Day 409

       Katie went for her check-up yesterday (it was switched from Wednesday to Thursday).  Anyway, Katie's number's all look great and the doctor said her lungs sound great!  So, we will get to keep our holiday plans!  We are so glad! - Glad that we get to keep our plans, but mostly glad that Katie is better! 
     Nathan is also better...but now I am sick.  I know, we seem to just go around and around here, but each of us has been sick with totally different things - which is odd!  I am on antibiotics now, so hopefully we are all past any sicknesses, and we will all be well during the holidays.
     In talking about some regrets many people have when dying, President Dieter F. Uctdorf said the following:
     "Another regret of those who knew they were dying may be somewhat surprising. They wished they had let themselves be happier.

     "So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial.

     "The older we get, the more we look back and realize that external circumstances don’t really matter or determine our happiness.

     "We do matter. We determine our happiness.

     "You and I are ultimately in charge of our own happiness.

     "...We shouldn’t wait to be happy until we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available—all the time! Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect. “This is the day which the Lord hath made … ,” the Psalmist wrote. “Rejoice and be glad in it.”

     "Brothers and sisters, no matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish. There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it.

     "Perhaps we should be looking less with our eyes and more with our hearts. I love the quote: “One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.”

     "We are commanded “to give thanks in all things.” So isn’t it better to see with our eyes and hearts even the small things we can be thankful for, rather than magnifying the negative in our current condition?

     "The Lord has promised, “He who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold.”

     "Brothers and sisters, with the bountiful blessings of our Heavenly Father, His generous plan of salvation, the supernal truths of the restored gospel, and the many beauties of this mortal journey, “have we not reason to rejoice?”

     "Let us resolve to be happy, regardless of our circumstances" (Of Regrets and Resolutions, Ensign, Nov. 2012).

Day 403

      Katie's cough seemed worse yesterday, but today (for the first time) it seems better.  We are glad about that!  She is still really weak and tired.  Although, I am sure the steroids and chemo are partly to blame for that.  Katie is having to take a lot of medications right now, which isn't any fun for her (or us).  But we are glad to be home!  
     Last week gave us a scare.  We feel so very blessed that Katie is getting better.  Once again, we are thankful to live in a day and age when there are hospitals and medications available.  We are also thankful to live near family.  Scott's parents took care of Nathan and Conner for us when Scott was working - and they did whatever else needed doing.  We are grateful for all of your prayers!  And we are thankful for the dinners that were dropped off (Nathan was especially grateful for this!)  
     Speaking of Nathan, he just walked in from an all day (out of town) wrestling tournament... and he has a fever of 102.6!  From his symptoms, I would say he has the flu.  Not good - for him, Katie, or us!...  
     The school shooting in Connecticut has been difficult to comprehend, and our hearts break for the families who lost children and loved ones.  I find comfort in this quote: "Our task is not to decipher exactly how all of life's pieces fit and what it all means, but to remain faithful and obedient to Him who knows all mysteries"  (Dr. James Dobson).

Day 401

     We got another surprise today...We got to come home!  We just got home around an hour ago, about 4:30 p.m.  I wanted to write this before I crashed.  It has been a long 7 days.  We had some very scary moments - and just a scare overall.   But we are glad to be home!  Katie's fungal test came back negative - and we feel very blessed!  We are still waiting the results of the valley fever test. 
     Katie's numbers were all very good today, so the doctor let us come home.  Scott is picking up her antibiotic right now.  She will be on an antibiotic 3 times a day for the next 7 days.  We will be taking her into the clinic for a check-up next Wednesday.  We are hoping all will go well.
     Katie has had 2 IV's for the past week.  This was very hard on Katie because they put hand guards on her hands, (which Katie calls casts) and she hasn't been able to feed herself, color, or play.   Yesterday afternoon they removed one of the IV's and hand guards.  At 4:00 a.m. this morning, after I took her to the bathroom for what seemed like the 100th time, I put her back in bed and then went to wash my hands.  When I walked back into the room, Katie was lying on her bed smiling.  I asked her what she was smiling about, and she said, "Isn't it great that I have one of my hands back!!" I smiled at her and told her, "Yes, that is great!"  She said, "Yah, now I can feed myself cereal and stuff."
     I think it is great that after everything she has gone through in the past week (year), she can wake up at 4 in the morning, and still find something to be glad about.  She is a "Pollyanna!"  She is an inspiration and we love her.  (The bummer of it all was that at 5 a.m. the nurse messed up the one IV Katie had left, so they had to remove it and put in another one). 
     It has been a difficult week for her (and us) but we feel very blessed things have gone as well as they have.  She is home, she has two hands back now...and she is playing and smiling.  And that is "great!"

