Day 132

     We were at the clinic for six hours yesterday.  I wasn't expecting it to be such a long visit, but it was.  It was a hard day.  We go back tomorrow for two more doses of chemo.  The steroids are also taking their toll on Katie.      
     Although, I do have a funny story.  Katie gets certain cravings while on steroids.  For some reason, this time, she craves a balsamic vinaigrette salad dressing I make (and I make it with extra balsamic vinegar - so it has a very strong flavor).  Katie requests this dressing several times a day and has several helpings it, along with a glass of milk.  Katie doesn't want salad with the dressing, or celery, or crackers or bread, or anything like she normally would eat it.  She wants the dressing put on a plate and she says, "I want to lick it like a dog."  Me: "You want to lick it like a dog?"  Katie: "Yes, I want to lick it like a dog!"  Me: "Uhhh...okay" (I can reason with Katie, but no one can reason with Katie on steroids!)  So on a plate it is - and she licks it "like a dog".  She alternates licking with a sip of milk.  She licks and then says, "Whew, that's spicy!"  Then she takes a drink, licks again, says that again, and takes another drink.  This happens multiple times a day.  It is quite a funny thing to watch.
     How is Katie doing?  It is hard to say.  She looks good.  Her eyes look sick.  She is extremely moody.  She is sweet.  She is weak.  She is strong.  She is determined.  She is lethargic.  She is happy.  She is sad.  She is playful.  She just lays there.  It is a mix of things right now.  It is a roller coaster for her and us.  She is brave and courageous.  Katie has such a wonderfully sweet and soft disposition.  She has taken all of this on with an amazing amount of grace and strength.  Today I am glad for her example.  Katie is an amazing child - she has an amazing spirit within her.  I feel so honored and privileged to be her mother.
     "Tests and trials are given to all of us.  These mortal challenges allow us and our Heavenly Father to see whether we will exercise our agency to follow His Son....Does this mean we will always understand our challenges?  Won't all of us, sometime, have reason to ask, 'O God, where art thou?'  Yes!... Yes, 'weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.' Then, in the dawn of our increased faith and understanding, we arise and choose to wait upon the Lord saying, 'Thy will be done'...."In my 'Gethsemane' and yours, we are not alone.  He that watches over us 'shall neither slumber nor sleep.'..."They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."(Isaiah 40:31) (Elder Robert D. Hales, Waiting Upon the Lord: Thy Will Be Done, Ensign, November 2011, 72-73).