night. Once again, we are glad for Scott's mom and all she does to help us. I am also glad Scoot will be home today!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Day 100
Katie is still complaining about her tummy hurting throughout the day, but overall, she is doing amazingly well. We acknowledge the great blessings that have come to her and us, and we are grateful.
Conner is and has been a thumb sucker his whole life - it is a source of great comfort to him. I understand this, as I was also a very adamant thumb sucker in my youth. My mom tried everything to get me to stop sucking my thumb - I have very clear memories about the efforts and methods used to try and end my thumb sucking - nothing short of having a "rake" placed in my mouth worked! So, against my better judgment, I followed the advise of our Pediatrician, and have "ignored" his thumb sucking, having been assured he would eventually stop on his own. Conner is now 4.5, and he is not going to stop on his own. His thumb sucking habit is affecting the shape of his mouth. So I am now attempting to help my son break himself of this comfort/habit. This is not an easy or pain free task. It is upsetting for him - and me. I am sure he will remember this, just as I remember my mom trying to help me. So, I am trying to approach this task with empathy and compassion, yet with firmness and determination. I have tried to assure him of my love for him, while at the same time, exerting my influence by offering rewards and consequences for his actions. Tonight I painted his thumbnail with the same nasty tasting polish my mom tried on me ( it didn't work for me, but hopefully it will be enough for Conner, along with the incentives). However, it was a painful undertaking tonight for both of us, as he cried for an hour before he went to sleep, begging me to "PLEASE take it off" (the polish). I told him I wouldn't, because I loved him, and I was doing what I needed to do, to help him do what he needed to do. Sometimes being a parent and doing what is best for your child is hard! It is especially hard when they don't understand everything, or they can't see the big picture, and they are begging you to stop doing what you are doing - even though you know what you are doing is right and is in their best interest and will help them in the long run.
I have no doubt this is how our Heavenly Father feels at times, as we beg Him to PLEASE "remove this cup from me". But our Heavenly Father being a loving parent and our God, and He knowing what is best for us, allows us to "suffer" so that we can grow and progress. He can see the "big picture" when we at times can't. We need to submit to the will of our Heavenly Father, just as a child submits to their earthly parents. Mosiah 3:19 says, "For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father."
Scott and I recently had a conversation about putting off the "natural man". I know we are to put off the natural man and become Christ like. I know if I can not do this, I can not fully be filled with the pure love of Christ. Since Katie's illness, I have felt such a strong urgency to put "first things first". During the past six years, I have lost such a large part of myself in the abyss of the constant turmoil and trauma that has invaded our home, coming from the outside in and from the inside out. So much good has been wasted, in having to deal with all the negativity, due to other people's agency. Scott has coped better with this than I have. I have learned from his example and I have gotten through it by the grace of God. However, a new day has dawned and I no longer simply want to "get through it". I have been empowered to take charge of my life, my home and my family.
President Harold B. Lee said, "Woman is the homemaker in her own home and an exemplar to her posterity in the generations that succeed her. Woman is a helpmeet to her husband and may render him more perfect than he otherwise would be. Woman's influence can bless a community or a nation to that extent to which she develops her spiritual powers in harmony with the heaven-sent gifts with which she has been endowed by nature.... Year in and year out, she may cast the aura of her calming and refining influence to make certain that her posterity will enjoy the opportunities to develop to their fullest potential their spiritual and physical natures." He also said, "Mothers are the creators of the atmosphere in the home and do much to provide the strong foundation for their sons and daughters, to provide them with strength when they leave the influence of their homes." (Teachings of Harold B. Lee, 139).
I was so struck by this last night when I read it. I asked myself, "How am I doing? What kind of 'aura' am I casting? Am I casting an 'aura' of a calming and refining influence in my home? What type of atmosphere am I creating for my children? Am I providing them with the strength and foundation they need?" So...on this, the 100th day, I truly find myself at a crossroad. I take a deep breath and exhale. No looking back. I am so grateful to be moving ahead. Grateful for my husband and children. Grateful for one more day, to prepare them and myself to meet God. Today I am simply glad for today, and for the opportunity I have to care for my family.
Conner is and has been a thumb sucker his whole life - it is a source of great comfort to him. I understand this, as I was also a very adamant thumb sucker in my youth. My mom tried everything to get me to stop sucking my thumb - I have very clear memories about the efforts and methods used to try and end my thumb sucking - nothing short of having a "rake" placed in my mouth worked! So, against my better judgment, I followed the advise of our Pediatrician, and have "ignored" his thumb sucking, having been assured he would eventually stop on his own. Conner is now 4.5, and he is not going to stop on his own. His thumb sucking habit is affecting the shape of his mouth. So I am now attempting to help my son break himself of this comfort/habit. This is not an easy or pain free task. It is upsetting for him - and me. I am sure he will remember this, just as I remember my mom trying to help me. So, I am trying to approach this task with empathy and compassion, yet with firmness and determination. I have tried to assure him of my love for him, while at the same time, exerting my influence by offering rewards and consequences for his actions. Tonight I painted his thumbnail with the same nasty tasting polish my mom tried on me ( it didn't work for me, but hopefully it will be enough for Conner, along with the incentives). However, it was a painful undertaking tonight for both of us, as he cried for an hour before he went to sleep, begging me to "PLEASE take it off" (the polish). I told him I wouldn't, because I loved him, and I was doing what I needed to do, to help him do what he needed to do. Sometimes being a parent and doing what is best for your child is hard! It is especially hard when they don't understand everything, or they can't see the big picture, and they are begging you to stop doing what you are doing - even though you know what you are doing is right and is in their best interest and will help them in the long run.
