Day 37

    Feeling tired and worn down.  In some ways things have gotten easier, but in other ways it has gotten harder.  Katie no longer moans and cries all day long, that is easier.  But it is so painful to watch her feel self-conscious about her lack of hair (and frankly, it is painful to see her without her hair).  It is painful to see her wanting to run and play like her brother, like she used to, but like she no longer can.  Time is painful - just the day after day of this - is painful...hard.
     Yesterday and today I have been on the edge of feeling sorry for myself, and on both days I have been humbled.  Yesterday, as we were leaving the doctors office I saw a mother with a boy about the age of 10, her son was in a wheelchair and his whole body was crippled.  Today the same type of thing, at the grocery store, a mother of a teenage boy in a wheelchair with his full body crippled.  My daughters condition is only temporary.  Her hair will grow back, she will walk again, and she will live.  I believe that (the odds are in our favor).  These other mothers, their sons conditions are permanent.  As difficult as our situation is, there are others out there whose situations are so much more difficult than ours.  My heart broke for those mothers and those boys.  I went and talked with the mother in the parking lot at the grocery store today.  She asked if they could pray for Katie.  I said yes.  To my surprise, this mother started praying for us, right then and there...and then so did her son.  It was very touching.  It was a sweet moment, where I felt like heaven and earth connected - right there in the grocery store parking lot.
     I have been amazed by the outpouring of love and charity so many have shown us - from family to strangers.  I have wondered, if the situation was reversed, would I have done the same - would I have done for others what they have so generously done for me/us?  I feel ashamed that I can't say for sure I would have.  Maybe that is why I needed to go through this.  I know my sense of compassion towards others has been magnified.  I hope I will forever after, be as charitable towards others as they have been towards us - family or stranger.
     Tonight we read 1 Nephi 1:20 "...But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance."  Trying to liken the scriptures unto us, I posed the question, "How has the Lord shown his tender mercies towards us?"  Without speaking, my husband answered.  He pointed to me, then to Katie, Conner and Nathan.  We have been blessed.  Things are hard, and I am hurting and sad, but I am also grateful.  Today I am glad for the tender mercies of the Lord (I am glad and grateful for Scott, Katie, Conner and Nathan - and everyone and everything that blesses our lives).