Yesterday I commented to Scott, "This felt like the longest week ever!" To which Scott replied, "Boy, ain't that the truth!" Then I said, "But can you believe Katie is already due for chemo again this week?" Scott raised his eyebrows in surprise. "It is strange how it can feel like the longest week ever - in what feels like the shortest month ever!"
I took Katie to the clinic last week to have her ANC checked (because when I took her in the prior week, her numbers had dropped so much, they wanted to check her again - they were afraid of her numbers dropping any lower and her ending up in the hospital). However, it turns out Katie's numbers sky rocketed up. So, no worries there. Just up, down, up, down. Crazy. Katie goes to the clinic this week (on Thursday) for chemo. Katie is covered with a bad rash (from head to toe practically) we think it is due to the daily steroids she is on (sweating). Katie runs around without any clothes - she is so hot and bothered by the rash - we try to keep some clothes on her, but we find her more often than not just in her birthday suit.
When Katie and I were at the clinic last week, I told Dr. Dana, all the things the new things the Endocrinologist had told us, and the additional meds and interventions we are trying for Katie, - because, "Katie's little body just can't tolerate the chemo treatments." Dr. Dana looked at me very empathetically and said, "Do you want to stop her treatments?" The nurse in the room just about fell over! I was stunned and I didn't know what to say... so I said, "What are you talking about? Katie still has 5 months left!" The nurse piped in and said, "Five months!" Dr. Dana said, "I know, but you just seem so miserable. This was supposed to be the easy part. And nothing has been easy for you guys... If we stop, we do run the risk of the Leukemia coming back, but I feel so bad for you, and Katie seems so miserable, and it has been so hard... Do you want to stop?" I told her, "No way! I could put up with everything we were going through for 5 more months, rather than risk Katie's cancer comeing back. - Katie's cancer may come back anyway, but if we were to stop treatment early and her cancer came back we would never forgive ourselves. We will see this through, and do all we can to try and ensure the cancer is gone.
And if you can believe it, even with all that we have tried, Katie is still having Hypoglycemia (low blood sugars). If you remember, the doctor had me switch from feeding her at 3 am to 4 am. However, this week, Katie awoke me with a whimper (I am a light sleeper) at 3:15 am. I went in her room to check on her. All Katie could do was roll over and reach out her arm to me. I touched her arm and knew - she was sweaty and clammy - she was having a low blood sugar! I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't of woken up... My alarm would have gone off at 4 to feed her... But how low would her sugar have gone during that time?... It is always a worry. I contacted the Endocrinologist and we have added another (very expensive) medication morning and night - we will see if that helps - along with everything else we are doing!
Kindergarten has proven to be a challenge - for Conner and me - in a multitude of ways - tears have been shed by both of us - for various reasons. The back to school germs got us. Conner got a little sick, and then me, and then Katie. I am grateful and glad that I am the only who ended up with a fever. That was a tender mercy. The last thing we needed was for Katie to get a fever and end up in the hospital! Katie and I still have stuffy noses and coughs, so we aren't out of the woods yet. I can only hope she gets better...
Scott's dad goes in for his surgery to remove his cancer and a kidney this week (on Friday) - finally. Scott is also taking a Biology class right now, which is time consuming, challenging, and stressful. So we have a lot going on. Our plates are full.
I liked the quote I read this week by Chieko N. Okazaki: "If you are the one who is experiencing the problem, you can pray for an easing of the burden, even if you cannot be delivered from it. And this step is particularly applicable if you know about a problem someone else is experiencing. You may not know how to solve someone's problem. You may not know how to help that person solve her own problem. There may not be a way for the problem to be solved. There may not even be a way to talk about the problem and to share your sympathy directly with that person. But you can pray for her deliverance. You can remember her in your morning and evening prayers and lift your heart to the Lord during the day, in love and compassion and the desire that she will be delivered."
One of the parts that stood out to me most was, "There may not be a way for the problem to be solved." There isn't always a solution, or a way for things to be fixed. I know this. I have come face to face with this. I am grateful for the reminder to pray for the burden to be eased, if it is not possible to be delivered.
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