Day 669

     Katie and I stayed home from church today.  She was not feeling well enough to go.  Katie got her chemo last week - plus an IGG infusion - so we had a long day at the clinic.  (We got to see Ori - our little friend who relapsed - he was looking good, his hair was growing back in - it is always fun to see him).  The nurse had a hard time getting Katie's IV in, so Katie ended up getting 3 pokes that day.  On the upside of that, Katie and Conner got to pick a "big" toy out of the closet, because it was such a rough day.  
     Dr. Dana said 15 to 20% of patients have their hair fall out again.  They don't really know why.  Katie's hair most likely will not fall out all the way, but just thin out - a little or a lot.  We will just see what happens.  They gave Katie a book entitled, "I don't care if my hair falls out."  Everyone is concerned about Katie being older, and being more aware and sensitive to loosing her hair.  So far, her hair is still looking good, and I am glad. 
     We have an appointment tomorrow with a new Endocrinologist.  Dr. Dana referred us to her.  Dr. Dana used to work with her and said she felt like she would be a better fit - and help.  Dr. Dana was going to call her to fill her in on everything.  Dr. Dana does not think Katie's low blood sugars are related to her treatments.  She said they have only had one other patient with the same symptoms as Katie, and it turned out that patient had a genetic disorder (in addition to the Leukemia).  Dr. Dana said this Endocrinologist has a background in genetics, and if this doctor is unable to help us, she could refer us to a Geneticist.  
     Katie is on her monthly dose of steroids right now, and she is not feeling well.  She doesn't even want to swim - which says a lot.  Swimming has been the highlight of our summer.  I did not enroll Katie and Conner in swim lessons - after last years trauma with Conner and the "mean" swim teacher.  Plus, Katie has so many ups and downs, we would never have been able to get through the lessons.  So, I decided to be their swim teacher.  We have been swimming on a daily basis (except Sundays) and sometimes we even swim twice a day.  Katie and Conner have LOVED it!  And they have progressed so much.  They are quite the little fish.  They no longer need floaties, and they can both swim under water and float.  Our favorite swim days are the days Daddy can swim with us.  Conner says, "Daddy wins!  He is the best a throwing me up in the air like a rocket!"  When Scott is there, everything is, "Daddy, look at this, Daddy watch me, Daddy... Daddy..."  We have all had a really good time swimming together this summer.  Scott and I have never liked having a pool - it is such a huge worry, hassle, and expense - but this summer it has been worth it!  Swimming has made our summer fun.
     This is my scripture for the week, as we are dealing with some hard things (the fallout of Pandora's box being opened).  This is a hard one, but an important one: "But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you." (Luke 6:27-30)  I have found it is hard to forgive - especially as it the trouble continues to swirl and remains constant.  However, I believe forgiveness can come with time and distance - someday when there is time and distance.  For now, I struggle with bitterness.  How to not become bitter while bitter things happen, and are said, and done.  Focusing on Katie and Conner helps.  I want to be happy - for them.  I want to be strong - for them.  I want to be peaceable - for them.  I want my home to be a refuge - for them.  I want to be an example - for them.  I pray for a soft heart, peace, and strength.