I have no doubt this is how our Heavenly Father feels at times, as we beg Him to PLEASE "remove this cup from me". But our Heavenly Father being a loving parent and our God, and He knowing what is best for us, allows us to "suffer" so that we can grow and progress. He can see the "big picture" when we at times can't. We need to submit to the will of our Heavenly Father, just as a child submits to their earthly parents. Mosiah 3:19 says, "For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father."
Scott and I recently had a conversation about putting off the "natural man". I know we are to put off the natural man and become Christ like. I know if I can not do this, I can not fully be filled with the pure love of Christ. Since Katie's illness, I have felt such a strong urgency to put "first things first". During the past six years, I have lost such a large part of myself in the abyss of the constant turmoil and trauma that has invaded our home, coming from the outside in and from the inside out. So much good has been wasted, in having to deal with all the negativity, due to other people's agency. Scott has coped better with this than I have. I have learned from his example and I have gotten through it by the grace of God. However, a new day has dawned and I no longer simply want to "get through it". I have been empowered to take charge of my life, my home and my family.
President Harold B. Lee said, "Woman is the homemaker in her own home and an exemplar to her posterity in the generations that succeed her. Woman is a helpmeet to her husband and may render him more perfect than he otherwise would be. Woman's influence can bless a community or a nation to that extent to which she develops her spiritual powers in harmony with the heaven-sent gifts with which she has been endowed by nature.... Year in and year out, she may cast the aura of her calming and refining influence to make certain that her posterity will enjoy the opportunities to develop to their fullest potential their spiritual and physical natures." He also said, "Mothers are the creators of the atmosphere in the home and do much to provide the strong foundation for their sons and daughters, to provide them with strength when they leave the influence of their homes." (Teachings of Harold B. Lee, 139).
I was so struck by this last night when I read it. I asked myself, "How am I doing? What kind of 'aura' am I casting? Am I casting an 'aura' of a calming and refining influence in my home? What type of atmosphere am I creating for my children? Am I providing them with the strength and foundation they need?" So...on this, the 100th day, I truly find myself at a crossroad. I take a deep breath and exhale. No looking back. I am so grateful to be moving ahead. Grateful for my husband and children. Grateful for one more day, to prepare them and myself to meet God. Today I am simply glad for today, and for the opportunity I have to care for my family.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Day 99
Katie's tummy hurts on and off during the day, and at times she says her legs hurt. She has been falling down more, and yesterday she told me she couldn't walk when she woke up from her nap. It just seems to come and go though... Overall, Katie has done surprisingly well, considering what she is going through. She seems happy and is still very playful, for which we are very grateful!
President Harold B. Lee said, "There is a refining process that comes through suffering. I think, that we can't experience any other way than by suffering... We draw closer to Him who gave His life that man might be. We feel a kinship that we have never felt before... He suffered more than we can ever imagine. But to the extent that we have suffered, somehow it seems to have the effect of drawing us closer to the divine, helps to purify our souls, and helps to purge out the things that are not pleasing in the sight of the Lord" (The Teachings of Harold B. Lee, 69-70). Isaiah said: "But now, O Lord, thou art our father, we are the clay, and thou our potter: and we all are the work of thy hand." (Isaiah 64:8.)
Today I am glad for a "potter" who has blessed us so abundantly! I know our Heavenly Father loves us and is aware of our every need. I have faith and trust in Him.
President Harold B. Lee said, "There is a refining process that comes through suffering. I think, that we can't experience any other way than by suffering... We draw closer to Him who gave His life that man might be. We feel a kinship that we have never felt before... He suffered more than we can ever imagine. But to the extent that we have suffered, somehow it seems to have the effect of drawing us closer to the divine, helps to purify our souls, and helps to purge out the things that are not pleasing in the sight of the Lord" (The Teachings of Harold B. Lee, 69-70). Isaiah said: "But now, O Lord, thou art our father, we are the clay, and thou our potter: and we all are the work of thy hand." (Isaiah 64:8.)
