Day 134

     As predicted, yesterday morning was difficult for Katie.  I am glad for the support Katie and I had.  My husband, Scott, and my sister-in-law, Janna, came with us to the clinic.  Janna stayed with Katie and I for the day.  It was another long one!  My brother, Scott, and my mom took care of Conner.  I am grateful to Scott and Janna for taking time away from "their" family to help with "mine".
     Katie seemed okay last night.  She woke up in a cold sweat from a nap she had in the late afternoon, but other than that, she seemed to do okay.  I expect it all to catch up with her in a couple of days.  She is off the steroids for this week, thankfully!  It will take her a few days to let that get out of her system.  Then Katie will start steroids again next week, after our next appointment - which will be on Thursday rather than Wednesday because Katie's doctor isn't working on Wednesday.  I am glad Katie will have the extra day to recoup.
     I am tired.  Scott is tired.  Emotionally tired.  Physically tired.  I am tired of cancer.  I am tired of appointments.  I am tired of things being hard.  I am tired of the stress and the worry.  I am tired of seeing Katie hurt.  I am tired of coping.  I am tired.  There are no days "off" with cancer.  It's not like we can just go on vacation and forget it.  I am not feeling sorry for myself, I am just tired.  But... Katie just woke up, and she did so with a BIG smile on her face.  If she can do it, so can I!  So...on we go.
     "All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God." (Orson F. Whitney (quote), Tragedy or Destiny, 4).  I do believe my heart will now always be more tender.  My empathy for others has enlarged.  I pray I will ever after be more charitable and more worthy to be called His child.