Day 475

     Katie had a low grade fever twice this week (on Monday and Friday).  Both times, we braced ourselves for having to go to the hospital - but we prayed we wouldn't have to.  And both times, we were blessed to have Katie's temperature go back down to normal.  We are glad we did not have to go to the hospital!  Katie has a runny nose and a little cough, so unfortunately I guess we will have to keep her home again this week.  I was hoping to let her go to church and school, but Scott said we still need to wait.  I feel like she is missing out on so much, but I know Scott is right, it isn't worth the risk - we need to keep her home.
     Katie has a very sunny disposition, and her "yellow" personality always shines through.  She has daily taken to asking, "What can we do today that will be really, really, really fun?"  (Which isn't an easy thing to answer when we are "stuck" at home- so we have been playing a lot of make believe!)  Katie is all about fun and games.  She loves to laugh and she can find humor in almost any situation.  She is the comic relief in our home, and she is fun to be around.
     On the front cover of last weeks edition of the Deseret News, there was an article entitled, "What About Me?"  The article talks about how siblings of kids with serious illnesses face their own challenges.  The article states, "Serious illness seldom settles only on one child.  It engulfs and changes brothers and sisters, too.  Experts say if the 'other' children are not handled with care, results can be as devastating as the disease that started it all."  Scott & I have been aware of this from the beginning, and we have gone to great lengths to ensure that Conner and Nathan have had time and attention from us too.  It has been a challenge.  There are times when through necessity Katie takes priority.  However, we have tried to make Nathan and Conner the priority when a need arises.  It has required some juggling - and sacrificing.  Scott and I have been worn thin, at times, just trying to make sure all our kids are okay. 
     Katie's illness has changed us - all of us.  At times, Nathan has said he has felt like burden.  Conner has been very traumatized by everything that has happened in the past year or two - especially in the beginning, when Katie was in the hospital so much, and Scott and I were gone so much.  Conner has come a long way though, but he still doesn't like to let me out of his sight much, and he worries a lot.  To some degree, we have all been shaped and are being reshaped by Katie's cancer.  It is hard to know how all of this has effected Katie.  She was only 2 years old when she was diagnosed.  But there is no doubt Katie has been, and will be, changed by all she is going through.  When I think back to how she was one year ago - her hair had fallen out and she was pumped full of steroids and she was getting weekly chemo treatments - it breaks my heart!  And I pray she will not relapse and have to go through that again.  It hurts to look at pictures of her - with her shaved head and puffy face - and remember how it was when she stopped talking, walking, smiling, and when all she could do was lay in my arms and moan.  But I am so grateful for the miracles and blessings we have had.  I rejoice in how she looks and acts now.  I revel in her laughter and energy. 
     The article in the newspaper also translated disease-specific numbers into something familiar like "kids and classrooms."  The nation's average is 25 children in a classroom.  "The 13,400 new cases of cancer diagnosed in kids this year would fill 536 classrooms that size.  You could fill 54 a year with children who won't survive cancer, often after years of illness."  ...54 classrooms a year of children who won't survive... That is heartbreaking!  And it makes me cry every time I think about it.  However, the article also reminded me of how blessed we are.  The paper had a graph chart from the American Childhood Cancer Organization.  In 1997 only 58% of children with ALL survived 5 years out, compared to an 87%  survival rate in 2001.  All of the childhood cancers have shown an increase in survival rates!  How grateful I am (once again) that Katie was born in 2009 and not in 1999!  We are blessed and we are so grateful that Katie is doing so well!...And Conner & Nathan too.