Day 296

     We are going to my In-laws "cabin" this weekend, to help them paint and hopefully for some R and R.  I wanted to do something nice for my family, so I decided to make cookies to take with us this weekend.  As the first batch of cookies were baking, a little nagging thought kept trying to come to the front of my mind... About a month ago my husband "helped" me by cleaning out my spice cabinet.  Today as I was mixing up the dough, I wondered where the salt was, as couldn't find it in the cabinet, I ended up opening a new one.  As I watched my cookies baking, I began to wonder why they didn't look quite right... All of the sudden it hit me like a lightening bolt...The salt!  My husband had poured the salt in one of the canisters on the counter... I only put sugar in the canisters... So today, I made Salt Cookies!  I used salt in place of the sugar!  (SIGH.....) I threw away the baked cookies and the cookie dough and began again.  When Scott came home, I asked him to please not put salt in the canisters anymore.   He agreed, and then he said, "You know, if this is the worst thing that happens to us today, then it is going to be a good day!"  Scott and Katie are a lot alike!  They look for the good and positive.  I love that!  I hope Katie always retains her happy positive attitude through out her life.
     Katie's tape came off her incision today - with a little help from Scott.  It looks good.  Scott says that when she is an adult it will be a small scar.  The reminder will always be there though.  I wonder what other kind of "scars" Katie will have from all of this.  I know this will have some effect her in some ways.  I hope it helps her to have more compassion and concern for others.  I hope it "softens' her rather than "hardens" her.  She still has so much to go through.  It has been a long hard journey, and there is still a lot of road ahead!  It has finally all caught up to me I guess.  My body seems to be revolting.  My body is out of balance.  I am not sleeping at night...at all.  Scott was the first to notice.  He told me I wasn't sleeping very well, so I started to pay attention at night.  I noticed I was awake and aware a lot of the night.  After we talked about it however, it was like the power of suggestion got to me... I stopped sleeping all together.  I haven't slept at night or even been able to nap during the day.  I have tried multiple sleeping pills (natural to prescription) and I have had two blessings.  Last night I tried a new "pill" and slept at least part of the night.  Thankfully!!!  I hadn't had any (REM) sleep in a week or more and I was barely able to function yesterday - physically and mentally.  I am still dragging today, but I feel better with having had a little sleep. - But no big surprise that I mistook salt for sugar!  (I might have done that anyway, even if I wasn't tired!)
     Katie is doing well, we go in for treatments this next Wednesday.  We love to see her hair growing.  It makes us all smile!  Scott is going back on "shift" (24 hour shifts) at the fire station.  He has been working "days" since Katie got sick and we are grateful to the Department for allowing Scott to do so!  It has been such a help and blessing to have Scott home every night.  I worry a little about him going back on shift, I certainly will miss having him home every night!  I am grateful to Scott for being willing to work a desk job and sacrificing for Katie and our family.  He is a good dad and husband and I am grateful!  I have felt the "worry" lately of wanting to be a good parent.  I recognize the importance and responsibility of teaching my children, yet I do not want to be "weighed down" by the worry, and let that rob me of today's strength and joy.  Thank goodness for the grace of God!  Oh, how I rely upon that power, and I feel I need to draw upon that power more and more each day.   
   "Should there be anyone who feels he is too weak to do better because of that greatest of fears, the fear of failure, there is no more comforting assurance to be had than the words of the Lord: 'My grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them' (Ether 12:27)."  (Thomas S. Monson, "Our Sacred Priesthood Trust," Ensign, May 2006, 57).