Day 264

     Katie is doing well.  She looks good and is feeling good.  Well, she is felling good other than yesterday when she got car sick as we were driving home from Heber.  I had given Katie and Conner Dramamine on the drive up, but I had opted to not give it to them on the drive home.  I didn't won't to "over" medicate them - unless it was needed.  I thought I would just keep an eye on them to see how they were doing, and...that didn't work very well!  When car sickness hits - it hits!  About halfway home from Heber, Conner grabbed his stomach and started screaming.  As I was giving him a Dramamine, Scott asked if Katie should get some too.  I told him, "No, she seems okay."  A few minutes later we pulled over to let Conner walk around in the hopes he would not throw-up.  Katie hadn't complained of feeling sick, so she stayed in the car with me.  About five minutes after getting back on the road, Katie threw-up!  Okay, so apparently they both need Dramamine every time we make that drive!
     Scott's parents recently bought a cabin up in Heber.  So we will be making the drive often.  It is so nice to have a place to get away!  We love going to the mountains.  However, this past weekend did not prove to be very relaxing.  The first morning we were there, Conner tripped and hit his head on a door post and had to get 5 stitches in his forehead!  Later that day he fell from a picnic table and narrowly missed hitting the back of his head on another table.  The next day we went fishing by a lake, and Conner slipped on some rocks in the water and scraped up his leg, arm, and hand.  He also got sunburned, because he didn't want to put his shirt back on.  Later that night he ran into a table and badly bruised his knee.  And then there was the drive home (car sickness).... In between all of that though, we had a nice time.
     Last Wednesday we took Katie to the clinic for a check-up.  Instead of using her port, they poked her in the hand to get the blood they needed to run tests.  They easily found a vein and got the blood they needed, but it wasn't any easier than using the port.  Katie was very upset (it took 3 of us to hold her while the nurse put the needle in and drew the blood).  We were told we will soon be getting Katie's port removed.  -- Katie still has a mark on her hand from where they drew the blood.  It hurts me to see that, knowing we will be doing that every month for the next year and a half.  It is also strange getting used to the idea that we are giving her medication every single day for the next year and a half.  There are no breaks from it.   Although as I said, Katie is doing very well at taking her medicine.  We crush up her medication in a teaspoon, add a little juice, and then suck it up in a syringe.  This past week Katie asked if she could give the medicine to herself.  So, she now holds the syringe and gives it to herself.  We hate all the chemo and medication she has to take, but we are glad she is able to take her medication without a fight or complaint!
     A good friend of mine (who lives in California) called me last week, and she said something that hit me hard, and that I had never quite considered in this way.  She mentioned how great it was that I had Katie now, instead of having her 20 years ago.  I sometimes forget how old I am!  I could have had my children 20 years ago -  I am 45 years old, 20 years ago, I would have been 25.  If I had had Katie 20 years ago, she most likely would have died from the Leukemia.  (A doctor told me in the beginning: "If we give your daughter the same medication we gave patience 20 years ago, your daughter would not live.")  That is such a strange thing to think about!  I don't know exactly what was meant to be or not be.  If I had gotten married earlier, maybe my daughter wouldn't have had Leukemia - maybe... But one thing I know for sure is that because I did get married 20 years later, and had Katie 20 years later, she has a 90% chance to live verses a 3% chance to live.  That has been such a strange but amazing insight.  Maybe there are more reasons to "why" I got married later in life than I have could have ever before possibly realized.... All those painful years I spent alone, now play a huge part in the very reason why my daughter will live - and her living will save me from an even greater pain than what I had gone through before.  What was once seen as a huge trial in my life, can now been seen as a great blessing, when viewed from a different perspective... No matter what or when - or what was foreordained or not - I am so grateful for the husband I have and the children I have.  I am grateful (that if I were to have a daughter with Leukemia) that I have been blessed to have her now when there is such a great chance of a cure for her.   
       M. Russell Ballard has said: “My message to you today, my brothers and sisters, is simply this: the Lord is in control. He knows the end from the beginning. He has given us adequate instruction that, if followed, will see us safely through any crisis. His purposes will be fulfilled, and someday we will understand the eternal reasons for all of these events. Therefore, today we must be careful to not overreact....but what we must do is keep the commandments of God and never lose hope!” (“The Joy of Hope Fulfilled,” Ensign, Nov. 1992, 31).