Katie's spinal tap/chemo went without a hitch today. Her port was still accessed because of the IV antibiotics she has been on, so we didn't have to deal with that stress today. They took the access out of her port while she was still sleeping, so we didn't have to deal with that either. Katie also woke up quickly and happily today. It was amazing! Each time we do this we have a different anesthesiologist and they each do it differently. I got today's "formula" so that we can make sure it is done this way each time in the future. It was so much better today! Katie hasn't really expressed any pain yet either. She got a bit grumpy...okay, a lot...but now she seems fine. I am not sure what to expect tonight or tomorrow, because each time has been so different (okay, by the time I finished writing this, Katie is hurting). I do know that she is super excited to take a "real" bath tomorrow. Since we were in the hospital she hasn't been able to take a bath the way she wants to. She has had to have plastic over her port and access and just a little water in the tub. It has been extremely frustrating for her. So she is looking forward to a good bath - she keeps talking about it.
Today I thought some more about Joseph of the Old Testament. My understanding is that Joseph was thirty years old when he interpreted Pharaoh's dream and that he was seventeen when his brothers sold him into Egypt. So, the adversities of his life lasted about 13 years. I read the following expert today:
"The story of Joseph, the son of Jacob who was called Israel, is a vivid representation of the great truth that 'all things work together for good to those who love God.' Joseph always seemed to do the right thing; but still, more importantly, he did it for the right reason. And how very, very significant that is! Joseph was sold by his own brothers as a slave and was purchased by Potiphar, a captain of the guard of Pharaoh. But even as an indentured servant, Joseph turned every experience and all circumstances, no matter how trying, into something good.
"Joseph vividly demonstrated why he was favored of the Lord, or, as the scriptures said, why 'the Lord was with Joseph, and he was a prosperous man....' (Gen 39.) His reliance was upon the Lord. His trust was in the Lord, and his allegiance ran to the Lord.
"I believe this is the greatest lesson that can be learned by the youth of Zion - to do the right thing because you love the Lord. It is so vitally important that, I feel, if you do anything in righteousness for any other reason than you love the Lord, you are wrong - at least you are on very shaky ground. And somewhere your reasons for acting in righteousness will not be strong enough to see you through. You will give way...Unless your motives are built upon the firm foundation of love of the Lord, you will not be able to stand." (Hartman Rector, Jr., "Live above the Law to Be Free")
Like I said, I am trying to take all this in and understand it - what it means to me - all of it, from the scriptures and learning from those who have experienced the deepest opposition to their happiness and well-being, to me and learning from our experience with Katie. I know that I can't simply wish change upon myself (as I briefly blew a gasket again today), I know it is a process of "becoming". I also believe that doing "the right thing" for Katie, or because of Katie, "isn't enough"-that in and of itself won't last or see me through. I know I need to do it because I love the Lord and am wanting to please him. It was said in church on Sunday, that Charity isn't something you "do" but something you "become". (I think that was the quote). How though? How does this change take place? How do I truly internalize all that I am learning and allow it to change me? I don't have all the answers tonight. So, I am going to go to bed now... Today I am glad for my dear friend Barbara who is going through a battle with breast cancer. She is brave, courageous and such an example of righteousness to me. Her friendship has blessed my life. She was my first roommate in college and became "family". Barbara was always making people laugh. Today, through her example, she reminded me to find laughter even in the most difficult of moments. (She and Katie now have matching hairdos).
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