Day 312

     Katie has been on Maintenance for 2-3 months now.  Her blood levels have been a little bit high each time.  The treatment protocol is to have the patience's levels be not too high or too low.  Because Katie's levels have been up, the last time we were at the clinic, the doctor increased the amount of chemo we give her (in order to bring her levels down).  So, now on Fridays, instead of giving her 1/2 a pill, we give her 2 pills - along with the other 5 pills she takes (of a different type of chemo).  There has been a noticeable difference in Katie the past couple of weeks!  No one else would probably notice the difference in her, but we can tell a difference.  I almost called the clinic 3 times this week because I was so worried about her.  Katie will break out in a full body sweat at nap time and at bedtime - she will be drenched in sweat.  She has also been more tired, emotional, and weak.  A few times this week (including today) I have found her lying in her bed.  When I ask her what she is doing, she replies that she is tired and wants to take a nap.  She also fell asleep on the floor of her room once this week - she was pretending to put her "babies" down for a nap - and she fell asleep...it was 10:00 in the morning!  I keep having Scott check on her - check her heart rate, temperature, etc...  Scott assures me it is just the additional chemo "doing it's job...taking her down."  It has taken her down - and I don't like it!!  It worries me.  I don't like to see her feeling bad.  
     Although Katie may be a little "down," she is not "out."  She is going to Joy School on Monday and Wednesday mornings and she is LOVING it.   She also loves to go anywhere and everywhere with her daddy (even Home Depot).  Whereas Conner loves to stay at home with mommy - he says, "I'll stay home with you mom, so you won't miss me!"  Sometimes Conner thinks he wants to go with his dad, and he will get as far as Scott's truck, and then he will turn around and come back inside - he wants to stay with me.  Because Conner likes to stay with me so much, it has surprised us that he goes to preschool with no tears and no complaints - he won't even let us walk him to the school door - he wants to go by himself...  They are both growing up so fast!....and they are both so very sweet!  Katie's hair continues to grow - slowly - but she is loving it (we still can't get a clip or bow to stay in it yet, but we try sometimes anyway).
     I read this article "Forging the Soul" this morning, from the Church News (week of September 9, 2012, p.16).  I just happened upon it and I hadn't read it yet- and it was exactly what I needed today.  I am going to give excerpts of it. - "During the Middle Ages weaposnsmiths faced a challenging dilemma.  When crafting a sword, the typical blade could be hardened to hold a sharp edge but it was brittle and prone to shatter when hit by another sword or smashed against a shield or breastplate.  Alternately, a blade could be fashioned with soft metal to be almost unbreakable but the material would dull quickly and not hold a sharp edge.  It soon became useless in battle.
     "For hundreds of years the best sword makers in the world were found in Japan.  The reason for their superiority was the discovery of a technique that solved a problem: create a sword that would hold a sharp edge during battle but remain virtually indestructible.  The process consisted of combining layers of steel with different degrees of hardness.  It was a long and laborious process for the weapons forger because each layer had to be heated again and again, folded back on itself and hammered out thin.  After about a dozen times through the process, the steel would contain thousands of paper-thin laminations containing both hard and soft metal.  The newly forged weapon had both a hardness that could be sharpened to a fine edge and soft steel that dept the blade from breaking.
     "If we relate the development of our own soul to the art of Japanese sword making, we see a powerful correlation.  The furnace of affliction with its heat, hammering and sou-folding has the power to create an unshakable spirit.  At a moment of great trial and suffering in the prophet Joseph Smith's life, he petitioned the Lord to receive some sort of insight.  The Lord said, "...all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." (D&C 122:7).  The Savior uses trials for spiritual growth.
     "President Thomas S. Monson said, 'I bear to you my witness that [Heavenly Father] is there.  He does hear and answer every prayer.  His Son, the Christ, burst the bands of our earthly prisons.  Heaven's blessings await you" ("Miracles of Faith," Ensign, July 2004).
     "If we could understand the mind and will of God, we might be eternally grateful for the challenges we faced in mortality because of the growth we received.  Some soul growing can be attained by no other means.
     "The greatest of all the gifts of God is eternal life, said President Henry B. Eyring.  'For us to have that gift and to be given that trust, we must be transformed through making righteous choices where that is hard to do.'  The true test of life is not adversity but 'to see if we can endure difficulty.  It is to see if we can endure it well.  We pass the test by showing that we remembered Him and the commandments He gave us.  And to endure well is to keep those commandments whatever the opposition, whatever the temptation and whatever the tumult around us' (April 2009 general conference, "Adversity").
     "...Elder M. Russell Ballard suggested, "Just do the very best you can each day.  Do the basic things and, before you realize it your life will be full of spiritual understanding that will confirm to you that your Heavenly Father loves you.  When a person knows this, then life will be full of purpose and meaning, making balance easier to maintain" (April 1987 general conference, "Keeping Life's Demands in Balance").
    "We must never forget that our Heavenly Father is not out to destroy us by testing us.  We have an apostolic promise.  "In the school of mortality, the tutor is often pain and tribulation, but the lessons are meant to refine and bless us and strengthen us, not to destroy us," Elder Robert D. Hales said.  'There is nothing that we are enduring that Jesus does not understand, and He waits for us to go to our Heavenly Father in prayer.  I testify that if we will be obedient and if we are diligent, our prayers will be answered, our problems will diminish, our fears will dissipate, light will come upon us, the darkness of despair will be dispersed and we will be close to the Lord and feel of His love and of the comfort of the Holy Ghost.' (April 1998 general conference; "Behold, We count Them Happy Which Endure," Ensign, May 1998).
     "Let us, as our own souls are being forged, be patient with God, ourselves and others.  We are under the training regimen of the heavens.  Elder Jeffery R. Holland said, 'It is not without a recognition of life's tempests but fully and directly because of them that I testify of God's love and the Savior's power to calm the storm...They sustain us in our hour of need - and always will, even if we cannot recognize that intervention.  some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come' (October 1999 general conference, "An High Priest of Good Things to Come," Ensign, November 1999).
     "When we endure a trial faithfully without breaking our standing with God, our souls are strengthened, the Lord delivers an equal or greater blessing and we demonstrate He can trust us.  President Monson declared. 'Though the storm clouds may gather, though the rains may pour down upon us, our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our Saviour will comfort and sustain us and bring joy to our hearts as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments.  There will be nothing in this world that can defeat us...fear not. Be of good cheer.  The future is as bright as your faith" (April 2009 general conference, "Be of Good Cheer")." --End of article.
     While I was typing this, I remembered an experience I had with Katie this week.  One day, as we were driving in the car, I was commenting about being "mad" about something.  To which Katie replied, "Don't be mad mom...today is a happy day...think a happy thought."  - Yes, Katie I said, "Think a happy thought."  - She is something else that girl! =)  I am glad to have her as my daughter... She is my happy thought!...and Conner too.