Conner went to a Primary pizza party yesterday afternoon. We took Katie with us to pick him up. Katie ran around with all the other kids. I noticed, she was just a tad slower, but she ran just as far and just as long. She so desperately wants to keep up and to do what all the other kids are doing! She was wiped out by bedtime last night - but it was fun to see her playing with all the other children! Conner got through another day with his "thumb cast" on (well a new one - it gets stinky and dirty fast - he is on his 3rd cast!) We are hoping this will work for him.
I got a call yesterday from Phoenix Children's Hospital, reminding me about Katie's next appointment on March 7th, at 8:00 a.m. Katie is to go to the appointment fasting, and they will start with blood work and then do a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) at 9:30 a.m., and then she will get a couple more doses of chemo and steroids (all that day). When I hung up the phone I started crying. I don't know why really....It just hit me - a sudden sadness - I wish Katie didn't have to go through any more. She is stronger than I am. But we will get through this. We know there are also good things to come.
Elder Jeffery R. Holland has stated, "Joy in the gospel is...our privilege now, this very day. We must never allow our burdens to obscure our blessings. There will always be more blessings than burdens - even if some days it doesn't seem so" (Ensign, Octobe 2006, 15).
"Some things don't change; they are true always and forever. One of those vital sureties of life is that the Lord will stand by us, uphold and sustain us, if we turn to Him, trust Him, and rely upon the enabling power of His grace. He will surely bless us. The Savior said, "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly" (John 10:10). We are here to have "life more abundantly" here and now, not just hereafter in the heavenly realm. An abundant life is one that sees the blessings of the Lord and the gospel all around; a life that recognizes that blessings far outnumber burdens even at those times when it doesn't seem so; a life that has enough faith and confidence in the Lord and in His heart to know that the Lord will not abandon or forsake us. '[WE] are that [we] might have joy' (2 Nephi 2:25), right here, right now, this day and always." (Lloyd D. Newell, He Shall Fulfill All of His Promises, 205).
Today I am glad for family, friends and simple abundance. P.S. Thanks for yesterdays comments and for lending your strength and support to me! (CeCe and Kelly, thanks for sharing your humor! You both made me laugh).
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Day 111
Katie's head is now covered with bumps, bruises and scabs, because she has been falling down so much lately. She is still good humored and playful - just a bit "weak in the knees". She will comment every once in awhile that her legs hurt, or her tummy hurts, but she seems to take it all in stride. She has this next week "off" of treatments, so she can gather up some strength for this next phase. We have repeatedly been told by our doctor that it will be a very hard 8 weeks. Judging from the treatment plan I was given last week, I believe it will be hard. It will be the most intensive treatment phase she has gone through yet (with the exception perhaps being the first few weeks of treatment). But for now, we will concentrate on getting her strong, and enjoy the good days while we have them.
Conner has done well with his "cast" on. He only complained at nap time and bedtime. He said it was hard to sleep (because he is so used to sucking his thumb to soothe him to sleep). We made it through our first full day though! I hope this will work for him.
It was suggested to me by a friend a while back to interject some humor into my life and blog. I know my posts lack humor, but honestly, there just hasn't been much to find humorous in our life (for quite a long time). I used to be funny (or at least I thought so), but have I lost my sense of humor somewhere a long the way. It is hard to be light hearted when there are soul crushing events happening in your life - over and over. Hopefully, we are done getting "crushed" and can find our way back to a more peaceful happy state of being. It will not happen over night though. It took years to squelch my humor, and it will take time to find my way back. I am a work in progress! But for now, I am what I am, and the blog is what it is.
My objective in writing this blog was not for any ones entertainment anyway. This blog is about Katie, her story and her progress. I don't have the energy or desire to make it more than it is. I give you what I've got. I appreciate those of you who have stayed with us, in reading Katie's blog, despite my lack of wittiness! The quotes, thoughts and scriptures I post are for me. They are where I am, what I am reading, needing, doing. It helps me to write (type) it out. Hopefully at times it helps some of you too. I am glad for all of you who have "stayed" with us. We appreciate your continuing support and concern for our Katie. There are still some rough days ahead!
Seeking, asking....receiving. Grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who knows how to give good gifts to His children!
Conner has done well with his "cast" on. He only complained at nap time and bedtime. He said it was hard to sleep (because he is so used to sucking his thumb to soothe him to sleep). We made it through our first full day though! I hope this will work for him.
