Day 95

     Honestly, it has been very hard for me to live in the present this weekend.  Katie is so strong and so happy right now.  I love to watch her and I thrill in seeing how vibrant she is!  It breaks my heart to think of what is coming.  I am so grateful, she has done so well, and that she hasn't "crashed" yet, but... Tomorrow morning we go in early for Katie to get chemo in her spine and then two more doses of chemo in her port.  I have worried this will be the one that brings her down.  Katie is such a ray of sunshine in our life.  She brings so much joy and laughter to our family and our home.  She has been such us blessing to us.  The rest of us are on the more serious side, but not Katie, she is pure yellow, sunshine, love and laughter.  She is sweet, tender, kind and caring.  We all love her so very much.  I love to see Katie and Conner interacting and taking care of each other. 
     Bath time has always been a fun time for them.  Well, fun until it was time to wash their hair.  Conner has always hated getting his hair washed, and Katie learned from him.  Until recently, they have cried, every time, when it was time to wash hair.  I now have Katie lay her head in Conner's lap and have him "take care" of Katie while she gets her hair washed.  Then I have Conner lay his head in Katie's lap and have her "take care" of him.  There is no more crying.  They feel safe in each others arms.  I love how they love each other!  I love that Katie has (for the most part) stopped crying at night because she feels safe and comforted now that she is sleeping in her brother's room again.  How sweet they both are!  They also love their other siblings just the same - unconditionally.
     "It is estimated that the average human being has around 50,000 thoughts per day.  That's a lot of thoughts.  Some of these thoughts are going to be positive and productive.  Unfortunately, however, many of them are also going to be negative - angry, fearful, pessimistic, worrisome.  Indeed, the important question in terms of becoming more peaceful isn't whether or not you're going to have negative thoughts - you are - it's what you choose to do with the ones that you have.
     "In a practical sense, you really have only two options when it comes to dealing with negative thoughts.  You can analyze your thoughts - ponder, think through, study, think some more - or you can learn to ignore them - dismiss, pay less attention to, not take so seriously.  This later option, learning to take your negative thoughts less seriously, is infinitely more effective in terms of learning to be more peaceful.
     "When you have a thought - any thought - that's all it is, a thought!  It can't hurt you without your consent.  For example, if you have a thought from your past, you can get into it, as many do, which will create inner turmoil for you.  You can give the thought significance in your mind, and you'll convince yourself that you should be unhappy.  Or, you can recognize that your mind is about to create a mental snowball, and you can choose to dismiss the thought.  (It doesn't change your past)..but in this present moment, you have a choice of which thoughts to pay attention to.
     "The same mental dynamic applies to thoughts of this morning, even five minutes ago.  An argument that happened while you were walking out the door on your way to work is no longer an actual argument, it's a thought in your mind.  This dynamic also applies to future-oriented thoughts of this evening, next week, or ten years down the road.  You'll find, in most cases, that if you ignore or dismiss a negative thought that fills your mind, a more peaceful feeling is only a moment away.  And, in a more peaceful state of mind, your wisdom and common sense will tell you what to do.  This strategy takes practice but is well worth the effort" (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff - Simple Ways to Keep The little Things from Taking Over Your Life, Richard Carlson, PH.D., 227).
     I'm going to try and control that negative thinking! =)  Today we are simply glad for today - to be able spend another good day together.