Today I am glad for a "potter" who has blessed us so abundantly! I know our Heavenly Father loves us and is aware of our every need. I have faith and trust in Him.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Day 98
We had a lot of diaper changes yesterday and Katie had tummy aches on and off through out the day, but she slept through the night! She was still walking around and playing all day yesterday, so we feel blessed again, at how well she is tolerating this treatment. Side effects can still kick in as the week moves on, but I am amazed at her resilience and strength!
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for ...then will I make weak things become strong unto them" (Ether 12:27). "None of us will become perfect in a day or a month or a year. We will not accomplish it in a lifetime, but we can begin now, starting with our more obvious weaknesses and gradually converting them to strengths. This quest may be a long one; in fact will be lifelong. It may be fraught with many mistakes, with falling down and getting back up again. but we must not sell ourselves short. We must make a little extra effort. Kneel before God in supplication. He will comfort, sustain, and bless us" (Gordon B. Hinckley, Stand a Little Taller, 348).
Today we are glad for prayers and ministering angels. Katie has done better than anyone expected during this phase of her treatment. What a great blessing this has been!
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for ...then will I make weak things become strong unto them" (Ether 12:27). "None of us will become perfect in a day or a month or a year. We will not accomplish it in a lifetime, but we can begin now, starting with our more obvious weaknesses and gradually converting them to strengths. This quest may be a long one; in fact will be lifelong. It may be fraught with many mistakes, with falling down and getting back up again. but we must not sell ourselves short. We must make a little extra effort. Kneel before God in supplication. He will comfort, sustain, and bless us" (Gordon B. Hinckley, Stand a Little Taller, 348).
Today we are glad for prayers and ministering angels. Katie has done better than anyone expected during this phase of her treatment. What a great blessing this has been!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Day 97
We were at the clinic for over 7 hours yesterday. Katie's treatments went okay. There is a national shortage on one of the chemo medications she needs and so PCH is rationing this medication (Mexotrexate). Because of this, our doctor issued a different type of chemo medication yesterday into Katie's spine. Dr. Dana assured us this won't negatively impact her recovery. They have allotted enough of the Mexotrexate for Katie to finish the remainder of this phase (she has only one more treatment left). She won't need any more of that particular medication during the next phase (mid-March through mid-May), but if PCH doesn't get more of the Mexotrxate during that time, then there will not be enough for Katie, when she is next due. Dr. Dana said not to worry about it now, that we will deal with it, if and when that happens.
Katie's tummy has been hurting and we have gone through a lot of diaper changes since yesterday evening and we had to change her sheets in the middle of the night. She woke up this morning thirsty and with her tummy still hurting. I feel slightly helpless to help her. Katie takes it all in stride though, she is an amazing little girl. Accessing her port seems to get harder every time instead of easier - meaning Katie is more scared and traumatized before and during the accessing. I have to hold her down, by holding her arms and hands behind her back while they access her port. It is hard on me - which must show, because when the nurses finish, they always ask me if I am okay. But we made it through yesterday and I was glad to have Scott there.
"Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed; for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." (Joshua 1:9) Today we are glad to have found such a good doctor. Dr. Dana is a very good doctor and that has brought us comfort and reassurance.
Katie's tummy has been hurting and we have gone through a lot of diaper changes since yesterday evening and we had to change her sheets in the middle of the night. She woke up this morning thirsty and with her tummy still hurting. I feel slightly helpless to help her. Katie takes it all in stride though, she is an amazing little girl. Accessing her port seems to get harder every time instead of easier - meaning Katie is more scared and traumatized before and during the accessing. I have to hold her down, by holding her arms and hands behind her back while they access her port. It is hard on me - which must show, because when the nurses finish, they always ask me if I am okay. But we made it through yesterday and I was glad to have Scott there.
"Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed; for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." (Joshua 1:9) Today we are glad to have found such a good doctor. Dr. Dana is a very good doctor and that has brought us comfort and reassurance.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Day 96
We are at the clinic this morning - all day. Please pray for Katie. Today I am glad Scott took off from work to help Katie and I get through the day!
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Day 95
Honestly, it has been very hard for me to live in the present this weekend. Katie is so strong and so happy right now. I love to watch her and I thrill in seeing how vibrant she is! It breaks my heart to think of what is coming. I am so grateful, she has done so well, and that she hasn't "crashed" yet, but... Tomorrow morning we go in early for Katie to get chemo in her spine and then two more doses of chemo in her port. I have worried this will be the one that brings her down. Katie is such a ray of sunshine in our life. She brings so much joy and laughter to our family and our home. She has been such us blessing to us. The rest of us are on the more serious side, but not Katie, she is pure yellow, sunshine, love and laughter. She is sweet, tender, kind and caring. We all love her so very much. I love to see Katie and Conner interacting and taking care of each other.