It was suggested to me by a friend a while back to interject some humor into my life and blog. I know my posts lack humor, but honestly, there just hasn't been much to find humorous in our life (for quite a long time). I used to be funny (or at least I thought so), but have I lost my sense of humor somewhere a long the way. It is hard to be light hearted when there are soul crushing events happening in your life - over and over. Hopefully, we are done getting "crushed" and can find our way back to a more peaceful happy state of being. It will not happen over night though. It took years to squelch my humor, and it will take time to find my way back. I am a work in progress! But for now, I am what I am, and the blog is what it is.
My objective in writing this blog was not for any ones entertainment anyway. This blog is about Katie, her story and her progress. I don't have the energy or desire to make it more than it is. I give you what I've got. I appreciate those of you who have stayed with us, in reading Katie's blog, despite my lack of wittiness! The quotes, thoughts and scriptures I post are for me. They are where I am, what I am reading, needing, doing. It helps me to write (type) it out. Hopefully at times it helps some of you too. I am glad for all of you who have "stayed" with us. We appreciate your continuing support and concern for our Katie. There are still some rough days ahead!
Luke11: 9 "And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
10 "For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
11 "If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent?
13 "If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?"
D & C 88:63 "Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."
Seeking, asking....receiving. Grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who knows how to give good gifts to His children!
Monday, February 27, 2012
Day 110
Katie is sweet and caring. She is always "taking care" of someone if they are sad or upset. She says things like, "It's okay, I am here, it's okay, I'll take care of you, it's okay." She will say this, while holding on or comforting the person with her hands. Last night, her brother was the recipient of such care and concern.
Conner has not been able to stop sucking his thumb, despite all our efforts and incentives. Even the yucky tasting polish only deterred him for one hour (whereas I had another parent tell me, their daughter stopped sucking her thumb for two weeks, with just one application of the polish!) So, in a desperate effort to help him, we made a makeshift cast on his left hand (as that is the thumb of choice). The cast is made out of gauze and duct tape - wrapped loosely around his thumb and hand. Conner thought if was funny last night...we'll see how it goes today! The funny part was Katie - Conner was laughing about it as we put it on, but Katie was concerned about it, and lent Conner her comfort and support. She is a sweet little thing!
Katie is still running around and playing, but she is a bit weaker than before. She fell down a couple of stairs yesterday (tile stairs), and she needs help getting up on the couch and bed. She lays at the bottom of the stairs and says, "Help me" when she wants up. Still...she is doing remarkably well. Please keep her in your prayers. She has a rough couple of months ahead!
Sister Ardeth G. Kapp has said, "Knowing and remembering who we are and whose we are, we become guided by a force affecting our attitude and our conduct" (Ensign, May 1992, 79). Today I am glad for "whose" I am. I am grateful that I am a daughter of God, who loves me and I love Him. I am so grateful for the gift of my children, who are also His children. What a responsibility - but what a gift!
Conner has not been able to stop sucking his thumb, despite all our efforts and incentives. Even the yucky tasting polish only deterred him for one hour (whereas I had another parent tell me, their daughter stopped sucking her thumb for two weeks, with just one application of the polish!) So, in a desperate effort to help him, we made a makeshift cast on his left hand (as that is the thumb of choice). The cast is made out of gauze and duct tape - wrapped loosely around his thumb and hand. Conner thought if was funny last night...we'll see how it goes today! The funny part was Katie - Conner was laughing about it as we put it on, but Katie was concerned about it, and lent Conner her comfort and support. She is a sweet little thing!
Katie is still running around and playing, but she is a bit weaker than before. She fell down a couple of stairs yesterday (tile stairs), and she needs help getting up on the couch and bed. She lays at the bottom of the stairs and says, "Help me" when she wants up. Still...she is doing remarkably well. Please keep her in your prayers. She has a rough couple of months ahead!
Sister Ardeth G. Kapp has said, "Knowing and remembering who we are and whose we are, we become guided by a force affecting our attitude and our conduct" (Ensign, May 1992, 79). Today I am glad for "whose" I am. I am grateful that I am a daughter of God, who loves me and I love Him. I am so grateful for the gift of my children, who are also His children. What a responsibility - but what a gift!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Day 109
To the casual observer, Katie would seem as strong as ever...but to her dad and I, we have noticed some changes in her overall strength and stamina. Although, she is still doing remarkably well and going strong (considering all she has gone through). She is having some tummy trouble, but we are medicating for that.
Scott and Nathan spent the better part of the day yesterday, digging holes and cementing in a play structure in our backyard. So, today we are glad and excited that Katie and Conner will soon have a slide and swings to play on. We are grateful for the Christmas "gift" that helped make this possible. Hopefully, they will enjoy playing on this play structure, for years to come.