Day 400

     Katie had the cat-scan last night at 10 p.m.  The doctor showed us pictures of the scan today. Katie has something going on in the lower portion of one of her lungs.  It is either a partial collapse or it is pneumonia.  They are going to treat it as if it is pneumonia.  If Katie does not improve or spikes another fever, then they will do the scope.
     They are stoping some of the antibiotics today and starting Katie back on her chemo.  They want to see how she does.  The doctor had two more labs drawn today.  One to test for a fungal infection and the other to test for valley fever.  (A fungal infection would be devastating, and that has been our greatest fear this past week! - They do not think that is what it is, but they/we just want to make sure).  If all goes well, they said we could go home in a couple of days.
     Katie is looking and acting better.  She still has a bad cough though.  Today when the nurse came to draw labs, Katie cried over and over, "I'm scared Mommy, I'm scared....It hurts it hurts!"   It hurts me to see her go through this!  We will sure be glad when this is all over and we are home again!  Today we are glad Katie seems to be feeling better.  - Now, if we can just get her to eat!  Although she did start on her steroids today, so I am sure her not wanting to eat, will no longer be an issue in a day or two!  (As the "fun" of the steroids kicks in!)  Poor thing, she just can't seem to get a break....  I am not sure what this will do to our holiday plans of going home to New Mexico.  We will see how it all goes.  Again, we are just glad things seem to be going better today.

Day 399

     Today was a better day.  Katie did not get a fever and her breathing was better.   Although her cough is still hanging on.  We are glad she didn't have to get a cat-scan or scope.  We are grateful for all your prayers!  The prayers have helped.  The doctor put in an order for some chemo tomorrow.  Not all of her usual chemo, but some that they say won't drop her levels.
     Scott is off shift, so he is going to stay with Katie tonight, and I will go home with Conner.  Katie doesn't want me to leave (and I really don't want to leave) but I am pretty wiped out.  Plus, Conner told Katie, "We need to take turns with Mommy."
     Well, the doctor just came in and said Katie still isn't breathing the way he would like.  So they are going to go ahead with the cat-scan tomorrow.   They will hold off on all the chemo until we get the results back.

Day 398

     Katie's fever seems to have broken today.  So hopefully we are finally heading in the right direction.  Katie had her 3rd x-ray today.  The results were still inconclusive.  Our doctor consulted with several other doctors.  It could be phenomena, fungal, or a virus.  If Katie spikes another fever, or if she is still breathing hard tomorrow, they are wanting to do a cat-scan and also scope down into her lung.
     If she is better tomorrow, then I guess we are going to assume it is viral.  I think she is past having a fever (finally), but her cough still isn't any better.  I don't know what to expect.  As much as we don't want to be here, I am afraid to take her home with such a bad cough, and resume her chemo treatments.... They haven't given us any kind of timeline on anything, because it is just day to day decisions based on how she is doing.
     One thing is for sure, Katie is ready to be home.  She is done with being poked, having labs drawn, medications, etc....  Today we were glad Conner was able to come and spend a few hours with us (rather than just a quick hi and bye).  We have missed him!  When Katie gets poked she always cries for her Daddy and Conner.  She will repeat over and over, "Daddy, Daddy, I want you Daddy!  Conner, Conner, I want you Conner!"  (And then she cries, "Owie Mommy owie, no Mommy no!"  -- It's not fun).  Conner asked if he could sleep here tonight too.  It is hard for him to understand all this.  And it is really hard for Katie to understand all of this!
     We are grateful for your prayers!  Please keep praying for Katie.

Day 397

     Katie's fever continued throughout the night.  We thought her fever broke today, but she got another fever this afternoon.  Her heart rate continues to be high and her breathing laborious.  She has been very pale, although she seems to have perked up a little bit tonight.  Her cough isn't any better.
     Her second chest x-ray came back showing a growth of something in the lower part of one of her lungs.  They are going to take another x-ray tomorrow.  The doctor said they didn't know what it is - anything is possible at this point.  It could be no big deal or it could be a big deal.  We will just see what tomorrow brings.
     Today I am glad my mom is still alive and I can talk to her.  Sometimes you just need your mom.
   UPDATE: Fever again at 9 p.m.  I suppose this will continue through the night again - just like the continuous blood draws, medications, and vital checks....