Bath time has always been a fun time for them. Well, fun until it was time to wash their hair. Conner has always hated getting his hair washed, and Katie learned from him. Until recently, they have cried, every time, when it was time to wash hair. I now have Katie lay her head in Conner's lap and have him "take care" of Katie while she gets her hair washed. Then I have Conner lay his head in Katie's lap and have her "take care" of him. There is no more crying. They feel safe in each others arms. I love how they love each other! I love that Katie has (for the most part) stopped crying at night because she feels safe and comforted now that she is sleeping in her brother's room again. How sweet they both are! They also love their other siblings just the same - unconditionally.
"It is estimated that the average human being has around 50,000 thoughts per day. That's a lot of thoughts. Some of these thoughts are going to be positive and productive. Unfortunately, however, many of them are also going to be negative - angry, fearful, pessimistic, worrisome. Indeed, the important question in terms of becoming more peaceful isn't whether or not you're going to have negative thoughts - you are - it's what you choose to do with the ones that you have.
"In a practical sense, you really have only two options when it comes to dealing with negative thoughts. You can analyze your thoughts - ponder, think through, study, think some more - or you can learn to ignore them - dismiss, pay less attention to, not take so seriously. This later option, learning to take your negative thoughts less seriously, is infinitely more effective in terms of learning to be more peaceful.
"When you have a thought - any thought - that's all it is, a thought! It can't hurt you without your consent. For example, if you have a thought from your past, you can get into it, as many do, which will create inner turmoil for you. You can give the thought significance in your mind, and you'll convince yourself that you should be unhappy. Or, you can recognize that your mind is about to create a mental snowball, and you can choose to dismiss the thought. (It doesn't change your past)..but in this present moment, you have a choice of which thoughts to pay attention to.
"The same mental dynamic applies to thoughts of this morning, even five minutes ago. An argument that happened while you were walking out the door on your way to work is no longer an actual argument, it's a thought in your mind. This dynamic also applies to future-oriented thoughts of this evening, next week, or ten years down the road. You'll find, in most cases, that if you ignore or dismiss a negative thought that fills your mind, a more peaceful feeling is only a moment away. And, in a more peaceful state of mind, your wisdom and common sense will tell you what to do. This strategy takes practice but is well worth the effort" (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff - Simple Ways to Keep The little Things from Taking Over Your Life, Richard Carlson, PH.D., 227).
I'm going to try and control that negative thinking! =) Today we are simply glad for today - to be able spend another good day together.
Bath time has always been a fun time for them. Well, fun until it was time to wash their hair. Conner has always hated getting his hair washed, and Katie learned from him. Until recently, they have cried, every time, when it was time to wash hair. I now have Katie lay her head in Conner's lap and have him "take care" of Katie while she gets her hair washed. Then I have Conner lay his head in Katie's lap and have her "take care" of him. There is no more crying. They feel safe in each others arms. I love how they love each other! I love that Katie has (for the most part) stopped crying at night because she feels safe and comforted now that she is sleeping in her brother's room again. How sweet they both are! They also love their other siblings just the same - unconditionally.
"It is estimated that the average human being has around 50,000 thoughts per day. That's a lot of thoughts. Some of these thoughts are going to be positive and productive. Unfortunately, however, many of them are also going to be negative - angry, fearful, pessimistic, worrisome. Indeed, the important question in terms of becoming more peaceful isn't whether or not you're going to have negative thoughts - you are - it's what you choose to do with the ones that you have.
"In a practical sense, you really have only two options when it comes to dealing with negative thoughts. You can analyze your thoughts - ponder, think through, study, think some more - or you can learn to ignore them - dismiss, pay less attention to, not take so seriously. This later option, learning to take your negative thoughts less seriously, is infinitely more effective in terms of learning to be more peaceful.
"When you have a thought - any thought - that's all it is, a thought! It can't hurt you without your consent. For example, if you have a thought from your past, you can get into it, as many do, which will create inner turmoil for you. You can give the thought significance in your mind, and you'll convince yourself that you should be unhappy. Or, you can recognize that your mind is about to create a mental snowball, and you can choose to dismiss the thought. (It doesn't change your past)..but in this present moment, you have a choice of which thoughts to pay attention to.
"The same mental dynamic applies to thoughts of this morning, even five minutes ago. An argument that happened while you were walking out the door on your way to work is no longer an actual argument, it's a thought in your mind. This dynamic also applies to future-oriented thoughts of this evening, next week, or ten years down the road. You'll find, in most cases, that if you ignore or dismiss a negative thought that fills your mind, a more peaceful feeling is only a moment away. And, in a more peaceful state of mind, your wisdom and common sense will tell you what to do. This strategy takes practice but is well worth the effort" (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff - Simple Ways to Keep The little Things from Taking Over Your Life, Richard Carlson, PH.D., 227).