Elder Robert D. Hales has said, "To receive the Lord's comfort, we must exercise faith. The questions Why me? Why our family? Why now? are usually unanswerable questions. These questions detract from our spirituality and can destroy our faith....I have come to understand how useless it is to dwell on the whys, what ifs, and if onlys for which there likely will be given no answers in mortality....We need to spend our time and energy building our faith by turning to the Lord and asking for strength to overcome the pains and trials of this world and to endure to the end for greater understanding." (Ensign, Nov. 1988, 14-15).
Scott and Nathan spent the better part of the day yesterday, digging holes and cementing in a play structure in our backyard. So, today we are glad and excited that Katie and Conner will soon have a slide and swings to play on. We are grateful for the Christmas "gift" that helped make this possible. Hopefully, they will enjoy playing on this play structure, for years to come.
Elder Robert D. Hales has said, "To receive the Lord's comfort, we must exercise faith. The questions Why me? Why our family? Why now? are usually unanswerable questions. These questions detract from our spirituality and can destroy our faith....I have come to understand how useless it is to dwell on the whys, what ifs, and if onlys for which there likely will be given no answers in mortality....We need to spend our time and energy building our faith by turning to the Lord and asking for strength to overcome the pains and trials of this world and to endure to the end for greater understanding." (Ensign, Nov. 1988, 14-15).
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Day 108
Katie is a remarkable girl. We are seeing some minor side effects, but nothing that isn't managable. Overall, she is doing super! She is happy and playful. She is strong and determined. Thank you for your prayers, they have helped her! We are glad she is doing so well.
Richard Carlson, PH.D., in speaking about making peace with imperfection has stated: "I've yet to meet an absolute perfectionist whose life was filled with inner peace. The need for perfection and the desire for inner tranquility conflict with each other. Whenever we are attached to having something a certain way, better than it already is, we are, almost by definiton, engaged in a losing battle. Rather than being content and grateful for what we have, we are focused on what's wrong with something and our need to fix it. When we are zeroed in on what's wrong, it implies that we are dissatisfied, discontent.
"Whether it's related to ourselves - a disorganized closet, a scratch on the car, an imperfect accomplishment, a few pounds we would like to lose - or someone else's 'imperfections' - the way someone looks, behaves, or lives their life - the very act of focusing on imperfection pulls us away from our goal of being kind and gentle. This stategy has nothing to do with ceasing to do your very best but with being overly attached an dfoucused on what's wrong with life. It's about realizing that while there's allways a better way to do something, this doesn't mean that you can't enjoy and appreciate the way things already are.
"The solution here is to catch yourself when you fall nto your habit of insisting that things should be other than they are. Gently remind yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now. In the absence of your judgment, everything would be fine. As you begin to eliminate your need for perfection in all areas of your life, you'll begin to discover the perfection in life itself."(Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and It's All Small Stuff, 7).
Richard Carlson, PH.D., in speaking about making peace with imperfection has stated: "I've yet to meet an absolute perfectionist whose life was filled with inner peace. The need for perfection and the desire for inner tranquility conflict with each other. Whenever we are attached to having something a certain way, better than it already is, we are, almost by definiton, engaged in a losing battle. Rather than being content and grateful for what we have, we are focused on what's wrong with something and our need to fix it. When we are zeroed in on what's wrong, it implies that we are dissatisfied, discontent.
"Whether it's related to ourselves - a disorganized closet, a scratch on the car, an imperfect accomplishment, a few pounds we would like to lose - or someone else's 'imperfections' - the way someone looks, behaves, or lives their life - the very act of focusing on imperfection pulls us away from our goal of being kind and gentle. This stategy has nothing to do with ceasing to do your very best but with being overly attached an dfoucused on what's wrong with life. It's about realizing that while there's allways a better way to do something, this doesn't mean that you can't enjoy and appreciate the way things already are.
"The solution here is to catch yourself when you fall nto your habit of insisting that things should be other than they are. Gently remind yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now. In the absence of your judgment, everything would be fine. As you begin to eliminate your need for perfection in all areas of your life, you'll begin to discover the perfection in life itself."(Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and It's All Small Stuff, 7).
Friday, February 24, 2012
Day 107
After Katie's blood tests yesterday, the doctor came back in and said, "Are we even giving her chemo!? Her numbers are perfect. I can't believe she is doing so well!" Today we are glad for the power of prayer! There is no other explanation for how well Katie has done.
