Day 150

     Yesterday evening, I watched two ducks fly into our yard and land in our pool.  A male and a female.  I could tell the ducks were "pool hoppers" as they did not seem to be afraid of us.  This may be a common occurance for the ducks, but it was not common for us.  For a two year old and a four year old, this was a wondrous event.  Conner and Katie fed the ducks (more than once) and they watched them swim.  As it started getting dark outside, Conner turned the pool light on for them, and we enjoyed the evening sitting outside by our "duck pond".  The ducks flew away this morning.  I am glad they came.  Things were a little heavy around here, but when the ducks flew in, they brought with them excitement, wonder and joy.  "Through small and simple things, great things are brought to pass."
     Katie has perked up a little bit.  The steroids are still very much in her system.  She is still emotional and moody.  Her hands and her legs tremble and shake.  She developed the puffy face and distended tummy again as a result of the high dosage.  She is still craving certain foods, and she had a very hard time falling asleep last night.  As the steroids wear off, all of that will go back to normal.  She will perk up some at first, but then her counts will most likely drop and she will then get weaker again.  So, lots of ups and downs.
     I had this talk in my head yesterday, but I couldn't remember who gave it.  I searched for it and found it.  It is called The Divine Gift of Repentance by Elder D. Todd Christofferson.  He discusses how only through repentance do we gain access to the atoning grace of Jesus Christ.  Here are some excerpts of that talk:
     "...The message of repentance is often not welcomed. Some profess that if there is a God, He makes no real demands upon us. Others maintain that a loving God forgives all sin based on simple confession, or if there actually is a punishment for sin, “God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the kingdom of God”.  Others, deny the very existence of Christ and any such thing as sin. Their doctrine is that values, standards, and even truth are all relative. Thus, whatever one feels is right for him or her cannot be judged by others to be wrong or sinful.

     On the surface such philosophies seem appealing because they give us license to indulge any appetite or desire without concern for consequences. By using (these philosophies) we can rationalize and justify anything. When prophets come crying repentance, it “throws cold water on the party.” But in reality the prophetic call should be received with joy. Without repentance, there is no real progress or improvement in life. Pretending there is no sin does not lessen its burden and pain. Suffering for sin does not by itself change anything for the better. Only repentance leads to the sunlit uplands of a better life. And, of course, only through repentance do we gain access to the atoning grace of Jesus Christ and salvation. Repentance is a divine gift, and there should be a smile on our faces when we speak of it. It points us to freedom, confidence, and peace. Rather than interrupting the celebration, the gift of repentance is the cause for true celebration.

     Repentance exists as an option only because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It is His infinite sacrifice that “bringeth about means unto men that they may have faith unto repentance".  Repentance is the necessary condition, and the grace of Christ is the power by which “mercy can satisfy the demands of justice”.  Our witness is this:

     “We know that justification [or forgiveness of sins] through the grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is just and true;

“And we know also, that sanctification [or purification from the effects of sin] through the grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is just and true, to all those who love and serve God with all their mights, minds, and strength”.

     ...The invitation to repent is an expression of love. When the Savior “began to preach, and to say, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand”, it was a message of love, inviting all who would to qualify to join Him “and enjoy the words of eternal life in this world, and eternal life [itself] in the world to come."   If we do not invite others to change or if we do not demand repentance of ourselves, we fail in a fundamental duty we owe to one another and to ourselves. A permissive parent, an indulgent friend, a fearful Church leader are in reality more concerned about themselves than the welfare and happiness of those they could help. Yes, the call to repentance is at times regarded as intolerant or offensive and may even be resented, but guided by the Spirit, it is in reality an act of genuine caring.

      ...Repentance means striving to change. It would mock the Savior’s suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross for us to expect that He should transform us into angelic beings with no real effort on our part. Rather, we seek His grace to complement and reward our most diligent efforts

      ...Repentance means not only abandoning sin but also committing to obedience. The Bible Dictionary states, “Repentance comes to mean a turning of the heart and will to God, [as well as] a renunciation of sin to which we are naturally inclined.”For our turning to the Lord to be complete, it must include nothing less than a covenant of obedience to Him. We often speak of this covenant as the baptismal covenant since it is witnessed by being baptized in water. The Savior’s own baptism, providing the example, confirmed His covenant of obedience to the Father.

     ...Repentance requires a seriousness of purpose and a willingness to persevere, even through pain. Attempts to create a list of specific steps of repentance may be helpful to some, but it may also lead to a mechanical, check-off-the-boxes approach with no real feeling or change. True repentance is not superficial. The Lord gives two overarching requirements: “By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins—behold, he will confess them and forsake them” (D&C 58:43).  Confessing and forsaking are powerful concepts. They are much more than a casual “I admit it; I’m sorry.” 

     ...With faith in the merciful Redeemer and His power, potential despair turns to hope. One’s very heart and desires change, and the once-appealing sin becomes increasingly abhorrent. A resolve to abandon and forsake the sin and to repair, as fully as one possibly can, the damage he or she has caused now forms in that new heart. This resolve soon matures into a covenant of obedience to God. With that covenant in place, the Holy Ghost, the messenger of divine grace, will bring relief and forgiveness

     Any pain entailed in repentance will always be far less than the suffering required to satisfy justice for unresolved transgression. The Savior spoke little about what He endured to satisfy the demands of justice and atone for our sins, but He did make this revealing statement:

“For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent;

“But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I;

“Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup” (D&C 19:16–18).  Whatever the cost of repentance, it is swallowed up in the joy of forgiveness

     “‘Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more’ [D&C 58:42].”  I gratefully acknowledge and testify that the incomprehensible suffering, death, and Resurrection of our Lord “bringeth to pass the condition of repentance."  The divine gift of repentance is the key to happiness here and hereafter.  In the Savior’s words and in deep humility and love, I invite all to “repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand."   I know that in accepting this invitation, you will find joy both now and forever.  In the name of Jesus Christ, amen." (Ensign, Nov. 2011, 38-41).