I'm going to try and control that negative thinking! =) Today we are simply glad for today - to be able spend another good day together.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Day 94
I tried to add three more pictures after the original post. Some of the pictures got out of place and attached to each other (the first four) and I can't separate them or put them in the correct order - so, it is what it is - kind of random and out of order. Anyway, it isn't worth the frustration - unless someone can tell me how to separate them and move them! =)
I am going to try writing the blog in the mornings now (after Scott leaves for work and before Katie and Conner wake up), so it doesn't take time away from my children or husband. I enjoyed doing it at night, because it has been my release every day, but we will see how this goes...
As you can see from the temple pictures, Katie has slimmed down a bit, and has lost the "moon face" from the steroids. She is doing great. We have been so blessed that she has tolerated her current treatment so well, so far. I dread Monday and what that may bring on, but I am trying to put that out of my mind and just enjoy today.
Zach (Katie and Conner's older brother) is home on leave from the Navy. They were shy with him at first, but within a few minutes they were clinging to him and chattering away with him. It was sweet. They were happy to see each other. Zach is planning on getting married in May, so we have that coming on the horizon.
President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "I don't worry too much about the future, and I don't worry very much about the past. The past is gone, and you can't change, you can't correct it. The future, you can anticipate, but you can't necessarily do very much about it. It is the present you have to deal with. Reach out for every good opportunity to do what you ought to do" (Stand a Little Taller, 382).
I am going to try writing the blog in the mornings now (after Scott leaves for work and before Katie and Conner wake up), so it doesn't take time away from my children or husband. I enjoyed doing it at night, because it has been my release every day, but we will see how this goes...
As you can see from the temple pictures, Katie has slimmed down a bit, and has lost the "moon face" from the steroids. She is doing great. We have been so blessed that she has tolerated her current treatment so well, so far. I dread Monday and what that may bring on, but I am trying to put that out of my mind and just enjoy today.
Zach (Katie and Conner's older brother) is home on leave from the Navy. They were shy with him at first, but within a few minutes they were clinging to him and chattering away with him. It was sweet. They were happy to see each other. Zach is planning on getting married in May, so we have that coming on the horizon.
President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "I don't worry too much about the future, and I don't worry very much about the past. The past is gone, and you can't change, you can't correct it. The future, you can anticipate, but you can't necessarily do very much about it. It is the present you have to deal with. Reach out for every good opportunity to do what you ought to do" (Stand a Little Taller, 382).
Friday, February 10, 2012
Day 92 & 93 (Pictures)
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| Katie put her play skirt on her head for "pretty hair" |
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| Our Pretty Little Princess |
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| Playing Superhero |
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| Katie's Girly Bigwheel |
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| Going for a Ride |
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| Temple Pictures |
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| Jesus Watching Over Me |
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Day 91
I thought the flowers looked and smelled so beautiful at the temple last night, that I took Katie and Conner there today. I will have Scott help me post the pictures this weekend. Katie is still doing well, but we can tell she is getting a little bit weaker. Just things like her not wanting (or being able) to walk up and down the stairs. A few minutes ago Katie said, "Mommy...I need you." She was standing at the top of the stairs wanting down. She is so cute though - she had on one of her shoes, one of Conner's shoes and she had a barbie in each hand. She had been upstairs fixing the barbies hair. Speaking of hair, Katie has some peach fuzz growing on her head and I think it is so cute. However I don't comment on it to her, because we have been told any hair she gets during this phase, she will loose during the next phase (starting in mid-march). Anyway, we are enjoying the good days we are having now! We are so glad each day that she is doing so well!
I found this quote today and it described perfectly how I felt last night at the temple with Scott, and then again today on the temple grounds with Katie and Conner. "There is a need for constant improvement in all of our lives. There is a need occasionally to leave the noise and the tumult of the world and step within the walls of a sacred house of God, there to feel His spirit in an environment of holiness and peace" (Gordon B. Hinckely).
I found this quote today and it described perfectly how I felt last night at the temple with Scott, and then again today on the temple grounds with Katie and Conner. "There is a need for constant improvement in all of our lives. There is a need occasionally to leave the noise and the tumult of the world and step within the walls of a sacred house of God, there to feel His spirit in an environment of holiness and peace" (Gordon B. Hinckely).
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Day 90
Ninety days...three months...a lot has happened in 3 months. Today we are glad for guacamole. Katie loves guacamole. She ate it for lunch - with a spoon - she didn't want a cheese crisp, or chips - just the guacamole. Hey, whatever works, just as long as she is eating. Scott and I went out to dinner and to the temple tonight. It was a much needed night out.
"Our Heavenly Father, who loves us completely and perfectly, permits us to have experiences that will allow us to develop the traits and attributes we need to become more and more Christlike. Our trials come in many forms, but each will allow us to become more like the Savior as we learn to recognize the good that comes from each experience. As we understand this doctrine, we gain greater assurance of our Father's love. We may never know in this life why we face what we do, but we can feel confident that we can grow from the experience" (Elder James B. Martino, "All Things Work Together for Good," Ensign, May 2010, 101).
