Day 74

     Today Katie went to nursery (at church) for the second week in a row.  I don't want her to miss out on the lessons and socialization.  So, while her immune system is up high, we decided to let her go.  I have gone in with her and I make sure she keeps her mask on and I use lots of hand sanitizer and Clorox wipes as we go, but she loves it!  For almost 3 hours straight, Katie keeps her mask on at church, because she knows she has to if she is going to be there.  It is amazing to me how much a 2 year old can understand, and how much it means to her to be at church!  (I can barely stand to wear the mask for even 10 minutes, it is hot and hard to breathe and Katie does it for 3 hours!) 
     None of us are looking forward to tomorrow.  It is day of 2 doses of chemo (higher doses than before).  Katie and I will be at the Phoenix clinic for about 3 -5 hours.  We expect the side effects will be worse this time and longer lasting.  Katie is still having some side effects from the last dose (tummy aches, feet and hands hurting, hand tremors).  If Katie is up to it, we will also start physical therapy on Thursday, to help with her muscle weakness.  We are told to expect things to start getting worse again after this or the next round of chemo.  So, we will see how it goes.  No matter what, tomorrow is not a fun day.  Accessing her port is still very traumatizing for her (and me), it is a long day with immediate side effects.  But, we will take it as it comes.
     President Kimball said, "Is there not wisdom in his giving us trial that we might rise above them, responsibilities that we might achieve, work to harden our muscles, sorrows to try our souls?  Are we not exposed to temptations to test our strength, sickness that we might learn patience, death that we might be immortalized and glorified?
     "If all the sick for whom we pray were healed, if all the righteous were protected and the wicked destroyed, the whole program of the father would be annulled and the basic principle of the gospel, free agency, would be ended.  No man would have to live by faith.
     "If joy and peace and rewards were instantaneously given the doer of good, there could be no evil - all would do good but not because of the rightness of doing good.  There would be no test of strenght, no development of character, no growth of powers, no free agency, only satanic controls.
     "Should all prayers be immediately answered according to our selfish desires and our limited understanding, then there would be little or no suffering, sorrow, disappointment, or even death, and if these were not, there would also be no joy, success, resurrection, nor eternal life and godhood" (Faith Precedes the Miracle, p97).
     Today I am glad my life isn't run according to my limited understanding, but rather by a Father in Heaven who is loving, constant and unchanging.  I am grateful that all things are in His hands and according to His will.  I put my trust in Him.