Day 84

     Katie has lost ALL interest in potty training today, she said, "I don't want to...because, I don't want to."  Well, okay then....on to other things.  Back at the clinic tomorrow for a double dose (higher dose) of chemo.  It is a long, no fun, day.   My allergies have gotten the better of me.  I now have an eye infection and the doctor put me on steroids.  SUPER!  Just what we needed, more steroids in the family.  Sigh... The pharmacist told me, "Now these tend to make people have insomnia and be irritable."  Yes, we know.   Katie has been doing so well that our stress level has gone down some, but the strain of it all, is ever present.  I don't know how to explain that, but there is just a constant strain, that is draining...
     "It is necessary men should be tried and purged and purified and made perfect through suffering.  And hence we find men in the different ages that have passed through trials and afflictions of every kind, and they had to learn to put their faith in God, and in God alone.
     President John Taylor said, "We have learned many things through suffering.  We call it suffering.  I call it a school of experience...What are these things for?  Why is it that good men should be tried?... I have never looked at these things in any other light than trials for the purpose of purifying the Saints of God that they may be, as the scriptures say, as gold that has been seven times purified by the fire.
     "We complain sometimes about our trials.  We need not do that.  These are things that are necessary for our perfection.  We think sometimes that we are not rightly treated, and I think we think correctly about some of these things.  We think there are plots set on foot to entrap us; and I think we think so very correctly.  At the same time we need not be astonished at these things...
     "I know that as other men we have our trials, afflictions, sorrows, and privations.  We meet with difficulties; we have to contend with the world, with the powers of darkness, with the corruptions of men, and a variety of evils; yet at the same time through these things we have to be made perfect.  It is necessary that we should have a knowledge of ourselves, of our true position and standing before God, and comprehend our strength and weakness; our ignorance and intelligence, our wisdom and our folly, that we may know how to appreciate true principles, and comprehend and put a proper value upon all things as they present themselves before our minds.
     "It is necessary that we should know our own weaknesses, and the weaknesses of our fellow men; our own strength as well as the strength of others; and comprehend our true position before God, angels, and men; that we may be inclined to treat all with due respect, and not to over value our own wisdom or strength, nor depreciate it, nor that of others; but put our trust in the living God, and follow after him, and realise that we are his children, and that he is our Father, and that our dependence is upon him, and that every blessing we receive flows from his beneficent hand.
     "Concerning these matters I do not have any trouble.  What if we have to suffer affliction!  We came here for that purpose; we came in order that we might be purified; and this is intended to give us a knowledge of God, of our weakness and strength; of our corruptions,...to give us a knowledge of eternal life, that we may be enabled to overcome all evil and be exalted to thrones of power and glory" (Teachings of Presidents of the Church, 201).
     Today I am glad for President Taylor's "matter of fact" style of teaching.  This wasn't the book I was looking for, but the one I grabbed, and I am glad I did.  It is hard to be upset or feel sorry for myself after reading his insights on trials.  It was just what I needed! (It was kind of like having a conversation with my very matter of fact sister!) =)