"Our Heavenly Father, who loves us completely and perfectly, permits us to have experiences that will allow us to develop the traits and attributes we need to become more and more Christlike. Our trials come in many forms, but each will allow us to become more like the Savior as we learn to recognize the good that comes from each experience. As we understand this doctrine, we gain greater assurance of our Father's love. We may never know in this life why we face what we do, but we can feel confident that we can grow from the experience" (Elder James B. Martino, "All Things Work Together for Good," Ensign, May 2010, 101).
Monday, February 6, 2012
Day 89
Katie hasn't been eating much for the past couple of days. She didn't eat dinner last night. Today she didn't eat breakfast, she ate the cream cheese off her bagel at lunch (not the bagel), she ate one pear slice for snack, and a couple bites of cheese at dinner. I can't seem to interest her in anything. She even spits out fruit snacks - she tries to eat them, but after she gets it in her mouth she needs to spit it out - for some reason. She is having nightmares again too, at naptime and bedtime. Other than that, she seems to be doing okay.
President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "Teach children how to pray concerning their own needs and righteous desires. Let prayer, night and morning, as a family and as individuals, become a practice in which children grow while yet young. There will distill into their hearts a natural inclination in times of distress and extremity to turn to God as their Father and friend." Today we are glad for Katie's prayers...she offers the sweetest prayers day and night. =)
President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "Teach children how to pray concerning their own needs and righteous desires. Let prayer, night and morning, as a family and as individuals, become a practice in which children grow while yet young. There will distill into their hearts a natural inclination in times of distress and extremity to turn to God as their Father and friend." Today we are glad for Katie's prayers...she offers the sweetest prayers day and night. =)
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Day 88
We had another nice day together. We went to see my nephew's ward to see his baby (Lilly Elizbeth) get blessed. Katie loves babies. Katie is still doing well. Today we are so glad for our sweet children.
"Serve the Lord with gladness: come before his presence with singing...Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise; be thankful unto him, and bless his name" (Psalm 100:2,4).
"Serve the Lord with gladness: come before his presence with singing...Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise; be thankful unto him, and bless his name" (Psalm 100:2,4).
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Day 87
I have a new found empathy for Katie and the steroids. I have been on steroids for 4 days, with 2 days left. They are the most bitter tasting pill I have ever taken....and we were trying to "hide" it in Katie's food. I now understand how difficult that was for her. I have gotten headaches and other symptoms. It makes me sad to think she will have to go through that again - although it will not be at the same prolonged level of intensity as before. (Katie starts back on steroids in mid-march).
Today however, was a good day. Katie is happy and hasn't skipped a beat with this last chemo treatment. Which is odd...but great! We know we are being blessed! Since Katie is doing so well, we were able to go to another "Hope Kids" event today. We went to the Arizona Science Center and car show. We actually enjoyed the car show the most. Katie was very tired afterward. She took a 3.5 hour nap. I didn't know whether to let her sleep or wake her up...but when I woke her up she woke up happy. She is such a sweet girl! We spent the afternoon playing with some toys, Katie and Conner got from their cousins, Ryan and Tyler. So, we had a fun day together. (But of course, in the last second rush to get out of the house this morning, I left the camera, so we didn't get any pictures today...bummer).
Thank you for all of your continued prayers, we attribute Katie's ability to tolerate her current treatment to prayer. We know at some point she will start "crashing" but we feel so blessed, glad and grateful it is coming later in this phase, rather than sooner! So, please keep praying for our sweet Katie girl.
Gene R. Cook said, "If we will seek the grace of God, He will come to our aid and the aid of our loved ones in times of need. Let us obey the Lord in all things and offer to Him the ultimate sacrifice of "a broken heart and a contrite spirit" (Ensign, May 1993, 81).
Today however, was a good day. Katie is happy and hasn't skipped a beat with this last chemo treatment. Which is odd...but great! We know we are being blessed! Since Katie is doing so well, we were able to go to another "Hope Kids" event today. We went to the Arizona Science Center and car show. We actually enjoyed the car show the most. Katie was very tired afterward. She took a 3.5 hour nap. I didn't know whether to let her sleep or wake her up...but when I woke her up she woke up happy. She is such a sweet girl! We spent the afternoon playing with some toys, Katie and Conner got from their cousins, Ryan and Tyler. So, we had a fun day together. (But of course, in the last second rush to get out of the house this morning, I left the camera, so we didn't get any pictures today...bummer).
Thank you for all of your continued prayers, we attribute Katie's ability to tolerate her current treatment to prayer. We know at some point she will start "crashing" but we feel so blessed, glad and grateful it is coming later in this phase, rather than sooner! So, please keep praying for our sweet Katie girl.
Gene R. Cook said, "If we will seek the grace of God, He will come to our aid and the aid of our loved ones in times of need. Let us obey the Lord in all things and offer to Him the ultimate sacrifice of "a broken heart and a contrite spirit" (Ensign, May 1993, 81).
