Day 118

     Katie is doing okay, not great, but okay.  We think her "counts" will come within the normal range tomorrow (just the low end of normal).  So, we are expecting to proceed with her next phase of treatment in the morning.
   Tomorrow Katie will get another Lumbar Puncture (spinal tap) of chemo and she will also be given 2 additional doses of chemo in her port.  Katie will also be starting on steroids again, double doses each day (am and pm).  She will do the steroids for 7 days and then go off for 7 days and then back on for another 7 days.  So, the effects of the steroids won't be as intense as they were last time, but she (and we) will still experience the effects. 
     After tomorrow, Katie will go back 5 days later (next Monday), to get another treatment of chemo, and then again, 2 days later on Wednesday, for a different dose of chemo.  (Lots of chemo in a short period of time!  Plus steroids!!)  During this phase, she will be doing some different types of chemo, that we haven't done before.  Because of the new types of chemo she will be doing, she will need additional testing done, to ensure that her organs aren't being damaged (as these types of chemo can damage her heart, liver, kidneys, etc..) 
     This particular phase lasts 8 weeks - probably longer if her counts go low, then they have to delay treatment and it will drag out longer than the 8 weeks.  We have been told to expect that.  We have also been told this will be a particularly hard phase, the second half, being the hardest.  Obviously, this is not something we have been looking forward to, but we will go forward with faith.
     "Therefore it is of faith, that it might be by grace" (Romans 4:16).  Neal A. Maxwell assures us that Jesus Christ will help us through our afflictions: "When we take Jesus' yoke upon us, this admits us eventually to what Paul called the 'fellowship of Christs sufferings'.  Whether illness or aloneness, injustice or rejection,...our comparatively small-scale sufferings, if we are meek, will sink into the very marrow of the soul.  We then better appreciate not only Jesus' sufferings for us, but also His matchless character, moving us to greater adoration and even emulation.  Alma revealed that Jesus knows how to succor us in the midst of our griefs and sicknesses precisely because Jesus has already borne our griefs and sicknesses (Alma 7:11-12).  He knows them firsthand; thus His empathy is earned.  Of course, we do not comprehend it fully any more than we understand how He bore all mortal sins, but His atonement remains the rescuing and reassuring reality" (CR 1997).
     "Ah Lord God!  behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm and there is nothing too hard for thee" (Jeremiah 32:17).  "God is my strength and my power" (2 Samuel 22:33).  I found these scriptures this morning and take comfort in them.  Because of some things going on in the peripheral of our life, my anxiety has increased, and I woke up today feeling overwhelmed, anxious and afraid.  Scott told me to "Let it go".  I said, "Oh Scott, I wish I could!"  I have been teaching Conner how to use scissors - how to cut and paste.  Wouldn't it be great if we could do the same in our own lives?  Cut and paste things we do and do not want in our life.  I wish it were that simple.  Scott told me to pray and turn it over to God, to tell Him I can't do it all, or deal with it all - to turn it over to Him.  I followed my husbands counsel. 
     Today I am glad for a good husband.  I am glad "nothing is too hard" for God.  I know He is "my strength and my power".  Katie just woke up and couldn't make it down the stairs by herself, so she called to me, "Mommy I need you!"  Yes, Katie needs me, and oh, how I need Our Father!  I am grateful He responded to my "call", just as I responded to Katie's.  I am grateful for the assurances given me today through my husband, scriptures and prayer!