Day 153

     When I say Katie is feeling "good and strong," I use those terms loosely.  At her best, Katie isn't as "good and strong" as a healthy two year old.  There are some things Katie could do last year, that she just can't do anymore.  Small but important things.   For example, she cannot go up a step (any step - the threshold to our house, the step-down into our living room, the stairs) without holding on to the wall for added support.  If she tries to take a small "step" without holding on, she falls down.  Katie has a constant and ongoing weakness - some days are just better or worse than others.
     I don't know what to expect today.  Yesterday until mid-day, Katie seemed "good and strong". =)  But by late afternoon she seemed to be struggling, and by evening she was very tired and she asked to go to bed early.  It is hard to know what is what sometimes.  Is she just tired, or are her levels dropping, or both?  Anyway, whatever it is, it is.  We will do whatever we can, and we will do whatever needs to be done.  Thursday is kind of just looming out there for me.  I dread the next part of this phase.  But we will deal with that Thursday.  Today is only Tuesday and so I will be glad for that.
     The following are some excerpts from an article written by Neal A. Maxwell, just prior to his death. It is titled: These Are Your Days.  Included in the excerpts below, I underlined a quote that had profound meaning to me at the time (2004), and has an added meaning to me today.  I identify with the words, "vexing uncertainties" and "functioning in the muddled, mortal middle".  Having a daughter with a life threatening disease, is most definately a "vexing uncertainty" and I am very much feeling the burden of trying to "function in the muddled, mortal middle".  I am grateful for the promises of the Lord, and the gift of the Holy Ghost, that helps us get through such times.
     "...Don’t worry if you cannot give glib explanations as to the meaning of all things happening to you or around you. The Lord loves you, His children... Spiritual certitude can exist amid distress and perplexity.

     The Lord said comfortingly, “I am in your midst” (D&C 38:7). “And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours” (D&C 78:18).

     God watches the times and seasons. He knows your individual bearing capacities.

    Thus, you can have full faith and trust in God, His mercy and goodness...He not only urges us to trust Him but invites us to “[cast] all your care upon him; for he careth for you” (1 Pet. 5:7).

     Remember, too, that your faith covers all portions of life’s trail. You can have clear faith in the ultimate outcomes at the end of the trail but still find vexing uncertainties in the steps immediately ahead. The Lord knows the end from the beginning and everything in between. You, however, function in the muddled, mortal middle. Both the help and comfort of the Holy Ghost are thus much needed...

     Pay heed...to your inborn spiritual reflexes. Use, even more, the gifts of the Holy Ghost, who can fill you with “hope and perfect love” (Moro. 8:26). He can “enlighten your mind, … [and] shall fill your soul with joy” (D&C 11:13)... How precious and relevant these gifts of hope, love, and joy are." (Ensign, Oct. 2004)