Friday, February 3, 2012
Day 86
Katie is still doing remarkably well. We feel very blessed. We know there will be hard days ahead, but we are glad it is not today. At the Phoenix clinic, when the children are getting their chemo treatments, they and their parents go to the "treatment area". Each family is given a very small space with two chairs and an IV pump. There are no walls, the families are merely separated by curtains. So, imagine a very long hallway, and on both sides of the hallway are children and their parents, the children are all bald and hooked up to IV pumps. As you walk down this long hallway, you get a glimpse of each family as you pass by (the curtains are never completely closed). Yesterday, I became very aware of the number of seriously ill children there. I (twice) felt a panic rise up within me, knowing that not all of these children will live. I couldn't help but wonder...Will it be their child that dies - or will it be mine. It is in the hands of God.
"Now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the son of God, that ye must build your foundation, that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds,...it shall have no power over you" (Helaman 5:12). "The rock of our Redeemer is the sure foundation in life, the one that will never falter or fail. When all else falls apart, when sore troubles come upon us, when we feel buffeted by the burdens and difficulties of life, our Savior is there sustaining us in our trials, comforting us in our heartaches, and strengthening us in our weak moments." (Lloyd D. Newell and Robert L. Millet, When Ye Shall Receive These Things, 308)
"Now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the son of God, that ye must build your foundation, that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds,...it shall have no power over you" (Helaman 5:12). "The rock of our Redeemer is the sure foundation in life, the one that will never falter or fail. When all else falls apart, when sore troubles come upon us, when we feel buffeted by the burdens and difficulties of life, our Savior is there sustaining us in our trials, comforting us in our heartaches, and strengthening us in our weak moments." (Lloyd D. Newell and Robert L. Millet, When Ye Shall Receive These Things, 308)
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Day 85
Katie and I spent 5 hours at the clinic today. Not our favorite day. Grandmas Epps took care of Conner for us and we are very grateful. Katie's levels were good today, so they were able to proceed with her treatments. Katie's liver functions are still high, but not so high they couldn't proceed. The doctor said Katie's tiredness (not wanting to walk up or down the stairs) is probably due to the chemo treatments.
Katie has done okay so far tonight. Katie has been tolerating the treatments amazingly well during this phase. Hopefully that will continue. Although, Dr. Dana said things will start getting hard again as we continue to up her doses of chemo. She goes in again on the 13th. If her levels are good, then she will get the higher doses of chemo PLUS a spinal tap of chemo. So, it is a waiting game, to see how she does this next 10 days, and then we will go from there.
"We must have opposites from which we can choose, or we would not be able to act for ourselves." Elder Bruce R. McConkie taught, "Unless there is darkness, there can be no light; unless there is vice, there can be no virtue; unless there is hate, there can be no love" (The Mortal Messiah 4:89) "For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad.....And if there be no righteousness there be no happiness. And if there be no righteousness nor happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not there is no God. And if there is no God we are not, neither the earth; for there could have been no creation of things, neither to act nor to be acted upon; wherefore, all things must have vanished away....I speak unto you these things for your profit and learning; for there is a God, and he hath created all things, both the heaven and the earth, and all things that in them are, both things to act and things to be acted upon" (See 2 Nephi 2:11-16).
Today we are glad for the Biggs family who graciously brought us dinner again tonight. Thank you!
Katie has done okay so far tonight. Katie has been tolerating the treatments amazingly well during this phase. Hopefully that will continue. Although, Dr. Dana said things will start getting hard again as we continue to up her doses of chemo. She goes in again on the 13th. If her levels are good, then she will get the higher doses of chemo PLUS a spinal tap of chemo. So, it is a waiting game, to see how she does this next 10 days, and then we will go from there.
"We must have opposites from which we can choose, or we would not be able to act for ourselves." Elder Bruce R. McConkie taught, "Unless there is darkness, there can be no light; unless there is vice, there can be no virtue; unless there is hate, there can be no love" (The Mortal Messiah 4:89) "For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad.....And if there be no righteousness there be no happiness. And if there be no righteousness nor happiness there be no punishment nor misery. And if these things are not there is no God. And if there is no God we are not, neither the earth; for there could have been no creation of things, neither to act nor to be acted upon; wherefore, all things must have vanished away....I speak unto you these things for your profit and learning; for there is a God, and he hath created all things, both the heaven and the earth, and all things that in them are, both things to act and things to be acted upon" (See 2 Nephi 2:11-16).
Today we are glad for the Biggs family who graciously brought us dinner again tonight. Thank you!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Day 84
Katie has lost ALL interest in potty training today, she said, "I don't want to...because, I don't want to." Well, okay then....on to other things. Back at the clinic tomorrow for a double dose (higher dose) of chemo. It is a long, no fun, day. My allergies have gotten the better of me. I now have an eye infection and the doctor put me on steroids. SUPER! Just what we needed, more steroids in the family. Sigh... The pharmacist told me, "Now these tend to make people have insomnia and be irritable." Yes, we know. Katie has been doing so well that our stress level has gone down some, but the strain of it all, is ever present. I don't know how to explain that, but there is just a constant strain, that is draining...
