Katie went to the clinic/hospital yesterday for another spinal tap and IV chemo. We have been doing this regularly for a year now, and it hasn't gotten any easier.
Katie sobbed when she found out where we were going. And then she cried even more when it was time to get her "poke." I teared up when they were wheeling Katie & I down the hall just prior putting her asleep for her procedure. I sit on a bed and hold Katie while they put her to sleep. Once she is under, I quickly slide out of the bed and the nurse ushers us out. It is hard. It doesn't seem to get easier. (Scott says he thinks it has gotten easier, he says Katie and I don't get as upset as we used too - I don't know about that...it doesn't feel easier! - I am always glad to have Scott there with us, that does make it "easier").
As usual, I was holding Katie in my arms as she was waking up from the anesthesia. Once again she was looking past me when she awoke. I asked her if there were angels with her and she confirmed there were. I asked her if she wanted a drink and she declined. She said she was hungry. I told her she needed to drink first, and I again offered her a drink, to which she again declined. She looked past me again. I asked her if the angles were still there and she shook her head "yes." I asked her if Papa was there (my dad) and she again shook her head "yes." (Prior to the procedure, I prayed she would have angels attending her, and asked that my dad be there, if it was possible). Later, when she was fully awake, she still said there had been angels there, but she couldn't remember details. I don't know the details, but I do believe she had angels ministering to her. I am always glad for ministering angels!
If there was such a thing as cheerleaders for a family, our family has several of them. Today, I had 3 of those "cheerleaders" cheer us on as we move on into this "next year" of Katie's treatments. My mom called me tonight to see how we were all doing - she has been a constant support for us and I am so grateful to her. I also got two cards in the mail today for my nieces, Tebbanie & Natasha. They have been constant source of support, love and encouragement. I am deeply grateful to them. I am going to quote the quotes they sent me today.
"When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves" (Viktor Frankl - and Tebbanie).
Natasha's quote came from General Conference 2011. "I know that your quest...may seem overwhelming at times. Please do not become discouraged with your progress. I think back on my experience hiking with my children. We agreed that every time we stopped to catch our breath, rather than focusing exclusively on how much farther we needed to go, we would immediately turn around and look down the mountain. We would take in the scenery and say to each other, "Look how far we've come." Then we would take a deep breath, quickly turn, face uphill, and start climbing again one step at a time" (Matthew O. Richardson, Oct. 2011). I am grateful for those perspectives, as we look back on this past year, and see how far we have come! --Thank you!
I cannot believe it has been a year. I remember this month so vividly. I remember getting the message and trying so desperately to talk to you. Just to hear your voice and know that you were ok. Thanksgiving was bittersweet for me, as that was the night I finally talked to you. I remember just feeling so happy to hear that you were surviving all of this, but tears burning my eyes because you were having to survive all this. You have come so far this past year. You have grown in ways that have made you an even stronger woman. Your faith has even grown over this year. Which, to be honest, I didn't think your faith could grow anymore than it already was! You have always been such an inspiration to me Anndrea and you have become an even stronger source to me. I am sure others feel the same way. How I wish you did not have to go through all of this. That sweet Katie did not have to suffer through all of this. But because of this sacrifice you have been able to minister to so many people who read this post. You have even touched the hearts of those you meet on the street and at the clinic. The Lord has always shined so brightly through you Anndrea and He does so even more now.
ReplyDeleteYou and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Kelly