Well, that's interesting... Somehow I was off count by 39 days (my last post date was "Day 769" and today is supposed to be "Day 730"). My miscounting days on the blog is perhaps somewhat insightful of this past year. Last year, I managed to end the year exactly on "Day 365." ...Maybe the days have just seemed longer, or have multiplied as time has gone on... I don't know. (Maybe it is that I have been waking up at 3 a.m. to feed Katie her "middle of the night snack" for too long, and I am a little tired and fuzzy in my thinking.) But we are at 2 years today - 730 days of battling Leukemia!
My heart is tender and my mind and body are tired. I will not be able to write even a portion of what I feel. When this started, "2 years" seemed so long and terribly far away, and yet now here we are. Three more treatments to go, and then Katie will be done. It has been a long and difficult 2 years. Katie has been through so much - we all have - in our own way.
I love my husband. This morning I reminded him that today was the 2 year mark and he said, "It has been a good 2 years." My jaw dropped and I said, "Really?" To which he replied, "Yes, we have Katie, and we have been blessed, lots of good things have happened in the past 2 years." He is right. I am so thankful for Scott - his strength, his love, his support, his optimism. He always tends to see the good and I am so glad. Scott is constant, strong and steady. I am so grateful to be his wife, and to be able to walk hand in hand with him, sharing in the joys and the sorrows that life brings... He has helped pull me through!
I love Conner. That poor sweet boy has been through so much in his young life. So much trauma, conflict, confusion, and loss for such a little one (for anyone). Conner is strong, and he is rising above it all. He is loyal and his love runs deep. Conner loves his sissy Katie and I love him for that. He has held her hand and hugged her neck so many times during the past two years when Katie has needed her "Conner... Conner...Conner." He is a good boy. He lights up my life. His hugs can make anything better. He has a zest for life and a sense of adventure. He loves to know how things work and how they are made. He is all boy, but he is also incredibly sweet and sensitive. How I love that little man of mine!
I love Katie. She is full of strength and sunshine. She is always ready with a big smile, a tight hug, and kind loving words. She is nurturing and loving. She loves to laugh - and laugh heartily. She loves to learn and she loves to play. Katie is a helper - she likes to help cook, clean, fold clothes, and mop the floor. She loves to be good and do good. Katie is strong and courageous. She has endured much and she has endured it well. Her sweetness is beyond description, but oh, how sweet she is! She has filled our lives with love and laughter. She has been our sunshine through the rain. She has strengthened us and she has brought so much joy into our lives. Every day with her has been a gift. How blessed we are to have her!
I love my family for supporting and helping us through. My family came to my rescue when I was in need. I am grateful for all the many different ways they have shown love and support. I am so grateful that my mother is still alive and can listen - it has helped so much - to be able to talk to my mom. I have missed having my dad here to hold me - but I have felt his strength and love - helping us from the other side of the veil. I love friends, near and far, who have prayed for us and helped us. I love Scott's parents. I am so grateful to Marie (Scott's mom) for helping me, on a daily basis, when Katie was at her worst. We truly have been blessed and we are so grateful!
I love Heavenly Father. I am grateful for His promise, "I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." His promises are sure and true. He has blessed, watched over, and strengthened us. I am grateful for a living prophet who reminds us: "Our Heavenly Father, who gives us so much to delight in, also knows that we learn and grow and become stronger as we face and survive the trials through which we must pass. We know that there are times when we will experience heartbreaking sorrow, when we will grieve, and when we may be tested to our limits. However, such difficulties allow us to change for the better, to rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us, and to become something different from what we were - better than we were, more understanding than we were, more empathetic than we were, with stronger testimonies than we had before.
"Only the Master know the depths of our trials, our pain, and our suffering. He alone offers us eternal peace in times of adversity. He alone touches our tortured souls with His comforting words: "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.'
"Whether it is the best of times or the worst of times, He is with us. He has promised that this will never change.
"...May we have a commitment to our Heavenly Father that does not ebb and flow with the years or the crises of our lives...May we strive to be close to our Heavenly Father. To do so, we must pray to Him and listen to Him every day. We truly need Him every hour, whether they be hours of sunshine or of rain. May His promise ever be our watchword: "I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." ("I Will Not Fail Thee, nor Forsake Thee," Thomas S. Monson, Oct. 2013, Gen. Conference)
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