Day 146

     Katie's color is looking a little better.  When I said she was white, I mean she was white, everywhere.  There was no pink to the palms of her hands or bottoms of her feet, she had no color anywhere.  The pink has returned to her hands and feet and she isn't as pale as she was.  I am glad for that.    However, Katie took two naps again yesterday and moaned off and on.  She is picking at her fingers and lips again, until they bleed.  The only play time she had was for 5-10 minutes last night, when she wanted to build a "birdhouse" with blocks (which was not easy because her hands (and legs) are trembling so badly from the steroids).  The rest of the day Katie lay on the bed or had me hold her. 
     Katie has not been attempting the stairs lately.  Although, last night she started up the stairs in front of me.  I almost grabbed her, but then I thought better of it.  She knows what she can and can not do, better than I do, and I do not want to limit her.  However, after struggling up just two stairs, Katie half turned to me and said, "I don't think I can do it."  That crushed me!  Katie with her strong will and positive determination, the girl who can even when she can't - last night, just couldn't.  This is so hard!!  It has been such an up and down roller coaster.
     The good news is our refrigerator was able to be repaired.  The bad news is Scott's truck needs a new motor.  Last night about 7:00, I told Scott he looked like he had been hit by a train (he looked so tired and strained)....and then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror - I don't look any better!  I get a bit startled sometimes when I see myself in the mirror.  The strain of this past year has taken it's toll - on both of us.  I have thought about Elder Rasband's talk.  In which he talked of ministering angels on both sides of the veil helping us.  I know Scott's mom doesn't read this blog, but I need to acknowledge her help to us.  She has been a ministering angel to us, on this side of the veil.  She has kept my head above water.  She comes in and helps me take care of things around my house, so I can spend more time with Katie.  She does so without fan fair or complaint.  We are grateful!  There have been a few others who consistently offer or give their help.  I rarely ask for help, because I don't even know what to ask for - I don't know what anyone else can do for us.  However, I am grateful for your offers!  I am grateful for the help rendered.  The only thing I can think to ask for are your prayers.  Please keep praying for Katie and our family.  That is a great help and service to us.  We feel your prayers!

     This scripture came to me last night during Family Home Evening.  I was so tired and I wished somehow someone could help us, but there really is nothing anyone can do for us (other than prayer).  Things are what they are.  But I knew the Lord can do something for us -- can, will and does.  "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart and ye shall find rest unto your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light"  (Matthew 11:28-30).  Just like I carried Katie the rest of the way up the stairs last night, I know the Lord can carry me when I say, "I don't think I can do it."