Yesterday, I showed Katie the pictures I posted on the blog. When we came to the picture of her in the toy car, she asked, "What is that?" I said, "The car." Pointing higher, she said, "No, what is that?" I said, "Hair?" She said, "Yes...hair?" She was surprised to see herself with some hair on her head. I told her that her hair had started to grow back, but that it had fallen out again. I assured her it will grow back. ( I didn't have the heart to tell her it may fall out again!)
The ironic part is, just the night before, I found a baggie with a long lock of Katie's hair in it, from when we cut her hair after it first began falling out. Finding that lock of hair made me cry. Not so much because of the hair itself, but because of what it represents - a time prior to appointments, treatments, chemo, spinal taps, medications. A time prior to knowing our child had a life threatening disease. So much has changed in the last six months! Some things gained, but some things missed. We missed going to New Mexico at Christmas, and therefore we missed going to the snow. For months Katie has talked about going to G.G.'s (Grandma Nygren's) house to see the snow. She finally understands that winter is over and there is no more snow at G.G.'s house - that we will have to wait until next winter to play in the snow. So, this week, Katie has taken to playing winter. We put on fake coats, hats, snow pants, gloves and boots. She makes "snow angels" in the carpet, we throw "snowballs" and make "snowmen." The amazing thing is that she came up with this game herself. I walked in the room one day and she was laying on the carpet, I asked her what she was doing and she told me she was making a snow angel. I asked her if I could play and she told me I could if I put on my "snow clothes". I am glad she has such a great imagination!
Just this morning, I was thinking about the long weekend coming up. I thought it would be nice to go camping - it would be so nice to get away - we haven't been able to go anywhere because of the intensity and regularity of Katie's treatments. Right now, Katie is getting treatments every ten days verses every seven, so camping seemed possible, plus Scott has Monday off of work. So, I started planning all the food I needed to buy, etc... and then I saw an appointment reminder for Katie, for Friday morning. Reality hit. Katie will be getting chemo on Friday and we will not be going camping this weekend. Our California trip this summer also seems less and less doable as Scott and I have thought about it. So, like I said, some things we have missed out on. But we have gained some good things too. We have a greater appreciation for what we do have. A better perspective on our lives. Our daughter is responding to treatments, and she is alive. When I think of it that way, we can miss a year of snow, some camping trips, and California. We have our daughter and we are blessed.
Elder Richard G. Scott has said: "There is no guarantee that life will be easy for anyone. We grow and learn more rapidly by facing and overcoming challenges. You are here to prove yourself, to develop, and to overcome. There will be constant challenges that cause you to think, to make proper judgments, and to act righteously. You will grow from them." ("Living Right," Ensign, Jan. 2007, 13).
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