"It is necessary men should be tried and purged and purified and made perfect through suffering. And hence we find men in the different ages that have passed through trials and afflictions of every kind, and they had to learn to put their faith in God, and in God alone.
President John Taylor said, "We have learned many things through suffering. We call it suffering. I call it a school of experience...What are these things for? Why is it that good men should be tried?... I have never looked at these things in any other light than trials for the purpose of purifying the Saints of God that they may be, as the scriptures say, as gold that has been seven times purified by the fire.
"We complain sometimes about our trials. We need not do that. These are things that are necessary for our perfection. We think sometimes that we are not rightly treated, and I think we think correctly about some of these things. We think there are plots set on foot to entrap us; and I think we think so very correctly. At the same time we need not be astonished at these things...
"I know that as other men we have our trials, afflictions, sorrows, and privations. We meet with difficulties; we have to contend with the world, with the powers of darkness, with the corruptions of men, and a variety of evils; yet at the same time through these things we have to be made perfect. It is necessary that we should have a knowledge of ourselves, of our true position and standing before God, and comprehend our strength and weakness; our ignorance and intelligence, our wisdom and our folly, that we may know how to appreciate true principles, and comprehend and put a proper value upon all things as they present themselves before our minds.
"It is necessary that we should know our own weaknesses, and the weaknesses of our fellow men; our own strength as well as the strength of others; and comprehend our true position before God, angels, and men; that we may be inclined to treat all with due respect, and not to over value our own wisdom or strength, nor depreciate it, nor that of others; but put our trust in the living God, and follow after him, and realise that we are his children, and that he is our Father, and that our dependence is upon him, and that every blessing we receive flows from his beneficent hand.
"Concerning these matters I do not have any trouble. What if we have to suffer affliction! We came here for that purpose; we came in order that we might be purified; and this is intended to give us a knowledge of God, of our weakness and strength; of our corruptions,...to give us a knowledge of eternal life, that we may be enabled to overcome all evil and be exalted to thrones of power and glory" (Teachings of Presidents of the Church, 201).
Today I am glad for President Taylor's "matter of fact" style of teaching. This wasn't the book I was looking for, but the one I grabbed, and I am glad I did. It is hard to be upset or feel sorry for myself after reading his insights on trials. It was just what I needed! (It was kind of like having a conversation with my very matter of fact sister!) =)
"It is necessary men should be tried and purged and purified and made perfect through suffering. And hence we find men in the different ages that have passed through trials and afflictions of every kind, and they had to learn to put their faith in God, and in God alone.
President John Taylor said, "We have learned many things through suffering. We call it suffering. I call it a school of experience...What are these things for? Why is it that good men should be tried?... I have never looked at these things in any other light than trials for the purpose of purifying the Saints of God that they may be, as the scriptures say, as gold that has been seven times purified by the fire.
"We complain sometimes about our trials. We need not do that. These are things that are necessary for our perfection. We think sometimes that we are not rightly treated, and I think we think correctly about some of these things. We think there are plots set on foot to entrap us; and I think we think so very correctly. At the same time we need not be astonished at these things...
"I know that as other men we have our trials, afflictions, sorrows, and privations. We meet with difficulties; we have to contend with the world, with the powers of darkness, with the corruptions of men, and a variety of evils; yet at the same time through these things we have to be made perfect. It is necessary that we should have a knowledge of ourselves, of our true position and standing before God, and comprehend our strength and weakness; our ignorance and intelligence, our wisdom and our folly, that we may know how to appreciate true principles, and comprehend and put a proper value upon all things as they present themselves before our minds.
"It is necessary that we should know our own weaknesses, and the weaknesses of our fellow men; our own strength as well as the strength of others; and comprehend our true position before God, angels, and men; that we may be inclined to treat all with due respect, and not to over value our own wisdom or strength, nor depreciate it, nor that of others; but put our trust in the living God, and follow after him, and realise that we are his children, and that he is our Father, and that our dependence is upon him, and that every blessing we receive flows from his beneficent hand.
"Concerning these matters I do not have any trouble. What if we have to suffer affliction! We came here for that purpose; we came in order that we might be purified; and this is intended to give us a knowledge of God, of our weakness and strength; of our corruptions,...to give us a knowledge of eternal life, that we may be enabled to overcome all evil and be exalted to thrones of power and glory" (Teachings of Presidents of the Church, 201).
Today I am glad for President Taylor's "matter of fact" style of teaching. This wasn't the book I was looking for, but the one I grabbed, and I am glad I did. It is hard to be upset or feel sorry for myself after reading his insights on trials. It was just what I needed! (It was kind of like having a conversation with my very matter of fact sister!) =)
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