Katie and I spent 5 hours at the clinic. She complained of her tummy hurting during treatment and later at home - but that didn't stop her, she still wanted to play! Last night she woke up several times during the night with tummy aches and bad dreams. Conner also had bad dreams last night - I am not sure if he ever actually woke up, but I woke up! I also had bad dreams last night. Scott had to wake me up at one point, because I was crying out. So...not the best nights sleep for any of us. Although, Katie seems to be feeling okay this morning - my guess is she won't eat breakfast - but at least she isn't crying.
"The simple secret is this: put your trust in the Lord, do your best, then leave the rest to Him." (Joseph B. Wirthilin, Ensign, November 2008, 28).
Katie and I spent 5 hours at the clinic. She complained of her tummy hurting during treatment and later at home - but that didn't stop her, she still wanted to play! Last night she woke up several times during the night with tummy aches and bad dreams. Conner also had bad dreams last night - I am not sure if he ever actually woke up, but I woke up! I also had bad dreams last night. Scott had to wake me up at one point, because I was crying out. So...not the best nights sleep for any of us. Although, Katie seems to be feeling okay this morning - my guess is she won't eat breakfast - but at least she isn't crying.
"The simple secret is this: put your trust in the Lord, do your best, then leave the rest to Him." (Joseph B. Wirthilin, Ensign, November 2008, 28).
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Day 106
Well, Katie and I are headed to the clinic this morning for another long day of tests and chemo. I always seem get a little on edge before we go. Conner heard me on the phone with his grandma Epps, planning what time she would come and help today. As a result, he asked me twice yesterday evening, "Grandma's just coming to help tomorrow, right? You're not going anywhere in the morning, right? You're not going to the hospital or anything, right mom?" He asked this (both times) in front of Katie and I had to tell him I would talk with him about it later - the second time I took him in the other room and explained what the plans were for today. I have learned not to say anything in front of Katie (the day before) because she gets upset and has bad dreams. I will tell her this morning just before we leave - because I have to put a "so called" numbing cream on her port before we leave the house, and she knows what that means. So, today is not our favorite day, but we will get through it. I have packed a lunch and downloaded the movie "Dumbo" for her to watch. Thanks again, to all the friends who donated the iPad for Katie. What a great gift and blessing that has been! Katie can listen to music, play games and watch videos during her long hours of treatment. We are glad for the iPad, it has been such a help! Also, thanks to everyone for your prayers. We know it is because of all of the prayers offered in our behalf, that Katie has done so well. So, please keep praying!
Yesterday, I posted a quote from President Harold B. Lee about building our "house upon the rock." As a take off from that, here is a quote by him, regarding building our "houses upon the sand." --- "The enemies of your own human 'fortress' are both physical and spiritual...they may include an unexpected sorrow, a family disgrace, a shock in your finances, the disloyalty of a supposed friend, or a secret sin against the laws of God. When such things happen in our lives we require and additional supply from spiritual sources....If you have lost contact with the Church by carelessness and your faith in God has dwindled, if you have not understood by study and learning the way to a forgiveness of your transgression, or if you have not obtained through prayerful understanding the assurances of a future reward for sacrifices and pain, then you have cut your spiritual supply lines and the strength that you soul needs is sapped....Your fortress is doomed to certain capture by Satan's forces. You are then as the foolish man who built his house upon the sands, and when the storms came great will be the fall thereof (see Matthew 7:24-27).
"And so I beg of you...to live each day so that you might receive from the fountain of light the nourishment and strength sufficient to every day's need. Take time to be holy each day of your lives." (Teachings of Presidents of the Church, 175).
Yesterday, I posted a quote from President Harold B. Lee about building our "house upon the rock." As a take off from that, here is a quote by him, regarding building our "houses upon the sand." --- "The enemies of your own human 'fortress' are both physical and spiritual...they may include an unexpected sorrow, a family disgrace, a shock in your finances, the disloyalty of a supposed friend, or a secret sin against the laws of God. When such things happen in our lives we require and additional supply from spiritual sources....If you have lost contact with the Church by carelessness and your faith in God has dwindled, if you have not understood by study and learning the way to a forgiveness of your transgression, or if you have not obtained through prayerful understanding the assurances of a future reward for sacrifices and pain, then you have cut your spiritual supply lines and the strength that you soul needs is sapped....Your fortress is doomed to certain capture by Satan's forces. You are then as the foolish man who built his house upon the sands, and when the storms came great will be the fall thereof (see Matthew 7:24-27).
"And so I beg of you...to live each day so that you might receive from the fountain of light the nourishment and strength sufficient to every day's need. Take time to be holy each day of your lives." (Teachings of Presidents of the Church, 175).
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