Day 559

      Katie has had a better week overall.  For that, we are glad and thankful!  I wish I could just end todays blog at that... However, Katie had 2 low glucose levels this week (Wednesday and Saturday).  So, even with a carbohydrate and protein bedtime snack and 2 tsps of corn starch, she is still having low blood sugar episodes.  When it happened on Wednesday morning, Scott said he didn't think he gave her "exactly" 2 tsps of corn starch the night before - and he said we should just be really careful to give her the full/exact amount.  We thought it was just kind of a fluke, but then on Saturday morning, Katie woke me by calling for me.  I could tell by the tone of her voice that she wasn't okay.  I went into her room, and I found her in her bed.  She was too weak to sit up, and she was in a full body sweat.  -- I thought (hoped) we were past this added worry of low blood sugars.  I had the same thought process Scott had - I knew I had given her the full amount of corn starch...but I found myself wondering if I had given her enough to eat, enough carbs, enough protein... I thought I had, but then I wasn't sure. 
      This low blood sugar issue has added additional stress and worry to our lives.  Since Katie needs to eat at bedtime, we have started giving her "night time" pills to her in the middle of the day, but there has to be a 4 hour window without any food (2 hours before meds & 2 hours after meds) - so basically that means no afternoon snack.  That is hard - especially when Conner wants an afternoon snack!  The trade off has been that Katie gets to eat a bedtime snack now - the only problem is, she doesn't always feel like eating at bedtime- and most especially, she doesn't always feel like eating a snack of carbs and protein!  I think it is so crazy that I am having to tell her she "has" to eat something before she goes to bed - and it "has" to be "this."  She is too young to fully understand why eating a couple of strawberries just isn't enough.
     Something else came up this week that reminded me of how young Katie is, and how young she was when this all started.  She was in her bed one night, and she was insisting she needed to get out of bed to look in a mirror at the scar on her chest (the scar where her port had been put in and taken out).  I told her the lights were already out and it was time to go to sleep.  Katie however, kept insisting.  When Scott came into the room, he asked what was going on, and I told him.  Scott asked Katie why she wanted to look at her scar.  Katie replied, "I want to see if my scar has gotten smaller - I want to see if my cancer is going away."  Oh!...  My heart sank!....  We explained to Katie about her port, about her scar, and about her cancer.  In short, we told her the cancer had been in her bones, and it was going away, and she was getting better.  Katie said, "Oh, okay..." and then she went to sleep.  I, on the other hand, was left wondering about it all.  It has been so much for such a little girl.
     Just the day before this conversation, Katie and I had another interesting conversation.  When I was putting her down for a nap, she looked over at me and said, "I am glad I haven't gone to heaven yet!"  And I said, "Well yah, I am glad too!"  --What thoughts go through her little 3 year old head!  What else does she not understand?  What does she understand?  I just wonder...
     Katie has had a rash for a few weeks now - since her last treatment - that won't seem to go away.  She has had this before, but it has been a long time since she has had this.  It it on her face, head, chest and back.  She scratches and scratches.  I feel so sorry for her!  We have given her allergy medication a few times, when the itching has gotten too bad, but we don't want to give it to her all the time - she is already on so many medications.  It will be good when this is all over with! -- I say it will be good, and it will be good...But along with ending the treatments comes the worry and the waiting - to see if the cancer is going to come back (I can't focus on that though).  In January -no more meds, no more chemo, no more treatments.  And hopefully no more corn starch, low blood sugars, rashes, etc..either.
      As an update on Scott's mom, she is still in the hospital - she has been there for well over a month - she is still on IV fluids only - her stomach still isn't working.  However, they have finally allowed her to sit up, the past few days, and even stand - putting weight on her good leg.  They are talking about doing surgery around the end of this month.  It has been rough for her, to say the least!  We are praying that she will heal quickly and fully.
     Today in church a young woman leaving on her mission, referenced a talk by Elder Bednar, in which a story was told of a young man who after returning home from his mission, got married, and then a month later was diagnosed with cancer.  When this man was offered a blessing, he was asked, "Do you have the faith not to be healed?"   What a thought provoking question!  It is one thing to have the faith to be healed - and quite another to have the faith not to be healed.  It is easy to accept the Lord's will in our lives, as long as it correlates with our own will and plans - but what if the Lord's plan and will is different than ours?  How strong will our faith be then?  Do we have the faith not to be healed?  Something to think about...