Day 147

     Scott went to check on Katie and Conner at 5:30 this morning, when he opened our bedroom door, Katie was laying in the hallway on the floor holding her doll.  She was awake.  We have no idea how long she was there.  She has never done that before.  Usually if she wakes up, she calls for us, or comes in our room.  Scott picked her up and brought her into our room and she said, "I want breakfast."  The steroids!  Actually her tummy was hurting, she asked for a bath before breakfast, so we gave her a bath and then fed her breakfast.  Her request for breakfast was Ramen soup, cream cheese on a bagel and milk.  (Thank you to Lori Allen for more Ramen soup!)  That is all she has been eating for the past few days - she wont eat anything else.  She eats more cream cheese than bagel.  Two days ago she ate an entire 8 ounce cream cheese (by herself) all in one day.  At least she is eating!  Tonight is her last dose of steroids during this phase, so I am glad about that. 
     I called my sister yesterday afternoon and during the conversation I mentioned that Katie's hair had not started falling out yet (again).  I called her back a half hour later and told her I was wrong.  It is falling out.  It is the strangest thing when it happens, it just kind of happens all at once.  I was holding Katie and noticed some hair on her face.  I was surprised and wondered if it was falling out.  I pinched a finger full of hair and it all just fell out in my fingers - you don't have to pull or tug or anything, it just comes out.  I was stunned to be holding a pinch of hair between my fingers.  I knew it was going to happen, but it is surprising and disconcerting when it actually happens.  I can tell this morning that a lot has already come out.  (Her hair was only about 1/2 inch long blond fuzz anyway - but it still hurts to see your daughters hair fall out).
     Obviously by my post, I was a little down yesterday morning and I don't know that I feel much better today (as evidenced my my right eye constantly twitching).  The stress and strain of this is hard.  However, I know this is a trial that may pass with time.  Katie is currently responding to treatments.  Once treatments are over and if she doesn't relapse, then this trial will be behind us.  I am fully aware there are other people who have children who are sick for a lifetime or who loose their child, and on and on...I am trying to keep it all in perspective.  We have been blessed and I acknowledge our blessings.
     "We may question, as did Pilate two millennia ago, "What is truth?" (John 18:38), and what are the things that can be counted on to stand the test of time?  Where can we turn for peace, for hope and reassurance, in this troubling time?  This we know: God lives and loves his children, the gospel is true, faith  in the Lord Jesus Christ is essential, repentance is vital, the Atonement is real...God loves all of His children in a perfect, constant, and most miraculous way.  Because of our sins, we are separated from our Father, but through the mediation and Atonement of Jesus Christ we are welcomed, received, reconciled, and embraced...Jesus is our Redeemer, our Savior.  To redeem is to purchase, to buy back, to reclaim.  To save is to keep, to salvage, to satisfy.  Redemption and salvation are miracles.  We are redeemed from our sins through the miracle of forgiveness and saved from death and @#!*% (computer block) through the miracle of the Resurrection.  As we come to deeply understand who and whose we really are and hold fast to the iron rod - we will feel encircled in the love of God." (He Shall Fulfill All of His Promises, Lloyd d. Newell, 124-125).